


The Most Unlikely Places

by Hamliet



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Coming of Age, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Redemption, Romance, Slow Burn, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-02-28 09:48:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13268895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamliet/pseuds/Hamliet
Summary: "With those three living under one roof, your house is gonna blow up." With those words from the legendary Luke Skywalker, Rey's hope--that the family she's staying with for an exchange program will become like a real family--falls apart. But with her fellow exchange student Finn and Leia and Han's moody son Ben who prefers to go by a made-up name, she might find a place to belong anyways... but Ben's dark secret might have already torn his family apart.





	1. What a Joke

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll be updating this fic 2-3 times a week. This chapter is more like a prologue.

"You what?" Kylo shoved his laptop off his lap, glaring at his mother. The most ridiculous sentence just flew from her mouth, and he can't bring himself to believe it. "I'm sorry, you  _what?"_

"Don't pull that attitude, Ben," his father remarks, rustling the newspaper as he sips his coffee at the dining room table. The Christmas tree stands dying in the corner nearby, its evergreen scent starting to fade as the needles brown and break off. Dad said he was going to toss it today.

"My name is Kylo Ren," Kylo snaps. "Not Ben Solo." That's a dumb name and he's tired of that look in his father's eyes, the look that always sighs without a sound escaping from his father's mouth, the look that says Kylo is as far from his namesake as the devil is from an angel. A photograph of Obi-Wan Kenobi sits on the mantle and Kylo often contemplates shattering it in an  _oops_  moment.

"Fine, fine." Dad holds his hands up.

"But you can't be serious," Kylo says, turning back to his mother. " _Two_  exchange students? I know you were considering one, but two? We only have one bathroom here!" And he does not want to have to listen to his parents fawn over whoever these two geniuses are.

"Learn how to put eyeliner on without a mirror; your mother does it," gripes Dad. "And maybe spend less money on hairspray."

Kylo could spit at the man. He curls his fists.

"Han," scolds Mom. "Ben, they're both good kids with exceptional records. They'll fit right in at Crait High."

"I doubt it," Kylo retorts. "Have you met any of the kids at the school?" No, of course she hasn't. She may be principal, but she doesn't know the snakes who slither through those brightly lit halls, curling out and waiting to strike their next victim. He does.

"They're arriving later today," says Mom. "And you will be around for dinner, whether you like it or not, young man."

"Good luck," Kylo tells her, getting to his feet. He stuffs his laptop into his fraying black bag, the one with the metal studded clasps. "I'm going out." Mr. Snoke, the physics teacher, wanted to meet him over break to work out the plans for their engineering project, the one Crait High is known for hosting that starts right after the holidays.

"Where?" demands Mom.

"Out," says Kylo, hoisting his bag over his shoulder. "I'll be back for dinner; you're welcome."

"Simple obedience doesn't warrant a  _thanks_ , Ben."

"Neither does calling me by the wrong name." He gives a mock bow as he backs towards the door. Mom rolls her eyes. Dad shakes his head.

Just before Kylo shuts the door, he hears Dad say, "I don't know what we're going to do with him."

 _You and me both, Dad,_  Kylo thinks with a snort as he tromps over the cold, crumpled grass. The sun shines brilliantly down on them, but its rays do nothing to warm the winter here on earth. Kylo tosses his bag into his car, the one Dad bought and fixed up for him.

He has no interest in meeting these two suck-ups. They probably wear ties and pleated pants every single day. That or they're dumb fuckboys like his neighbor, Poe Dameron.

Whatever. Kylo turns the keys in the ignition, driving out, driving too fast and liking it.

* * *

Finn gapes at the house. The taxi drives away behind him. It's a towering Victorian, with a fairytale castle-like spire. He clutches his suitcase in his hand.

He wasn't particularly eager to come here. Then again, it's not like he has much to look forward to back in his old school and town. No one wanted him there either, but at least it was familiar. Dark windows loom in the house, and he wonders what's behind them.

The door flings open. "Welcome!" A gray-haired woman—the principal herself, or so Finn's been told—hurries out to embrace him.

 _Whoa._  Finn's not used to being embraced by adults. They usually shoo him along like he's a mouse in their way.  _Is this for real_? "Hey. I'm Finn."

"We've heard of you," says the woman. "The most promising engineer at your old school."

"Uh, yeah," Finn says, managing a smile as a man in a leather jacket steps out onto the porch, floorboards creaking under his feet. "That's me. I'm a pretty big deal."

Okay, so maybe he only completed an engineering project because he wanted to escape the losers at his school. Nines was starting to hate Finn for doing well on tests, but what was Finn supposed to do, fail just so Nines could do better? Nines had a goddamn family. A scholarship is Finn's only chance for college.

Which was why he applied for this program. His guidance counselor urged him to, saying that the winner earns a full ride to a local tech college. A good school. A future.

The man arches his eyebrows. "Han Solo. Nice to meet you, Big Deal."

 _Uh-oh_.

"Leia Organa," says the woman, shaking Finn's hand. "This is Han Solo, my husband." Han takes Finn's luggage for him. Finn blinks. He's always had to do everything himself.

They lead him to a room on the second floor. "My son's room is across the hall," says Ms. Organa. "Ben's out right now." A frown crosses her face. Finn nods. His room is small, with a sloped ceiling. A map of the world rests on the wall, and books line the wooden bookshelf above the desk. A huge window sits behind the bed, opening out to a view of a lawn that must be gorgeous when the weather is actually warm.

"Good to meet you," Mr. Solo echoes, waving as he clatters back down the stairs.

"He works as a mechanic," says Ms. Organa. "Doing some work from home right now."

Finn nods. He's surprised the school principal married a mechanic. Supposedly Ms. Organa has her doctorate, and is renowned in the field of education.

"Unpack if you'd like," says Ms. Organa. "Our other exchange student should be here later today."

Finn nods again. "Thanks." He doesn't have much to unpack.

" _You think you're so special, applying for that program? They'll never accept trash like you," Nines told him._

_And inside Finn thought that Nines was right._

When he got the letter of acceptance, not even his guidance counselor could believe it. They let out a snort of disbelief. A kid who didn't even know who his parents were getting into a prestigious program that kids with famous parents couldn't even get into?

And Finn wonders if their skepticism is warranted. He looks at his hands. He just wants to get to a better future, but since time machines don't exist for him to climb into, this is the best he can do. And yet it's strange, to be in a place he's never been before, to attend a school ranked among the best in the country, to have the chance to be something. People will probably look down on him, and as far as bullying goes, he's probably walked out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Not that he has any expectations of winning. Just having this on his resume will look good for colleges. Finn gulps. He just wants to get into the state school in his hometown. That's all he wants.

It's safe.

"Finn?" calls Ms. Organa.

"Yes, ma'am?" Finn scrambles out of his room, slamming the door.

"Someone's here to see you!"

 _Huh?_  But he doesn't know anybody. Oh—maybe it's her son, or that other new kid. Finn scrambles down the stairs.

A handsome boy with curly dark hair leans back against the wall in the entry hall. A leather jacket, worn, covers him. "Hey!" He peels himself off of the wall, sticking his hand out for Finn to shake. "I'm Poe, Poe Dameron." He jerks his thumb. "I live next door. I hear we're in the same grade at school, both juniors, and I—"

"Finn," he says.

"Cool, Finn's a good name. I like it." Poe grins. "I just wanted to introduce myself. If you need someone to show you around tomorrow at school, I'd be happy to help."

"Sure, okay," Finn says. He doesn't understand why someone would want to meet him, or be excited to talk to him like Poe appears to be, or offer to help him out without wanting something.

A dog yips outside the door. Poe curses.

"Poe Dameron!" scolds Ms. Organa.

"Sorry!" Poe calls, holding his hands up. "That's my dog, Finn. He's outside. I've gotta take him for a walk."

"Cool."

"You could come with, if you wanted," Poe offers.

"You should," Ms. Organa encourages.

"I guess," Finn agrees. He grabs is coat and heads outside.

"So where are you from?" Poe inquires. "You must be some kind of genius. Do you know what you want to study in college? I'm entering the contest too, did I tell you that?"

Finn's head swims. A round shiba jumps at him.

"Beebee-Ate!" scolds Poe. "This's my dog, Finn."

"Hey buddy," Finn says, wary. He hasn't been around animals much. Or people. He's always been passed around from home to home, never with people who seemed glad to see him. Ms. Organa encouraging him to talk to people instead of pretend to camouflage with the walls doesn't make much sense to Finn.

"He doesn't bite," Poe says, tugging the leash. Beebee-Ate whines, dropping onto the stoop. "C'mon, Beebee-Ate. He's like, a lazy dog. He would sleep all day if he could."

Finn snorts. Beebee-Ate gets to his feet, trotting alongside Poe. "Have you always lived here?"

"Nope," Poe says. "My parents grew up here, but we lived in Yavin for years. We moved to Crait when I started high school. My parents are old friends of Leia and Han's."

Having a legacy like that. Finn can't even imagine having parents, much less having family friends. "That's awesome."

Poe whistles. The trees spread out up ahead as the side road opens to a busier street. "Leia's brother, Luke Skywalker, teaches biology at the school. He's a bit crabby though, so don't expect much out of his class."

" _The_  Luke Skywalker?" Finn asks, gaping. His boots crunch over dead grass growing in the cracks between the sidewalks.

"Yep." Poe grins. "He retired last summer. From university, but Leia told my mom he was losing his mind all alone, so she got him to teach."

"Wow," breathes Finn. Everyone knows the famed scientist Luke Skywalker, a finalist for a Nobel Prize twice, though he never quite won. His mind whirls with the possibilities.

Poe lets out a yelp. Twisting, Finn sees that Beebee-Ate's pulled himself out of Poe's grasp, darting across the street.

"Get back here!" Poe bellows.

* * *

"Figures," Rey mutters, glaring at Teedo, the stupid cab driver who clearly just wanted her money. "Asshole!"

" _It's too hard to get to with these one way streets," Teedo croaked, his smoker's voice crackling. "I think it'd be better if you walked. You don't have much luggage."_

" _Um," said Rey._

" _That's not a request," Teedo added, drumming his fingers on his hunk of junk car._

And so Rey had stumbled out onto the street, shivering. Gooseflesh rose on her arms; all she has is a light sweatshirt. "Thanks for nothing."

The car lumbers off, wheezing as if it's on its last legs. Which it probably is.

Shouts echo. Rey pays them little mind as she pulls up a map on her phone. She needs to get to Leia Organa's.

A car's tires squeal. Rey shrieks, dropping her phone, but the car skids to a stop still a few feet from her. A fat dog gallops past, barking.

"Beebee-Ate!" cries a voice. "That's my dog!"

Rey drops her duffel bag and takes off after the dog. "Come here, boy!"

The dog pays her no mind, bouncing into an alleyway behind a coffee shop. Rey curses. She reaches into her pockets and pulls out the remains of her turkey and lettuce sandwich, the one she bought at the bus stop that tasted like salt and feet. But she ate most of it, because it wasn't as if she'd hate breakfast. "You want it, boy?" She crouched down, holding it out.

The dog whimpers, inching closer. It finally snatches the sandwich out of Rey's hand, gobbling it. She scratches its ears.

"Hey!" pants a Latino kid in a leather jacket, skidding to a stop. "Beebee-Ate! Don't do that!"

"This your dog?" Rey asks.

"Uh, yeah." The kid reaches for the leash. "He's always hungry."

Rey snorts. She rounds the corner, heading back for her luggage, only to see another boy dragging it. "Hey! You thief!" she explodes, running at him. Back in Jakku, she couldn't ever drop anything. What was she thinking here? Just because Crait is a safer town doesn't mean she can—

"Whoa, whoa, what?" yells the kid, hands in the air. "I'm not stealing it! I'm dragging it towards you!"

"His name's Finn. He's with me," Poe says helpfully.

 _Oh_. Rey gulps. "Sorry."

Finn hands her duffel bag to her. Beebee-Ate barks and jumps up at her. Rey laughs.

"You new here too?" Finn asks.

Rey looks up at him. She nods. "I just got dropped off. I'm an exchange student for the semester."

"No way!" Poe exclaims. He chuckles.

"Huh?" Rey frowns. Car horns blare around her. Jakku was always like this: noisy.

"So am I," Finn says. "You aren't staying with Leia Organa by any chance, are you?"

Rey blinks. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"So am I," Finn says, smiling at her.

She smiles back, at him, at Poe, her hands still rubbing Beebee-Ate's soft neck.

"We can show you the way," Finn offers, leading her down a street that would look beautiful in the summer. Even int eh winter, with dead tree branches knocking at each other in the breeze and the sidewalks white from pulverized salt, the houses rest on sprawling lawns, buildings clearly older, but each other at least four times the size of the place where she grew up. And lawns. Jakku didn't have lawns. It had buildings cramped up against one another. She grew up in a basement apartment with dim lighting and Unkar Plutt snoring on the couch, dented where he liked to sit and with stuffing falling out the back, with car horns honking and people swearing at each other, her upstairs neighbors drinking and smashing things against the walls, and Unkar Plutt telling her he didn't know why he kept her.

_It's so beautiful here._

"This one," Finn says, stopping. Rey cranes her next, gazing at the three story, narrow house with a turret. She loves it. If her room's in the turret, she'll die of happiness.

"Mine's next door," Poe says, pointing to the house just past a grove of trees. "See you two tomorrow morning. Oh, can I get your numbers? I'll show you around Crait High. Lord knows Ben won't do it."

"Who's Ben?' asks Rey. Her teeth chatter as the wind picks up.

"Leia's son," says Poe, handing Finn his phone for Finn to enter the digits. "He's our age. Rumor has it he might actually be still three years old, but, you know, he's in our grade."

"Oh," Rey says, taking Poe's phone from Finn and tapping in her own number.  _I'm going to have two brothers?_

"And speak of the devil," Poe mumbles as an engine roars behind them. Rey turns to see a black car surging up the driveway. She frowns as a kid clad all in black climbs out, slamming the car door. Long black hair dangles from his head. He turns and eyes them with a scowl.

"Yo," says Poe. "Solo."

"The name's Kylo Ren," he replies. Eyeliner encircles his eyes like a raccoon. Rey used to feed the creatures when Unkar Plutt wasn't looking, on the rare occasions when she had food to spare.

"Is that your Goth name? Or did you have to take it when you joined the Satanists?" Poe asks with a straight face. Finn cringes.

"Fuck off, Dameron." Kylo pauses. He towers over them all, and Rey's tall. "Who are you?"

"Rey," she says. "I'm from Jakku."

His lip curls. "That place is a dump."

It's funny how hearing him insult Jakku makes her blood boil. "It's home," she retorts.

His eyebrows rise.

"Finn," Finn puts in, holding out his hand.

"You shake hands?" Kylo says it as if it's a personal affront.

"Do you have to be an asshole 24/7?" complains Poe. "Oh wait. Of course you do. Anyways." He turns to Rey and Finn. "Good luck. I'll text you both about tomorrow, okay?"

Rey gulps. Beebee-Ate follows Poe, tail wagging as if he hasn't a care in the world.

The three of them look at each other. Rey doesn't like this Ben or Kylo or whoever he is. Not at all.

"I can get that for you," Kylo says, reaching for her bag. His sleeve rides up, revealing a purple bruise. He probably punched a wall. With his wrist.

"No," snaps Rey, yanking it against herself. "You just made fun of Finn. I don't like that."

Kylo lets out a huff. "Suit yourself." He stalks in front of them.

"You don't have to do that," Finn whispers as they trudge towards the front steps. "Seriously, Rey. You just met me."

"I also just met him. You were nice. He was an ass," Rey replies.

Finn's eyes widen. He looks down at his scuffed boots.

"You going to call your parents later?" Rey asks. "This place really seems incredible." Butterflies flutter in her stomach as she looks at the front door, Kylo Ren climbing the steps. She won't let him ruin this for her.

"No," says Finn. He offers a tight smile. "I don't have them."

 _Really?_  "Neither do I," Rey admits.  _We're both alone._

Kylo glances over his shoulder at them as they climb the steps.

Leia Organa and Han Solo are very welcoming, Leia embracing her and Han gruff, but kind. Rey's room is on the third floor, not in a turret, sadly. But she has the third floor to herself, and the room's larger than the living room at Unkar Plutt's place. She flops on the bed, staring in amazement at the ceiling.

Leia calls them for dinner, which turns out to be quiche, which Rey's never tasted before in her life but loves. She helps herself to seconds.

"Hungry, huh?" Han asks, watching her with his brow furrowed.

She nods. "It's delicious."

"Tomorrow, Rey, and Finn, you'll meet with the guidance counselor first thing," Leia says. "Maz Kanata."

"She's a character," Han says, kicking his chair back. Kylo scowls and stabs his piece of quiche as if he'd like to kill it.

"Looking forward to meeting her," Rey says. She flexes her fingers in excitement.  _I'm here._

"She doesn't know that much," Kylo says. "She pretends to know more than she does."

"Ben, she's been working at the school since I was a student," Leia says, setting her water down.

"Exactly. She's old and worthless."

Rey's jaw drops. "That's rude."

Han fights back a smile. Finn looks horrified.

"You'd be better off with Mr. Snoke," Kylo tells her. "Both of you. He at least knows what he's doing."

 _If he's advising you I'm not sure I do_. But before Rey opens her mouth, Leia cuts her off.

"I don't trust that Snoke, Ben, you're spending too much time with him."

"He's going to be my advisor for the project," Kylo retorts. "Of course I'm spending time with him." He shoves his chair back.

"We have to get advisors?" asks Finn, tapping his fingers on the table. He meets Rey's eyes and she knows he's thinking the exact same thing:  _we don't know anybody._

"It won't be a problem," Leia assures them. "Threepio will have a list at the office."

"Good luck," Kylo says sarcastically, sauntering away. He stomps up the stairs. Han buries his face in his hands.

"May I be excused?" Finn asks, pushing his chair back. Rey finds her way to the living room, where she flops on the couch, staring out the window. She's so far from Jakku.

_They're never coming back._

If she gets her name in the paper, if she wins this award, they might see her, remember her, feel like she's worth enough to come back. Rey believes that.

As Rey heads up the stairs to her room, she overhears Leia on the phone with a guy she calls Luke.

 _Skywalker?_  Rey's heart skips a beat.

"I'm telling you, Leia," says Luke. "With those three sixteen-year-olds under the same roof, your house is gonna blow up."

Rey's lungs feel heavy, as if sand's filling her chest cavity.  _Why does no one want me?_


	2. Mr. Fix-It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

Rey wakes up to her alarm before dawn. The bathroom's on the second floor, and she hurries into it before anyone else, wooden floors cold under her bare feet. She tugs her hair into her three bun style. It's the style her mother used to give her, or so Unkar Plutt says, and that's what Rey remembers too. At least she thinks she remembers. She doesn't remember not wearing the hairstyle, at any rate.

Rey heads downstairs to find Han making coffee. A large man with a huge beard and long hair waits there.

"Hey kid," says Han. "Want coffee?"

"Sure."

"This is Chewie," says Han. "We work together."

Chewie raises his hand. Rey nods at him.

"We've gotta work on his car," says Han, jerking his thumb.

Rey blinks. "I love working on cars."

"Eh?" Han turns to her, eyeing her up and down. But his gaze isn't creepy like Unkar Plutt's.  _"You?"_

Rey nods. "Unkar Plutt—my—guardian ran a garage. It wasn't a good one, but I used to work there, help out, since I can remember. He said it was the only reason he kept me."

Han's brow creases.

"If you ever need help," Rey says, her heart thumping. "I'd love to. I mean, cars are—I love it."

"I'll keep that in mind," Han says. He gestures. "Drink your coffee before it gets cold."

Rey raises it to her lips. She almost burns her mouth, but it's rich and warm and strong, just how she likes it. She misses sugar and cream, though.

"You know what you're doing for your engineering project yet?" Chewie asks gruffly.

Rey shakes her head. "I don't even have an advisor yet."

"You should ask Luke Skywalker," says Chewie. "You could talk to him, couldn't you, Han? He's your brother-in-law. He had a vested interest in cars and planes, all that kind of thing, and—"

Luke Skywalker. Rey's always heard the name, in articles, but last night she heard his voice, and he did not sound friendly.  _He was probably just joking,_  she assures herself. "I'd love that."

"Everyone would," Han says, rolling his eyes. He scratches the back of his head. Outside, orange dawn glows behind the window.

"Why did he leave the university?" Rey asks, leaning back against the counter. This was like something directly out of her dreams. Her, and two adults making her coffee, chatting with her. Brothers and a mother upstairs. Family. "Just to work at a high school? Was it to be closer to family?"

Han arches an eyebrow. Chewie studies his shoes, which are massive. Two of Rey's feet could fit in there. The man has to be at least seven feet tall.

"Long story," Han says at last. "There were—problems with one of his students. The student... told some lies and got him in trouble."

"Oh," says Rey. Clearly Han doesn't want to talk about it further.

"There're bagels in the fridge. Cream cheese, butter. There's a toaster there," Han adds. "See ya, kid." He and Chewie duck out, towards the door leading to the garage.

"Morning," calls Finn as he enters the kitchen. "How'd you sleep, Rey?"

"Not bad," Rey says. "The bed was almost too comfortable, though."

"I know exactly what you mean," Finn says.

Rey opens the fridge and gapes. It's overflowing. So much. She swallows, looking at Finn. "I don't think the fridge I had back in Jakku had this much food in half a year."

Finn shakes his head. "We always had enough food. Other things, not so much."

Footsteps clop. Kylo marches into the kitchen and straight towards the coffee machine. Of course, he chugs it black.

"Good morning," Finn says brightly.

"It's morning," Kylo replies, staring out the window at the sunrise, dull rose washing over the lawn. "And it's the Monday after a break. Nothing good about it."

"Note to self: do not address Kylo before coffee," mumbles Finn. Rey bites back a smile.

"What'd you just say?" He scowls.

"Nothing," Finn insists.

"I didn't know your dad was a mechanic," Rey chimes in, pulling out a bagel and popping it in the toaster. It's cinnamon raisin. She loves how it smells. "I used to work on cars."

Kylo glowers. "Yeah, my dad's Mr. Fix It. Or so he styles himself." Bitterness drips from his voice.

Rey gulps more coffee. Leia greets them all. As they prepare to leave for school, Leia encourages them to ride with Ben.

Rey steps into the garage, her stomach full. She crouches down besides the car. "You might want to use this instead." She holds out a different socket.

Han cranes his neck back, looking at her. "Nah, I—"

Chewie sits up slowly, shaking his head.

"Oh. Maybe." Han frowns, taking it. Rey smiles.

She looks over her shoulder and finds Kylo scowling. "You ever work with cars?" Rey asks.

"No."

Rey shrugs as she climbs into Kylo's car. Finn gets into the backseat, rolling his eyes at Rey. The moment Kylo starts the car screaming death metal blasts from the radio. Rey yelps. Finn covers his heads.

"Ew," Finn says. "This ain't music, Kylo Ben."

"Fine then." Kylo slams it off. He backs out of the driveway. "That's not my name."

"Why do you go by Kylo?" asks Rey. "If it's not your given name. Is it like a spin on Ben Solo? And Skywalker? And then an R instead of a B? Luke Skywalker's your uncle right?"

"Do you ever shut up?"

"Is the letter R like your favorite letter?" Finn asks drolly.

He glances at her as he slows for a light. "Yeah. He's my uncle. And I go by Kylo Ren because I like being myself instead of being Luke Skywalker's nephew and Ben Kenobi's namesake and Han Solo and Leia Organa's sole kid."

"Did you just make a pun?" Rey asks.

He almost smiles. "Maybe."

"It's a lot of expectation, I suppose," Rey says. She watches a couple hurry a parka-clad preschooler along the sidewalk.

His hands tighten on the steering wheel. His lips press together. "Where are you two going first? Maz?"

"Yeah," says Finn. "And then literature, for me."

"Same," Rey says, relieved.

Kylo snorts. "The school's pretty small. It's a tiny town, remember. Every junior has basically one of two schedules, except if you're not in honors classes, but I presume you two are."

"Oh." Rey looks back at Finn, who nods.

"Who are your friends?" Finn tries.

"I don't have them," Kylo replies.

Finn mutters something that sounds like  _why am I not surprised_?

"I've never really had them either," Rey says. Unkar never let her. She was too busy working in his mechanics shop and studying until the wee hours of the morning just to pass her classes.

"Neither have I," Finn says as Kylo pulls into the parking lot. It's quiet in the car.

 _Maybe the three of us could be friends,_  Rey thinks.

* * *

"Oh, goodness gracious me!" chirps the secretary, Threepio, as Finn and Rey enter the main office that Kylo wordlessly pointed them to. "You must be Leia's exchange students. Welcome, we've got quiet a few of you this year—around ten—but you two should be meeting with Maz first—just let me double-check the schedule—"

"Well," Finn whispers to Rey. "He's a walking ball of anxiety."

Rey giggles. Threepio's desk is covered in files and papers, all neatly stacked and color coded.

"Oh dear, oh dear," Threepio murmurs. "I—"

"Never mind, Threepio, they are indeed on the schedule first!" calls a voice from behind a wooden door.

The door swings open. "Welcome, welcome!" Maz Kanata, a tiny, wrinkly woman with enough makeup to tint her skin orange and glasses as thick as goggles, grabs Finn by the hand, pulling him inside. "You too, Rey!"

Rey follows Finn into the office, walls green and carpet a jarring blue. Ditzy music plays in the background, and photographs hang on the walls, haphazard and without any order. Maz plops on her chair, lifting print-outs of their schedules. "Ah! Here you go." She slides them across.

Finn glances at Rey and realizes that, while their morning schedules match, their afternoon ones don't. "K-Ben said that juniors always shared one of two schedules."

"That's a bit over-simplified," Maz says. "For exchange students, especially, we try to be creative so that they can mingle with the other students, meet more of them, rather than isolate themselves." Her eyes bore into Finn as if she's trying to send a message.

Finn scowls back at her.  _You don't know me_.

Maz dismisses them, and Finn and Rey head out into the sea of other students crowding the hallway. Finn's locker is 2187. He wonders who came up with the locker numbering system because he'd be shocked if there were 200 lockers in the enter school, never mind 2000.

Rey's is next to his. She grins.

"Yo, Finn!" calls a voice. "Buddy!"

He whirls. Poe grabs him in a hug, thumping him on the back. "Rey!" He hugs her too, and she looks as taken aback as Finn feels, blinking. "How's it going?" Poe chatters. "I thought about offering you a ride this am, but I figured Ms. Organa would want her son to do it. He didn't drive off the road with you, so I guess it all worked out."

Rey snorts. "He wouldn't do that."

"I mean, I dunno with that one," Poe says, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, loser," calls a tall girl with a blond pixie-cut as she saunters by. "Who're your new friends, Dameron?"

"Phasma," Poe states, gritting his teeth.

"Finn." Finn says.

"Rey."

"Usually exchange students don't look so raggedy," comments a ginger boy next to her, his voice nasally and upturned. Finn could deck him. Rey's eyes narrow.

"I'm sorry, Sux," says Poe. "Oh, I'm sorry again. Hux. Must be my poor addled mind, or maybe your added voice. Does make you hard to understand sometimes."

Sux—Hux?—bristles. His shirt is literally buttoned all the way up his neck. Finn starts to grin.

The bell rings. "Shit," says Poe. "I'll show you to your classroom. Lit, right?"

Finn nods.

"Those are Ben Solo's buddies," says Poe. "Shocking, right?'

"Them?" Rey's lips curl.

Finn rolls his eyes. Literature's an okay class, with Lor San Tekka as their teacher, an older man whose voice wavers as he greets them. Kylo sits in the back of the classroom, boots resting on an empty desk in front of him. Hux and Phasma sit next to him, all rolling their eyes as if they're too cool for school. Finn can't relate.

Before lunch, his schedule splits from Poe's, and Finn winds up in physics with Mr. Snoke. Kylo is the only kid he knows in this classroom, but the dude ignores him as if he's a flea.

"Hey," calls a pretty Asian girl. "You're Finn, right? I'm Jessika Pava. You can sit with me and Snap here, if you want. Poe told us about you."

Finn blinks. "He did?"

"Of course he did," comments Phasma, lingering over the desk Finn sets his books down on.

"Ignore her," Jess says, her hand entwined with Snap's.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Finn asks.

Phasma's eyes glow. She leans over Finn's desk. "It means, in case you didn't already know, of course Poe Dameron will try to take care of Leia Organa's foster kids. He'd do anything to get back into her good graces after his royal fuck-up last fall."

"Honestly, shut up," Snap, a portly boy, tells Phasma.

Finn's face burns. His chest heaves.

"Foster kid?" scoffs Hux. "So you are unwanted. I guess that shouldn't shock me. Ms. Organa did always have a heart for trash."

"Want me to dump acid down your pretty little throat?" snarls Jess. "Because I will,  _Sux_."

"Ooh, how original."

 _Who the hell told you_? Not all exchange students—most, in fact, were just normal kids. Finn's eyes find Kylo, who drums a pen against his notebook and looks outside at the gray landscape.

Everyone here thinks they know him.

"Shut up," Finn tells Phasma. "I know Poe is a far nicer—"

"Maybe you should ask Rose Tico what happened to her sister last semester. I'm sure she'd love to tell you about it—if she can manage it without crying."

"You're just a bitter bitch that no one wants to mentor for the project," Jess snaps. "Don't listen to her, Finn."

Finn glowers at Kylo.  _Look at me._

Of course, he doesn't.  _Coward_.

He drops into his chair. "What was that about?"

"They're jealous," Jess says, popping gum in her mouth. She offers Finn a piece. "Poe's a good friend and like, one of those kids everyone likes except the worst of the worst. They're bullies."

Finn takes a stick. "Who's Rose Tico?"

"She'll be in some of your classes, I'm sure," Snap says. "She's nice."

"Quiet," orders Mr. Snoke, striding into the classroom. The man looks as if his face is rotting off, caved in and scarred, and yet he wears a golden v-neck shirt as if he's Hugh Hefner's reincarnation. Finn cringes.

At lunch, Finn contemplates asking Poe what happened, but he doesn't. He and Poe head to history with Ms. Holdo together. 'She's my advisor for the project," Poe adds. "Kinda strict though. She doesn't like me much."

"Jess says everyone likes you," Finn counters.

Poe grimaces. "She's the exception. Hey, do you have study hall next?"

Finn checks his schedule. He nods.

"Want to meet me behind the gym? No one takes attendance during those—not after you check in, that is. Just ask to use the bathroom and Mr. Ackbar will let you leave. We can get soda and snacks from the vending machines and chill. Jess, Snap, and I usually go," says Poe, running his hand through his hair. "Connix is joining us today, too."

Finn gulps. He doesn't like breaking the rules. Especially on his first day.

"Rey says she'll meet us there," Poe says, holding up his phone. "No need to worry about it. And we can discuss how to get you and Rey advisors for your projects."

"Okay," Finn agrees, against his better judgment.

He checks in to Mr. Ackbar's study hall and then gets permission to leave. Guilt creeps down Finn's spine. He tries to shake it off as he creeps down the hall. He really shouldn't be taking this so seriously.

_Left, right?_

He almost trips over a girl huddling around the bend.

* * *

 _Shit_.

He didn't mean to give Hux ammunition to pummel Finn with. Or Rey. When Kylo dumped his bag at his locker in the morning, that smarmy redhead sidled up to his locker, barely concealing his own dislike of Kylo. "I see you've been appointed a baby-sitter. Tell me, Ren, Where did your mother drag those rejects in from? The streets?"

"Fuck off," Kylo retorted, slamming his locker. "They're just foster kids."

And of course, Hux now taunts Finn with that information. Kylo averts his eyes. If his mother finds out, she'll be crushed. Not that that would be anything new. She's always disappointed in him. Ever since Luke.

And that girl. Rey. She was out there helping his father, impressing him, just like Kylo's sure his father always wanted his child to do. Handing him the tools or whatever the hell they're called, the things Kylo doesn't care to learn about. He scowls, rubbing his thumbs against the edge of his desk.

Mr. Fix It will fix anything except what really scares him. And Kylo definitely scares him.

He twirls a pencil, waiting for Mr. Snoke to finish talking. Of course, Snoke wants to talk to Kylo after class.

"Interesting," Snoke comments. "I have your foster sister after lunch."

Kylo gulps. "They're exchange students."

Snoke nods. "I've seen their records. They're fine." His hand reaches out, rubbing Kylo's shoulder. "They'll do well, I'm sure, but you have to be better than them. The boy you can be. The girl—her records are exceptional."

"Huh?" Kylo gapes at Snoke.

"You're the most talented mentee I've ever had," Snoke says. "A pupil like you can't waste his potential by losing to a rat from Jakku."

Kylo blinks. "You haven't even met her yet."

"I'm aware, Kylo," snaps Snoke. "I'm simply warning you. Don't be slacking off. I noticed you not taking notes during class today. It seems to becoming more of a habit with you."

Kylo stiffens. He curls his fists, as if hiding his fingers will keep Snoke from seeing him, will hide himself in his sweatshirt. He's too big to hide.

"Think about more than just yourself," Snoke says. "Your future is on the line, and mine is too. You're worth investing so much time and energy in, because I see such raw potential in you."

Snoke's unspoken words hang in the air.  _No one else would take a chance on you. Not after what everyone knows about what you did to Luke Skywalker._  Kylo's head hangs.

"Look me in the eyes," Snoke snips. "You can't stand like a defeated person every time you think about something you don't like about yourself, Kylo."

Kylo straightens. He lifts his chin. "I'll study hard. And work hard."

"I know you will. You just need reminders sometimes." Snoke pulls away. "You better run to lunch."

Kylo nods. He hesitates.

"Yes?" Snoke turns his back to Kylo, erasing the chalkboard. Dust floats through the air, tickling Kylo's nose. It burns, but he won't let himself sneeze. "Is it true you're also mentoring Hux for the engineering project?"

"It is," Snoke confirms.

 _That weasel!_  Kylo grits his teeth. Hux's dad owns the local casino and was a big-shot at some motor company for years, and Hux will stop at nothing to make Kylo's life miserable in every way he can. Except he can never beat Kylo on any exams.  _I'm still better than him._

He makes it to the cafeteria, which smells of bologna and depression like always. Hux, Phasma, and a few other idiots always eat together, and he has nowhere else to eat. He'd prefer to eat alone. If Hux continues to be insufferable, which Snoke's support will almost certainly guarantee, he'll do just that.

Kylo glances across the cafeteria. Finn and Rey join Poe Dameron's table, because of course they do. They're laughing. The sound grates.

"You know, for a someone from the gutters, she's not hard to look at," Hux says.

It takes Kylo a minute to realize what Hux is saying.  _Rey_. He glares at him. Hux's lips curve into a smirk, and Kylo knows instantly that he's failed. Hux doesn't mean it. Of course he doesn't. He's just trying to gauge Kylo's reaction.

And Kylo just gave him one. Kylo stabs his fork down. He'd love to stab it through Hux's eye.

He and Rey wind up in the Luke Skywalker's biology class together. His uncle barely greets Rey, and of course, he doesn't greet Kylo at all. At the start of the year all the students whispered about it. Now they accept it. Rey gives him a curious glance though.

He tries to take notes, remembering Snoke's words. He can't. His mind's all over the place. If he loses this competition, Snoke will be furious. Dad would just probably say of course he lost, and Luke—and Mom—

 _I won't lose._ His stomach clamps.

The next class is just a goddamn study hall supervised by the school doctor, of all people. Dr. Kalonia. Kylo pulls out his textbooks when he hears Rey asking to go to the restroom. He watches her slip out the door, glancing around. She heads right, looks down at her phone, frowns, and heads left.

 _Huh_. Kylo could wager a guess that he knows exactly where she's going, and if she gets caught, it's detention for her. And a fast track to his mother's disappointment. Watch her sabotage herself.

He raises his hand.

"Yes?" asks Dr. Kalonia.

"Restroom," he says, and she nods. Kylo strides out into the hallway, hurrying after her.

"You know if you get caught, you get an automatic detention," he calls when he spots her heading down the deserted hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: finally, Rose, and finally, plot. Feel free to let me know what you think!


	3. Too Much to Handle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

Finn yelps, hands flying up. "Sorry, sorry!"

The girl wipes at her eyes, dropping the necklace she's been clutching. She's cute, Asian, dressed in cargo pants and a sweatshirt. Her eyes widen when she sees Finn. "You're one of the exchange students!"

"Um—" Finn's stomach clenches in a knot. "Yes. I am. Who are you?"

"Rose Tico," she says.

 _You!_ Finn gulps.

Blotches cover her face, but she grins. "I was hoping to meet you. I help down at the office sometimes, help Threepio out, and I processed all your applications. I saw how amazing your project was at your old school. I want to be and engineer too, you know, and your project was so incredible. I told myself I just had to meet you, and here you are!"

 _Whoa_. Finn's head spins. He can't imagine why anyone would want to meet him. He's nothing special. He's a foster kid trying to make it in a world that would prefer to crush him.

"Are you working on your project? Do you know what you're doing yet?" Rose's brow creases. "Wait, do you even have an advisor yet?"

Finn shakes his head, gaze skittering past Rose towards the gym entrance. He just needs to move beyond that. "No," he says. "I don't."

"Well," says Rose. "I'm working with Leia Organa. She just told me today. I'm sure she'd be willing to help you out, you know, since you're staying with her, or recommend someone."

"She said she's give some suggestions," Finn says.

"Are you partnering with anyone?" Rose asks. "I saw you hanging out with Poe Dameron and that other exchange student, Rey, today at lunch. I like to watch people. Rey's really smart too, isn't she?"

Rose is like the embodiment of soda, Finn decides. Bubbly and sweet and prone to stressing him out. He slips past her. "She is. I'll see you later, okay, Rose?"

Rose frowns. "Where are you going?"

 _Uh_. Finn shrugs. "Bathroom."

"Didn't you just come from Ackbar's study hall? I printed your schedules too," Rose says, giggling.

"Creepy," Finn retorts.

Rose's eyes narrow. "Bathroom's that way, Finn." She jerks her hand in the opposite direction.

 _Oops_. "New here," Finn explains, inching in the direction she pointed to. "What class are you supposed to be in?"

Rose's gaze bores into his. "I'm not. I'm the hall monitor."

Finn swallows.

"You're going to meet Poe Dameron behind the gym, aren't you?" Rose states.

The sunlight pouring through the window behind Rose blinds Finn. He shields his eyes. "No."

"You're a terrible liar," Rose informs him. "Go back to study hall and I won't report you."

"What?" Finn yelps. "Report?" _What the hell?_

"It's an automatic detention and the rules are there to protect us."

"I'm sorry, what? From missing forty-five minutes of—"

"No," Rose snaps. "You don't get it, do you?"

"That you're a tattletale? Didn't that go out of fashion in third grade?"

"There's a difference between tattling just to get someone in trouble and trying to protect someone," Rose retorts. She folds her arms over her chest. "What're you gonna do, Finn?"

"Calm down."

"No, you—"

"Is there a problem here?" purrs a voice. Finn turns slowly to stare at the towering figure of Mr. Snoke, who looks down at him and Rose in disgust. "Loitering in the hallways is not allowed."

"Hall monitor," Rose says quickly, holding up a badge. "Just telling Finn where the bathroom is; first day, you know. People get lost."

Mr. Snoke nods. "Indeed." He moves on.

"I heard that some students were behind the gym though!" Rose calls.

Finn clutches his skull. "Rose!"

"Shut up," she hisses. " _Finn_."

"Oh, are they?" asks Mr. Snoke, spinning around. There's something creepy in the way he eyes Finn and Rose both up and down. "I shall report it immediately. Except, Miss Tico, how would you know?"

"I heard them talking about it," Rose says quickly.

"Who?"

"I—"

"And you didn't inform anyone?" Mr. Snoke strokes his chin with long, deathly white fingers. This guy could be a walking animated skeleton. "I can only conclude, Miss Tico, that you knew about it from him." He points at Finn.

"No," Rose says.

"Lying is also worth a detention, Miss Tico." Mr. Snoke shakes his head. "Your parents will be so disappointed. I'm sure they can't handle another disappointment."

Rose's face reddens. Finn scowls.

"Both of you go to the office and report that you have a detention today after school," Mr. Snoke orders.

Now Finn's jaw drops. 'That's so unfair! She's the hall monitor, and I—"

"You're not a good liar," says Mr. Snoke. "Carry on." He strides back, towards the gym.

Rose curses. She glances at Finn.

He glowers at her.

* * *

Rey freezes when his deep voice calls out behind her. Jaw tightening, she turns around to face him. He strides towards her, Doc Martens clopping against the tiles.

"Excuse me?"

Kylo looks at her, locks perfect as if he emptied an entire can of hairspray onto his hair. "The school's pretty strict about students skipping classes. There was an incident in the fall where some kids skipped and went out driving, and there was an accident. Paige Tico's been in a coma ever since."

"That's awful," Rey says.

"Mm." Kylo stops, towering over her. "I suppose Dameron put you up to this?"

"I make my own decisions," Rey snaps, putting her hands on her hips. "Bye." She turns and stalks off.

"Wait!" he calls.

"Do you want to come too?" she asks.

Kylo's lips curl in disgust. "No. I want nothing to do with that Dameron character."

"Why do you have such a chip on your shoulder?" Rey demands. "You've been nothing but rude. To me, to Finn, to Poe, and your friends are even worse."

Kylo rubs his chin. "They're not my friends. They're just… people I eat lunch with."

Rey stares at him. "Aren't those friends?"

Kylo snorts. "Not in my books."

Rey arches her eyebrows. "So there's a secret checklist?"

He scowls. "No. Are you making fun of me?"

Now Rey's confused. "No?"

"Oh." He glances away. "Well, I wasn't kidding. You should go back to class before you get caught."

Rey frowns. "I'm pretty good at not getting caught at things, thanks."

Kylo's eyes pop. "I don't think that's something you should advertise."

"I don't think you should be trying to tell me what to do," Rey says. "However well-intentioned you might be." She turns to leave. "And by the way, Finn told me you told your 'not friends' about us being foster kids. I don't personally give a rat's ass, but Finn does. Could you think about someone besides yourself for once?"

"It wasn't like that!" He catches up with her. "I wasn't trying to—it was just a fact. I can't help how Hux took it."

Rey glares up at him, thinking of the look on Finn's face, his furrowed brow and pinched lips, when he told her. He seemed really worried that she would be upset, but she wasn't. Not really. At least she had a kind home now. "Maybe get some new friends of convenience."

"I'm sorry," he mutters.

Rey rolls her eyes. "It's not me you should apologize to."

He almost smiles. "I guess not."

"You want to come with us?" Rey invites. "I'm sure they wouldn't mind." Although given what Poe said yesterday, he actually might. Whatever. She doesn't want to worry about that. "It'd be fun. We can hang out. You can maybe make more convenience buddies."

Kylo shakes his head. "Those kids are a path to ruin, Rey."

"That's a little dramatic, don't you think?"

"No. They're responsible for what happened to Paige Tico," says Kylo. "If you want to win the scholarship, you should focus on your work. You know, if you want a mentor, I can try with Mr. Snoke—they allow team-ups, we could—"

"Mr. Snoke?" Rey asks, crossing her arms. "The guy who told me he never expected to find someone from Jakku in this school? I know what kind of person he is. Hux Senior basically. No thanks."

Kylo throws his hands in the air. "I'm just trying to help."

"You're rude," she says. "If you hang out with the likes of them and if Snoke's your idea of a good mentor, then it's no wonder you're so—"

" _I'm_ rude? I'm not the one lecturing someone I just met—"

"I'm not the one—"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Poe's voice cuts through the hallway. "It wasn't—"

Mr. Snoke rounds the bed. _Speak of the devil._ Rey gulps.

Mr. Snoke's beady eyes narrow as he catches sight of Rey and Kylo. "Shall I assume you were on your way to meet this band of delinquents?"

"A little harsh, don't you think?" Poe quips. Jess Pava and Snap stand behind him, both scowling.

"No, I don't," retorts Mr. Snoke. "And neither does anyone else, Mr. Dameron. We all know about you. Now all of you. Come to the office with me. And you can face your mother, Kylo."

"He wasn't—" Rey starts, but Kylo kicks her leg. _Ow!_ She glares at him.

"You were saying?" Mr. Snoke faces her.

Rey holds up her hands. _Detention. On my first day._

_This school is insane._

* * *

"Seriously?" Mom crosses her arms and glares at the seven of them.

Kylo can't believe Rose Tico, of all people, is here. And Finn. His mother must be so proud. Her desk is covered with not a single photograph of their family, just a monitor and files.

And a pair of dice. Kylo swallows.

" _I want to play with them."_

" _Not now, Ben," Dad called over his shoulder as he reached forward from the backseat. Chewie chuckled from the passenger seat. Mom kept her hold on him._

_And Chewie wordlessly took them down for him, handing them to Ben. He cheered, tossing them up in the air and catching them._

" _Don't throw them on your father," Mom told him, arm around him. "We'll be at Uncle Luke's soon."_

" _I'm going to play dice professionally," Ben proclaimed, looking out the car window at the pine trees rushing by. "Or be like Uncle Luke."_

He tried to be like Uncle Luke, and it turned out poorly. Kylo clenches his fists. He doesn't want to meet his mother's eyes. He focuses on Rey instead, who looks pissed as hell. He likes that. She's got fire. She's not some Jakku junk rat, and next time Hux says that Kylo's decking him in the nose.

Finn looks terrified, biting his lip incessantly. Rose glances up at him, a frown on her face. Poe leans back against the wall.

"I'm calling all of your parents," Mom says.

"Even his?" quips Poe, gesturing to Kylo.

If looks could kill, Poe would be a puddle of sludge on the ground. That look streaming from his mother's eyes is pure acid. Poe blanches.

"Starting with yours, Dameron," Mom says. "You'll all clean the school after classes are over today. Meet Threepio in the office."

"Sorry," Poe squeaks.

"You're dismissed," Mom says. "Dameron, Tico, Pava, Wexley. Finn, Rey, Ben, stay."

Finn and Rey exchange an anxious glance. Kylo lowers his head.

"I'm sorry," Finn blurts out the moment Rose closes the door behind her. "It won't happen again, Ms. Organa."

"When we're not around other students, Finn, you can call me Leia," Mom says. "And I'm not angry at you or Rey."

Of course she isn't. She's not even angry with him. She's given up on him. But she'll still have hope for these two. Kylo wants to scream and throw her papers and manila folders off her desk, stomp his feet and tear out his hair. _Why am I not enough? What did I do wrong?_

Nothing, he supposes. He was sent off to Luke for the summers because they thought he had potential. But that wasn't true. He was born, that's what he did wrong. By being born, he got in the way of both his parents' careers.

" _Sometimes I feel like don't know the first thing about being a parent, Leia," Dad complained to Mom one night, when Ben was about seven and got in a fight with Armitage Hux at school._

"I just want to express that these are the rules at Crait," says Leia. "Yes, I'm aware that they're strict rules, but they exist for a reason. We've had a tough year here."

Rey looks at Kylo. He meets her eyes.

"Please respect them," she concludes. "The two of you, leave."

Finn and Rey mumble apologies, slipping out. And now she turns to him. "Really, Ben?"

"Kylo," he cuts in.

"Fine, Kylo." Mom gets to her feet, rounding her desk and leaning back against it. "This is the fourth detention you've had this year, B-Kylo. Twice for sassing teachers, once for being late, and now for skipping class? What's going on with you?'

 _Don't pretend you care_. "Sorry I'm not perfect," Kylo lashes out. "I'm totally worse than Poe Dameron, you know, despite what he did to that Tico girl—"

"Stop deflecting, Kylo! Listen to me," Mom says. "We're discussing you. Not anyone else."

"We're always discussing someone else," he snaps.

"Do you want me to give you another week of detentions? Because the school could use the cleaning."

He shuts his mouth, glowing at her. He towers above her, and he hates that. He wants to be small again, fold himself up in her arms, but he can't. And even when he could, it was all a lie.

" _You need to move on from your disappointments," Snoke's told him._

But it's hard. It's so hard. Especially when you are a walking, breathing disappointment.

* * *

"All three of you?" sneers Hux. Good grief, Finn's only known him six hours and he's already done with the guy. "Your mom must be so proud. She's in over her head. Ren."

Rey's eyes flash. She steps forward. Finn grabs her arm. _Don't get in a fight, for the love._

Kylo's face reddens. "You don't know her at all, if you think that."

Huh. Maybe he isn't so bad. Finn nods.

They all report to the office afterwards, where Threepio stands, flapping his hands in anxiety. "I'm splitting you up to clean. The mops and brooms and buckets are all in the closet just outside. Snap, you and Poe will take the science wing. Jess, you, Rey, and Rose will take the arts wing."

"Not sexist at all," mumbles Rose.

 _Hm?_ Finn's impressed. He thought she was hardly the type to sass, given her hardcore rule-following shtick from earlier.

"Finn, you and Ben—"

"Kylo," he interrupts, clenching his fists.

"I'm sorry, Ben, but that's the name your parents gave you, and seeing as I've known her since she was a little girl, I can hardly—"

Poe chortles. Kylo looks as if he'd like to pummel him. "Fine, whatever."

"Well," says Threepio. "The two of you will take the front office and gym areas. I want you to wash the floors."

"Doesn't this place have janitors?" Finn jokes to Kylo as they meander out.

Kylo shrugs. "I guess they get a break today."

Finn liked the janitors at his old school. Mostly because his after-school job was helping them. They didn't act as if they were better than him, which almost every other person did. He hauls the yellow mop bucket out of the closet. Kylo fills it with water, and then they're off.

"Didn't know this place was so strict," Finn comments, trying to make conversation. But Kylo doesn't look as if he's biting.

"It's not that bad."

Finn nods. "I like it, though. You know. I like it."

Kylo says nothing this time, sliding the mop up and down the floor.

"You know," Finn says. "I think we got off a little on the wrong foot. We're living under the same roof. I'd like to be friends. Or if not friends to at least get along better."

Kylo looks at him. "That'd be ideal."

Finn nods, relieved.

"Too bad the world isn't ideal," Kylo adds.

Finn's jaw drops. "What is your problem? Are you just straight-up racist? Or—"

"No, I just—" Kylo grits his teeth. "It's hard for me to make friends, okay?"

"Because you're a pompous ass." Finn snatches the mop. "That's not how you mop. You're just smearing dirt around, O Chosen One."

Kylo grits his teeth. "That isn't what I meant. You just—you're—my parents—their idea of making things better is to take on more, okay? You're more. Rey is more. This school had a tragedy last semester, so they want to make it better, take everyone's mind off it, by taking in more people to make this the best competition this place has ever had, this year."

Kylo's words hit Finn in his gut. "So Rey and I are just tools, for your parents and your school district, and that gives you the right to spit on us. I see how it is."

"That's not what I said—"

"Yes," Finn cuts in, turning to face him and leaning on the mop handle. "It is."

Kylo's eyes flash. "You didn't have to listen to my parents talking you up—talking you both up—for weeks. _Oh, Finn's really brilliant, look at how bold his inventions are, he's got guts!_ "

"You're jealous of a foster kid?" Finn demands. "You have two parents. Maybe you should try being bloody grateful for once." _I didn't ask to be born this way. It's not my fault they accepted me._

_I just want to find a place to belong, to not feel unwanted for once in my life, to not feel like a goddamn burden. I want the chance to make my own choices, do something good for once._

Kylo's fist flies out. Finn ducks. He snatches the mop, swinging it at Kylo's perfect hair. _See how you like suds, asshole._

"The fuck?" screams a voice. Finn barely has a chance to register the voice before Rey's fist flies out, clocking Kylo in the nose. He stumbles back. Rey wrenches the mop out of Finn's hands. "Stop it!"

"Rey," says Kylo, gaping at her. He's not injured.

"I heard what you said," Rey says, voice trembling. "Maybe consider what it's actually like to grow up in our shoes for once. You're a selfish asshole, just like Finn said." Her voice cracks.

Rose and Jess peer down the hallway, glaring at Kylo. Rey helps Finn up, and for the first time in his life, he feels like someone sees him.


	4. The Hidden Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

"Kid, can I come in?"

Kylo glares down at the cigarettes he holds in his hands. He shoves them into his desk drawer and doesn't answer.

"Kid?"

"That's not my name," he says finally.

The door opens. Dad comes in, flicking on the light. "You'll damage your eyes." He stops and takes in the room. Black sheets and a gray comforted tossed in a heap at the foot of the bed, his desk covered in papers and half-finished robot designs, trash overflowing with Starbucks cups and the window seat which sits in the turret, stained. "Good grief, kid."

"What do you want?" Kylo asks, picking up a pen again and doodling. His calligraphy books sit nearby. He hasn't opened them in months. He curls his fist.

"To talk to you."

"A new phenomenon," Kylo can't resist saying. He stabs the pen into the holes in the notebook.

Dad sighs. He heaves himself down on the edge of Kylo's bed. "Your mother's worried."

"Of course." Because of course it was his mother who sent Dad in here. She cares. Dad doesn't give a shit. Kylo could scream. He'd rather nothing at all from the man than this fake concern. He can go shower it on those two kids, the kids he wanted. Just like Poe Dameron, who might as well be the fuckboy son Dad always wanted, nothing like Kylo who was studious and preferred reading to working on cars. Even though he _can_ do it, and do it well.

"Don't be so dismissive."

Kylo throws his head back and laughs. He just wants the man out of his room.

"Ben—"

"It's Kylo."

Dad exhales. "No, actually, it's not, kid. We named you Ben after—"

"I know all about Ben Kenobi, which wasn't even his real name. I know what he did for you and Mom and Uncle Luke." The name comes out bitter.

"How's having your uncle as a teacher?"

An innocuous question. A poisoned question. Kylo raps his pencil against the desk, rapid-fire. "You mean how he's so generous for not taking out his firing on me?"

"Ben. Come on."

"No, you come on," Kylo retorts, turning to glare at his father. It's not like he cares. He and Mom still don't know, and they'll never know. They'll always think it was his fault, because that's what it looks like, and Uncle Luke doesn't want to tell them because it's too painful or whatever and Kylo's just too tired to care anymore. Let them think the worst of him. They've been thinking the worst of him his entire life. He heard them, right before they started shipping him off to Uncle Luke's for the summers.

" _That kid needs something to do with his spare time," Dad said. "Else he's gonna start getting into trouble."_

His father's one to talk, though.

"Don't talk like that. I'm trying—I want to help you, Ben."

"Call me by the name I want to be called, then."

"I'm not using some stupid-ass name that Snoke came up with. I don't like him, Ben, and—"

"He's just a teacher, which is more than you've ever amounted to, and he actually cares about me and how I do in school!" Kylo shouts.

"Your attitude is—"

"Just go away then, if you don't like my attitude! Go away and leave me alone! We all know that's what you'd prefer to do anyways!" Kylo yells.

_Tell me I'm wrong._

_Tell me you care._

_Tell me._

_Help me. Ask me what really happened with Uncle Luke. Ask me._

Dad shakes his head in disgust. "Ben, we have two other kids staying here—can't you—"

"Just pretend everything is fine? Go to hell. No, I don't feel like it," Kylo snarls. "I don't feel like listening to you or Mom's ridiculous rules and your stupid—"

"Ben, you—"

"It's Kylo!" he screams, and he grabs a mug of pencils and slams it onto the ground. The mug shatters.

"Jesus, Ben!"

He has half a mind to toss the shards into Han Fucking Solo's face. But he can't. Instead, he just glares. "You're a coward."

_I used to think you were brave. When I was a kid and you would pick me up, fly me around the yard over your head._

" _I believe you," Snoke told him. "I believe you, Kylo."_

"Ben, we kept you out of prison, so—"

 _That's not what happened_! "For my sake or yours? It's always about you. Always!"

"Kylo—"

A last-ditch effort. Too little, too late. And it almost feels like a blow. He glares. "I wish you were dead."

_Slap me. Grab me. Hold me. Yell at me._

Even in the lamp's orange light, Dad's face visibly grays. But instead he just nods. "Okay, Ben."

And he turns and leaves, door clicking behind him.

Shit. He doesn't feel better. Kylo drops onto the floor, reaching for the shards of the mug. But he doesn't want to glue them back together, or throw them out in his already overflowing bin. Who cares? Who fucking cares? He grabs the shards and stabs them into his arm, right over the bruise he got when Snoke pushed him the other day.

And outside his room, he hears voices, bickering. Mom and Dad's. "He just told me he wishes I was dead!"

"I'm sure he doesn't mean it, Han."

"I don't know, he seemed pretty certain to me."

_Stop. I didn't mean it. I meant—I meant—_

He curls his fists, blood dripping down one of them, staining the carpet, but it's so dark he'll never clean it and no one will notice.

* * *

Rey lies on her bed, listening to Leia and Han bicker about their son. She can't believe it. What kind of son would tell his parents he wished they were dead? She'd give anything just to have parents.

She rolls over, worry chomping at her. What if her parents came back while she was here? The guidance counselor told her not to worry about it, but Rey knows she can't trust Unkar Plutt to tell them where she is. If that fish-man even remembers where she is. She's waited so long for them. All she knows of them was that they put her hair in these buns, and she remembers screaming on Unkar Plutt's lawn while his meaty fingers crushed her shoulders.

" _Come back!"_

" _I'll be back soon, sweetheart, I promise!"_

It's been eleven years.

Rey used to count days, but she can't anymore. She bites her lip, getting up and pacing her room. The windows are drafty. Rey shivers. She pulls out her phone and hesitates.

No. She climbs down the stairs, wondering if Finn's awake so she can talk to him. But the light under his door's off, and she doesn't want to bother him. Rey slips back into the stairway, dialing.

"Hello?" asks the gruff voice she remembers, the voice that sends chills down her spine.

"Unkar Plutt? It's Rey."

For a moment she's almost afraid he'll reply " _who?"_ But instead he snorts. "What do you want? In jail again yet?"

"No," Rey answers, keeping her voice low as she huddles on a step. "It's nice here."

"What're you calling me for, then?"

"Did they—did you hear anything from them?" Rey ventures. "My parents?" Her chest aches.

"No. The answer's always the same, Rey. And think before you rack up my phone bill next time. Supposedly you've got a brain." A click resounds in her ears.

Rey blinks, staring at her phone screen. She presses her head into her knees, a lump growing in her throat. But she learned long ago, not a month or two after they left, that crying wasn't going to bring them back, and that all it earned for her was a slap from Unkar's calloused hand.

A footstep creaks. Rey leaps to her feet, heart pounding. The last thing she wants is for someone to see her crying and think she isn't grateful.

She flees up the stairs, to her room alone, where she digs out the rag doll she made for herself years ago. She sleeps with it pressed against her cheek, like a child she will never let go.

The next morning, Rey can hardly look at Kylo. _What a dick_.

"You okay?" Finn whispers to her.

Rey looks back at him, eyes wide. She nods. "Just—worried about finding an advisor by tomorrow."

"Talk to Luke today," Leia encourages as Rey toasts a bagel, stomach rumbling. The sweet smell of cinnamon raisin spreads through the air, waking her up. She contemplates butter or cream cheese before deciding on both. Unkar never served her breakfast.

Kylo says nothing, but he slams his coffee mug down. Rey glowers at him. _Ungrateful brat._

During biology, Rey can hardly concentrate. Which is just fine with her, because they're discussing anatomy, specifically reproductive anatomy.

"I thought this was usually covered in health classes," Finn whispers to Poe.

"Yeah," Poe whispers. "It is. I mean, it's not like he's discussing birth control."

"You were saying, Mr. Dameron?" asks Mr. Skywalker. Rey gulps.

"I was just telling Finn that this is different from health class because we're not discussing, like, STDs or pregnancy," says Poe. "Well, we are discussing pregnancy. But not how to prevent it."

"Clever, Dameron," says Mr. Skywalker. "Now keep that mouth shut."

Hux whispers something to Phasma. Both of them laugh.

"Yes?" snaps Mr. Skywalker.

"I was saying that our two foster kids might have benefited from such a class," says Phasma. "Since I'm sure they're both not exactly stellar examples of morality."

"Prude," Poe snaps.

Rey stiffens. Finn looks as if he's contemplating whacking Phasma over the head with a desk. Kylo slouches in his desk, focusing on doodling in that notebook of his.

"Too bad your parents didn't prevent _you_ ," Rose Tico shoots back. Finn's eyebrows fly up in appreciation.

Rey coughs. Mr. Skywalker looks as if he's ready to throw his book across the room. "Next person who talks out of turn gets a detention."

 _Did_ her parents wish they'd prevented her? Rey has no way of knowing. After the bell, Rey scrambles to the front of the classroom. "Um, Mr. Skywalker? I wanted to talk to you."

Mr. Skywalker drinks what looks like a green smoothie. "Yes? Rey, was it?"

She nods. "I was wondering if you would be willing to advise me for the—"

"No," Mr. Skywalker interrupts. "I told my sister when I started this job that I was not mentoring any more students. I had my share of that when I worked as a professor."

Rey's jaw drops. "But, Mr. Skywalker, your sister's the one who told me to ask—"

"Leia's always been a stronger person than I am," Mr. Skywalker says, gulping more green liquid. He wipes at his mouth. "My answer is no. There are plenty of braver teachers in this school."

"But I'm talented," Rey tries. "They say I am. If I wasn't I wouldn't have gotten this scholarship." _Unless they just felt sorry for me_. She flexes her fingers.

"I don't doubt that," says Mr. Skywalker, turning his back to her. "But my answer is no, Rey."

The lump returns to her throat. Rey spins and rushes out of his classroom.

And almost smack into Kylo Ren, who's been leaning against the wall. "Let me guess. It didn't go well."

"Oh, what do you care?" Rey retorts.

"You could always still work with me. We could pair up—I'm sure I can convince Mr. Snoke—"

Rey gapes at him. "I would sooner eat sand than work with you."

He flinches.

"I heard you. You and your—friends—they're awful. And you were awful to Finn yesterday. And you were awful to your father. What kind of son tells their father they wish he was dead? You're a—" Rey struggles for the right word. "A monster." Hyperbolic? Sure. But she doesn't care.

_Why? I'd give anything to have your parents._

_Why?_

"If Han Solo were your father," he calls after her as she stalks off. "He would have disappointed you."

* * *

"Hey, Finn!"

He slams his locker shut and turns around. Rose Tico jogs up to him, black hair pulled back just as messily as yesterday. "Yeah?"

"Sorry," Rose says, skidding to a stop. She brushes her bangs back. "I just—you know. I wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday. I didn't mean for you to get detention on your first day; that kinda sucks. Also sorry those losers are being mean to you, but they'll get bored with you and move on to a new target soon enough. They're just looking for something to do with their lives besides spend Daddy's credit cards."

Finn blinks. "Nah, it's okay. I'm not mad at you."

Rose breaks into a smile. "Okay, cool." A pendant dangles from her neck. She clutches it. "What're you doing after school?"

Finn shrugs. "Going home? Poe invited me to come over in a bit to play with Beebee-Ate."

Rose nods eagerly. "He's a cute dog."

Finn doesn't know if she's hinting for an invite or what. "You know Poe well?"

"Kind of." Rose sticks her hands in her pocket, falling into step beside Finn. "My sister, Paige—she's a senior, or she would be—she's good friends with Poe. She used to hang out at his place. I was kinda too busy studying—I'm not popular like her."

"Where is she now?" Finn ventures. He remembers what Phasma and Hux said about Poe. His heart hammers inside his chest.

Rose's face falls. "She's in a coma."

"Oh my God," Finn says. _Oops_. That was probably not the best thing to say. "I mean, I'm so sorry, Rose."

"I'm heading over there in an hour," Rose says. "To visit her." She glances at him. "Want to get a soda first? Before you head over to Poe's? I'll treat you."

"Um, okay," Finn says. "I just have to tell Rey we're going."

"Invite her too if you want to!" Rose calls as he hurries up to Rey, tapping her shoulder.

"Sounds fun," Rey says. "But I've gotta talk to Maz about finding an advisor. I've heard she can do it."

"Same boat," Finn admits. "Let me know if you find out any tips."

Rey gives him a thumbs-up.

"Must be nice," Rose comments as he meets up with her again. "Having a sister. I miss it."

"Mm." Rey's a very pretty sister. Finn doesn't know what to say as they leave outside.

"There's a convenience store not far from here. My parents are always at the hospital. Obviously. They take shifts, in case she wakes up."

"What _did_ happen?" Finn wants to know as they cross the street, cars honking at them for jaywalking. Oh well.

Rose ducks into a convenience store. She grabs a 7Up and turns to Finn. He grabs a Coke. She pays for them. "It's not bad out today, want to drink outside?"

Finn agrees. They sit at some deserted collection of tables with holes in the center for umbrellas during summertime, Finn figures. Finn unscrews the soda cap. It starts to explode, and he slams it back down. Rose laughs.

"My sister snuck out with Poe, Jess, and Snap to ditch for a day," Rose says finally. "I knew they were going—they asked me to join—but I liked following the rules, so I said no. But then the weather was terrible, and they hit a pothole, and another driver slammed into the side of them—they were okay, though. They pulled over and Paige went to help the driver of the other car when a third car hit the pothole too and hit her. She went flying thirty feet. Hit her head." Rose gulps some of her soda. She pinches her necklace.

"I'm sorry," Finn says. "I can't even imagine. I never had a family, but if I did, I think I'd be devastated." He thinks of Rey, of Leia and Han.

"It's really sad," Rose says. "People blame Poe, but it's really not his fault. But that's why they're super strict about students sneaking out now." She hunches over. "I just miss her. I want to make her proud."

"Hux and Phasma blame him."

"They just want to make him miserable. They're dickheads." Rose snorts. "Hux's dad owns this big casino in town. He's a brat and he's always been." Rose holds out the pendant. "Our parents gave us these. They match." She smiles. "The doctors let her keep it in the hospital. When she wakes up, she'll see it." Her smile vanishes. Clouds roll overhead. "If she wakes up."

"She will," Finn says.

Rose cocks her head.

"I'm an optimist," Finn offers, unscrewing the cap again. This time it doesn't explode, and he takes a sip. The air almost feels like spring. But it's still January. Way too early for this. It'll probably only get colder. His stomach clenches.

"Thanks." The breeze blows Rose's bangs against her face. She rubs her chin. "She's better than me in every way, you know. Smart. Personable. Beautiful."

 _I don't see how you're not any of those things,_ Finn thinks. "Is Leia really your advisor?" he asks instead, changing the subject.

Rose nods eagerly. "Yup. Poe wanted her but he got stuck with Ms. Holdo instead. She probably just feels badly about my sister, but either way, it's nice. She's nice. I like her." Rose beams. "I want to make a device you can put on your car to detect potholes. They already kind of make them, but I want to refine it."

"That's amazing," Finn says. "I—still don't know what I want to do. A plane or something." But it isn't helping people directly, like Rose's is.

"Planes are cool," Rose says. "The thing is, it's definitely going to be stretching my capabilities. I'm good with computers, but less so with vehicles."

"Funny," Finn says, heart starting to pound. "I'm the opposite."

Rose blinks, staring at him. "Seriously?"

He nods.

"Well," says Rose slowly. "We can work in teams, you know."

"I know." Finn cocks his head. "Would you want to?"

"Hell yeah!" Rose bursts out. "I mean—I saw that—robot you designed on your application—it was so cool—I can't believe I'd actually get to work with you!" She claps her hands to her face.

Finn grins. He doesn't understand how Rose can be so excited. And Leia will surely refuse to mentor him. He'd just complicate things for her.

After all, he's no one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Finn and Poe talk, Rey reaches an agreement with a reluctant Luke Skywalker, and Snoke pits Hux and Kylo against each other.


	5. Stained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

"That's awesome!" Poe exclaims when Finn tells him about teaming up with Rose. "Man, having Leia as an advisor. That's the dream." He offers Finn a donut. Beebee-Ate whimpers, looking at the pastry with love in his eyes and his butt wriggling.

Finn glances at Poe, who grimaces but shakes his head.

"Sorry, buddy," Finn tells the dog, taking a bite. Donuts and pastries were not a part of his childhood. Poe's living room is homey, wooden with large, plush couches and armchairs. Model planes sit on the mantle, and a photograph of whom Finn assumes are his parents with a toddler Poe sitting on his mom's lap grins at them from above the fireplace. "Your mom make these?" Finn asks.

Poe shakes his head. "She died last year. Cancer."

The pastry turns to glue in Finn's mouth. He chokes. "I'm—so sorry Poe."

Poe shrugs, grabbing a throw pillow and tossing it up in the air. "It's okay."

"Not really," Finn says.

Poe reaches down and pulls Beebee-Ate onto the couch. "He's not supposed to be up here, but whatever."

"I won't tell," Finn jokes.

"Still," Poe says, staring at the blank TV screen. "You never had a family. I feel bad complaining."

Finn snorts, leaning back. He stares at the wooden ceiling. "I think that's bull. You still lost your mom. I'd give anything to have a mother to mourn, but that's still—you're still mourning."

Poe frowns. "I guess. I'm still sorry for you, too. I wish everyone could grow up with, like, parents who are always there for them and always love them."

"No kidding," Finn says, finishing the sweet donut. Powdered sugar coats his fingers. He thinks of Leia and Han and Kylo. What if that's not even enough, though? If it was, why would Kylo be so miserable?

Beebee-Ate leaps and gobbles the crumbs. Finn snickers. Poe rolls his eyes.

"Did Rose tell you what happened to her sister?" Poe ventures, handing Finn a cup of hot chocolate. Marshmallows float on top. Between this and the soda Finn can feel diabetes creeping on. Whatever.

"Um," Finn says. "Yes." He hopes Poe isn't angry. He hopes Poe doesn't kick him out. One time when he said something wrong to his foster mother, she hit him over the head, told him he would never be normal, and a few weeks later he was sent to a new home.

He doesn't even remember what he said to upset her so much. He can barely remember her face.

"That goddamn Hux," says Poe. "You know what he said to me after the accident, with Paige?'

Finn gulps. "No?"

"He said that it was a good thing my mother was dead, because that way she wouldn't have to be ashamed of me."

Finn's jaw drops. "He's like the epitome of a terrible human being."

"Seriously." Poe snorts. He drums his fingers on the side of the mug, eyes downcast. Beebee-Ate crawls next to him, dropping his head on Poe's lap. "I do blame myself, though. I know sneaking out was wrong."

 _And yet you still do it?_  Though Finn supposes Poe didn't want to leave campus the other day.

"Paige is like that, though," Poe says. "She likes sneaking out and mischief and taking risks."

"Rose said the same," Finn confirms. He glances at Poe. "Was she your girlfriend?"

Poe's eyes bulge. He lets out a laugh.

 _Oh no._  That was wrong.

"No," Poe manages, rubbing Beebee-Ate's head.. "It's okay, Finn. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the concept. No, Paige wasn't my girlfriend. I'm gay."

"Oh," Finn says. "Cool."

"That's another barb Hux likes to throw at me," Poe says. "Because he's adding homophobia to his already long list of charming qualities." Poe leans his head back against the couch. "My dad doesn't know, though. He wouldn't freak out, he'd be fine with it, he's cool and a good person. But I still… it's hard to talk to him since Mom died."

Finn glances at the photograph above the mantle. A dark-haired woman, beautiful, beams at them. "What was her name?"

"Shara Bey," Poe says proudly. He looks up at the photograph. "I never told her either, but I'm pretty sure she knew. She's perceptive like that."

Finn nods.

"She was a good friend of Leia's," Poe adds, finishing his hot chocolate. Finn sips his. It's good, rich. "So back to Leia advising you. That's gonna be awesome. Though I suspect she might have mixed feelings because you're staying with her."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's why she didn't offer," Finn admits. "But with Rose, it should be okay, right?"

Poe nods. "I'm being advised by Ms. Holdo." His voice drips in disdain. "She's the one who dresses in all purple and is absolutely dripping in jewelry 100% of the time."

"The math teacher," Finn says, remembering her lectures. They were more interesting than he thought they'd be. "She seems nice enough."

"She's not." Poe rolls his eyes. "Paige Tico was, like, her favorite student. I'm pretty sure she's only advising me because no one else would."

Finn frowns.

"It's not as if I don't feel guilty enough," Poe adds, tossing the pillow up in the air and catching it. Beebee-Ate watches and barks. "It's like the biggest regret of my life. I hope she wakes up soon."

"Do you visit her often?" Finn ventures.

"Sometimes. It's hard though. It makes me remember sitting by my mother in her hospital room. She went quickly, you know. Ovarian cancer. Too quickly."

Finn doesn't know what to say. He gulps the now lukewarm hot chocolate.

"Anyways, sorry for dumping on you," Poe says. "What's your project going to be? I'm teaming up with Kaydel Connix. We're making a droid. We're going to name if after Beebee-Ate." He smirks.

Finn laughs. He tells Poe about his and Rose's plan for pothole detectors. He hopes Poe doesn't take this as him blaming him.

"That," says Poe. "Is an excellent idea."

* * *

"Let me call him in," Maz assures Rey. "Don't worry."

"Hm?" Rey blinks. "Mr.—Mr Skywalker? No, you don't have to call him in; he's within his rights to say no—"

But of course, Maz's tiny hand is already on the phone. "Yes, hello? Luke? Get your butt down here. Right now. We've got a situation to discuss. No, grumpy McGrumperson, it can't wait! See you in three! And that's being generous by the way; I know it only take two minutes to walk from your classroom to my office." She hangs up.

Rey gulps. "I really don't—"

"Oh, pish posh," says Maz. "How're you liking Crait?"

"It's nice." Some of the students are, anyways.

Maz leans forward, studying her.

"I'm worried my parents will come back while I'm here, though," Rey adds. She presumes Maz has seen her records.

Maz sighs. "I'm sorry, child."

"The guidance counselor at my old school told me they weren't ever coming back," Rey adds, flexing her fingers. "I can't believe that."

Maz looks at her, eyes soft. "There are other people who could still come back."

"Hm?" Rey blinks in shock. Cold bites into her stomach. Was Maz agreeing? That her parents are—gone?  _No. I don't want that. I can't._

The door opens. "Ah! Luke." Maz beckons.

Rey turns around. A mound of fluff bounds at her.

"Artoo! No!" cries out Threepio. "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Mr. Luke—your animal—"

The border collie leaps off Rey's lap and bounds over to Threepio, leaping up at him.

"Get off me, you filthy mongrel!" Threepio sounds more endeared than his words let on. Rey smiles.

Artoo leaps away from Threepio and back to Rey. She laughs, dropping off her chair to embrace the animal. He reminds her of Beebee-Ate. White hairs form around his mouth. The dog's blue eyes gleam.

"Well," says Mr. Skywalker, looking down at her. "I guess he approves of you."

"He's adorable," Rey says, scratching his ears.

"He's a monster," says Threepio.

No one pays Threepio any attention. "You rang?" Luke says, turning to Maz.

"I didn't," she says. "The universe did. See this young lady here? She's still looking for a mentor. I've read her files. I think you and her would be a great match for this project."

Mr. Skywalker's face dissolves into a frown, and Rey's hopes with it. "Maz, we've talked about this. I won't be mentoring students. I'm not cut out for it. I'm sure Rey here is a very talented engineer, but I'm simply not—"

"Hush, Skywalker," Maz commands. Rey's eyes widen. "You must face your fears, child."

Rey feels as if she's intruding on a private conversation. She turns back to Artoo, burying her face in the dog's soft fur.

"Plus, your dog likes her," Maz says.

Rey cranes her neck, looking up at Mr. Skywalker. "I don't know what your past experiences mentoring students has been like, but I promise, I'd do whatever you said. I've read about your work and I really respect it—"

His face softens. "I'm sure you have, and I'm sure you would, Rey. It's not your competency I'm worried about." He turns to Maz. "Surely Holdo or my sister—"

"It has to be you," Maz declares. "I've decided. You can't teach here and not pull your weight, Luke Skywalker, and her talents and your experience will meld well together. I think you could teach her a thing or two. Did you know, Rey, that Luke here grew up on Tatooine?"

Tatooine's just like Jakku. Rey's heard of it. She shakes her head.

"See, there you go," Maz says, clasping her hands together.

"All right," Luke agrees gruffly. He points at Rey. "Meet me after school tomorrow. Come with ideas."

Rey scrambles to her feet. Artoo whines. "I—I will! I promise. I'll be there." Her heart skips a few beats.  _Luke Skywalker is mentoring me._

She grins at Maz.

Leia's pleased when she hears, and while she expresses some concern about mentoring Finn, in the end she decides it is okay because of Rose Tico. Kylo scowls. "Good luck."

"Hm?" Rey turns to stare at him.

"You'll get sick of him quickly," Kylo informs her, pushing past. She glares after him, and then stomps to the living room. A plush gray couch sits underneath a huge window, and bookcases line the walls. She pulls out a notebook and begins to brainstorm ideas. Butterflies flutter in her stomach.

"Mind if I turn the game on?" Han asks, pausing with his hand on the clicker.

Rey shakes her head. "Please do."

He nods and settles into an armchair, letting out a sigh. "Heard you got Luke mentoring you. That's good, that's good."

Rey nods. "He wasn't particularly eager, but he agreed in the end."

"He's just scared," says Han. "Had a bad experience last time he tutored someone. But the circumstances were entirely different. He was running one of those labs up at Coruscant University, and one of the high school students he mentored over the summer—well. It didn't turn out well. Ruined his career. I think that's rather put him off mentoring students."

"What happened?" Rey asks, rolling her pencil around between her fingers.

Han lets out a huge sigh. He stares at the screen. Rey swallows. "A student spread rumors about him. Rumors that he was building weapons despite being on the news talking about peace all the time. Anyways, when no one believed the student, it came out he had a grudge against Luke and he lit the lab on fire."

Rey's jaw drops. "On fire?"

"Yep," says Han. "Sick kid."

Rey swallows.

"But don't worry," Han says. "I'm sure you have no plans to light the place on fire."

Rey laughs. "Hardly." But inside, her stomach churns and churns, and her lungs constrict. She glances towards the stairwell.

_Kylo, that's you, isn't it?_

Was it safe living here with him? How could Luke even want to be around him? She presumed they'd gotten Kylo the psychological help he clearly needed. But still.

_You're a monster._

* * *

Rey's going to be working with his uncle. Kylo snorts. He really shouldn't be surprised. Though he is worried. She's too good of a person to get pulled into all of that.

He could warn her that Luke Skywalker is not what he seems. He probably should. But she probably wouldn't believe him. No one would.

Not that he's tried to tell anyone. Uncle Luke doesn't want to talk about it, and neither does he. Kylo rolls over, dragging himself up to get ready for school.

He heard Rey on the phone with her foster father a few days ago. And he saw the way her eyes light up when she speaks to his uncle, or to his mother, or to his father. He knows that look, because it's the same look he long ago learned to smother.

There's no point in wanting.

Snoke gives him what he needs. What he wants. Belonging and a future, even after all he's done.

Kylo sprays hairspray over his hair and colors in his eyeliner. After school, Rey's meeting with his uncle, Finn with his mother and Rose Tico, and Kylo with Snoke. And Hux.

Kylo's stomach sours when he finds Hux beat him to Snoke's classroom. The boy sits primly, hands folded and lips pursed. His eyes gleam in smug satisfaction. Kylo wishes he could push him out the window.

"Welcome," says Snoke.

Kylo nods.

"I presume both of you know what you'll be working on," says Snoke, reclining against his desk. "If I ever feel as if one of you is slacking off, or letting the other work harder, I won't hesitate to end our mentorship."

Kylo blinks.  _Is that allowed?_

"But then we'd get kicked out of the competition," Hux obejcts.

"Exactly, Armitage," snaps Snoke, leaning forward, hands on his knees. "The point is, I want to see both of you working your hardest. You're both talented."

 _You have more talent than anyone I've ever seen, Kylo_ , Snoke told him only a few weeks ago, hand on his shoulder. His pulse hammers in his throat as he stares at his mentor now. Did Hux do something to impress him? Did Kylo do something to disappoint him?  _What? What did I do?_

"I'll be along to advice," Snoke says. "But it's really all on your shoulders. You two are more than capable."

Hux slides his eyes towards Kylo. Kylo focuses on Snoke, refusing to give Hux the satisfaction of seeing him rattled.

 _I'm not enough. He doesn't want me anymore._  The thoughts streaming through his mind are all the same thoughts he's always had, resurrected, corpses rotting and meandering through his mind, infecting it. His stomach knots.  _Why? Why? Why?_

He tried so hard. To impress his parents. To impress his uncle. He thought he'd finally impressed someone in Snoke, and now he—now he's competing with Armitage Hux, the smug bastard whose father has given him everything?

"Hux, since we spoke when you arrived early, you are dismissed. I want your ideas emailed to me by midnight Sunday." Snoke fixed his eyes on Kylo. "You, stay."

Hux scowls, stomping out.

Kylo gulps.

"Straighten up," Snoke orders. "Don't slouch. You look like a loser when you do that, especially in your ridiculous, childish clothes."

Kylo's face burns. He obeys, stiffening his spine. It cracks.

"You only got a B on your latest quiz," Snoke informs him. "Do better next time. Don't allow Hux to surpass you."

"Why are you mentoring him?" Kylo bursts out. "If you don't think he has a lot of potential—why—why are you encouraging some sort of competition—"

Snoke's hand flies out to slap Kylo across the face. He stumbles back, gaping. It's not unheard of for Snoke to hit him, but every time he does, he wants to throw up, dump himself in acid, because Snoke is the only one who believes in him after what everyone thinks happened with his uncle.

"Don't backtalk me again," says Snoke. "It's hard for me to control myself when you do that."

Kylo swallows. He nods. His cheek stings, but he won't lift his hand to it.

"Hux does have potential," says Snoke. "To answer your question. Plenty of potential. But you are still the only one I think who has a chance of actually winning."

Relief sizzles in Kylo's stomach. He nods.

" _Why don't you tell them the truth?" Snoke regarded him. "If it did happen like you say."_

_He swallowed, looking up at his physics teacher, the only one who didn't shun him when school began again. Mom covered up what happened, but everyone still blamed him, the teachers who knew. He saw it in their eyes, in the way they refused to look at him when they handed his tests back, in the way their positive feedback dribbled away to just letter grades and numbers._

" _I'm afraid no one would believe me," he whispered. Snoke asked him to stay after class, explain everything. He listened to Ben. No one else did._

" _Well," said Snoke. "I believe you. I also believe your uncle was in the right."_

_Ben looked up, alarmed._

" _It's not wrong to want to use your talents to protect," said Snoke. "I'm sure he just saw designing weapons for that company as protection."_

" _It's his hypocrisy that disgusts me," Ben burst out. "He gives all these speeches—on the news—and then—he had the nerve to yell at me—"_

_Snoke clucked his tongue._

Kylo leaves school, bag slung over his shoulder. Rey and Finn said they were getting rides with Poe.

He drives home alone, the screaming metal music not enough to drown out the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Rey and Kylo go out for sushi and Rose and Finn find out there's a lot more to what happened to Paige than they thought.


	6. Stripped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

Rey doesn't understand why Luke Skywalker is so crotchety. He's snappish, prone to dry humor, and drinks that stupid green health smoothie constantly. His best advice to her is "wrong. All of that was wrong."

"Can you tell me what I'm doing right?" Rey finally manages.

"At the moment, nothing."

Rey suddenly can't blame the student—Kylo—for setting Luke's lab on fire because she wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. "Can you help me?"

"It's your project. You're talented. I've only seen your kind of raw talent once before in my life." A faraway look drifts into Luke's eyes.

Rey springs to her feet. "Kylo?"

Luke glances at her. He lets out a snort. "Ben. I'm not calling him by that ridiculous name Snoke told him to go by."

Rey frowns. "But I'm not Ben."

"I'm aware." Luke turns back to his computer. It's Saturday, and she still came in to work on her robot. The sun shines brightly outside, and it's the first day in a long time where the temperatures hold some hint of spring, and where the air smells like moist earth and hope.

"Are you?" Rey asks, standing up. She flexes her fingers. "Because you don't seem like you are to me. _Why do you have to look at me like I'm someone I'm not? Is he that awful?_

He turns to look at her, a frown creasing his face. "Yes."

"Han told me," Rey says, heart thumping. She drops back down into her chair, dropping her head to the desk surface. It's cold. "What he did to you."

"Things are more complicated than they seem, Rey."

Rey lifts her head. Luke rises from his chair, heading over to her. "He lied about you and then burned down your lab. That's psychopathic."

"Don't use that term," Luke says. "It's not a thing. The diagnosis is Antisocial Personality Disorder, which, by the way, you have to be a credentialed professional to diagnose, and the diagnosis is not often attributed to minors. My nephew is many things, but he does not meet the criteria, so do not ascribe that to him."

Rey swallows. Her face burns. "Sorry." She looks up at him, hoping he sees the earnestness in her eyes. "I wouldn't do that. I'm not a liar. I won't fail you." _Please believe me_.

Luke's features soften. "No one starts out intending to fail anyone, Rey." He turns back to her computer screen. "Now. Try this algorithm."

By the time Rey heads home, she's famished and exhausted, but relieved. Clouds crowd in, blocking the sun. It's not a long walk, about a mile, but she's hungry and her limbs ache and she wants to sleep. At least she made progress.

Her stomach cramps. _Crap_. Rey hurries into the house and thuds up the stairs, grabbing a tampon and heading into the bathroom. Han and Chewie bicker in the garage. Leia's gone, and Finn too, working with Rose.

Rey misses Finn.

She leaves the bathroom and heads a crash.

_Shit!_

And a scream.

_Holy shit!_

Rey scrambles towards Kylo's room. Of course it's him. But she's worried. She shoves it open.

To find him pummeling the wall.

Shirtless.

He whirls around, shocked. His jaw falls open. Rey backs up. "I—I had no idea you—I heard screaming and thuds! Who the hell does that?" she shouts. She tries to avert her eyes to no avail. Dude is ripped. Like it looks like he's been doing planks and pull ups for months.

Kylo blinks rapidly. He blows out his breath. "What are you doing here?"

"I just answered that. I thought you were in trouble." Rey's eyes search the room. Ah, so Kylo's room has the turret. A cute window seat lines it. The trash overflows, and the bed's rumpled and unmade.

"So you came here to _help_ me?" His voice sounds incredulous.

"Is that so hard to believe?" Rey finally meets his eyes. "Can you please put on a shirt?"

A smirk settles on Kylo's lips. "You could always just leave my room."

"No. You're clearly not all right." She eyes his knuckles. They're mottled, purple and red and swollen.

Kylo hides them behind his—sculpted—back.

"What's going on?" Rey asks. She kicks the door shut.

Kylo's eyes widen in surprise. "It doesn't matter."

"You have bruises all over your arm. Are those from yourself? Because I think you need to talk to Leia—your mother, if that's the case. She'll help you, Ben." Fuck that Kylo name. Rey's done using it.

Kylo's eyes shift. Just like his uncle's. "Yes."

"Liar," Rey says.

Kylo glances at her in shock.

"Who?" Rey presses. "Snoke?"

"Please go away." His voice sounds small, so small. She never would have imagined this hulking man could speak like that.

"No. I don't want to. I'm worried about you?"

"And why do you care?" he lashes out, looking at her with his brows clenched. "Why does it matter to you?"

"I don't even know," Rey says.

"Because you're lonely," he says. "I see it now. You want a family. You want my parents—you can have them—and Luke, but my uncle's just as much of a failure as your own parents probably were."

Rey curls her fists. But she won't hit him again. "Sorry for hitting you."

Kylo blinks.

"When we had detention," she reminds him. Rey drops onto his bed, uninvited. Tears fill her eyes as his words burn like acid.

"Sorry," he says quietly.

She looks up at him.

"Did he tell you?" he asks. "Did he tell you? My uncle? What happened?"

"Yeah," Rey says. "You burned his—you need help, Ben—"

"Did he tell you he was actually building weapons for a company?" he interrupts. "He was. I'm not lying about that, Rey. Look in my eyes. Do you think I'm lying?"

She glares up at him. Her words falter.

"I confronted him on it," says Kylo. "I told the others—and he—he said he was going to do it anyways. So I burned the files. But the—I never meant for everything—the fire spread so fast—"

"If that's true, then—"

"I didn't tell anyone! He took the blame for the fire, it was the least he could do, but no one would believe the great Luke Skywalker would be involved in something like that for profit, because why else would you do something like that? Even to my parents he says he started the fire—it's why he got expelled—but I know they know I did it. And they wouldn't believe me as to why—I'm the bad egg, and I've always been that way." His fists clench. His arms shake. "Look at me, Rey. Look at me. Am I lying?"

Rey looks up at him. She can't—but Luke—she remembers his words from earlier. "I don't know," she whispers.

"You know."

"I still think you're an asshole." Her stomach rumbles. Rey looks at him. "Don't hurt yourself."

"So you insult me and then—"

Rey leaps to her feet, grabbing his arms. "Don't hurt yourself." His skin is soft under her palms. She gulps.

His lips fumble to form words. His eyes moisten. "Why do you care?"

 _You're lonely_. Rey lets him go. Their eyes meet, and she doesn't understand how, how this boy who has the parents she's always wanted, can feel so alone, except for what he just told her, except for that he is.

Her stomach growls again.

"Are you hungry?" Kylo asks.

Rey shrugs.

"Do you want to get food? I've been wanting sushi."

Rey's nose wrinkles. "Raw fish?"

"You can get the cooked version if you want to wimp out."

Rey spots a pencil on his desk and hurls it at him. He ducks. A laugh emerges.

A laugh. She likes his laugh. It's deep. It rumbles.

"Let's go," he says.

A half hour later and she's sitting at the food court in the mall, staring at a salmon roll. "You dip it in soy sauce," Kylo tells her.

Rey tries it. It's not bad. Although soy sauce is too salty. She reaches for ketchup packets.

"What are you, a cavewoman?" Kylo yelps, grabbing the packets from her hand. "No!"

Rey wriggles her hands free, smirking at him. She dumps ketchup onto her plate.

"That's repulsive. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you."

She sticks a roll into her mouth. "How 'bout now?" Of course, she's talking with her mouth full.

"You're a savage."

"Hmph." Rey gulps some of her soda. "But I like it."

"All you can taste is that sugary tomato glop."

"All you can taste is salt."

Kylo tosses a strip of ginger at her face. "Try some of the green stuff."

Rey stares at it. "What is it?"

"Wasabi. It has a lot of flavor."

Rey shrugs and tries a bit. She leaps up from the table. "Ow!"

He laughs. She grabs her drink and gulps the rest of it, and then Kylo's own soda. She uses her chopsticks to pick up a roll slathered in ketchup and shoves it into his mouth. "See?"

"I'm repulsed," he mumbles.

She bonks him on the head with her chopsticks. "Chew with your mouth closed!"

When they leave, it's raining. Kylo grumbles about not having an umbrella, but Rey runs out into it. She loves rain. Especially when it's not freezing.

"You like this weather?" Kylo yelps.

"Don't you?"

"No!" But he stands with her in the parking lot, shivering, watching her twirl around, and he smiles.

* * *

"That should be enough for today," Rose says, pulling back from her screen. Finn's been over her house, working in her garage. Her father apparently works at the garage with Han Solo.

Finn nods, jotting a few notes down in his notebook. "What're you up to for the rest of the day?"

"Going to the hospital," Rose says. "Visit my sister." She turns and climbs to her feet, shaking out her legs. "Ouch."

"Oh," says Finn. He wonders what it would be like to have someone to mourn. His parents—did they ever mourn for him? Did they ever think of him?

He's never mourned for them. They just—never were. He might as well have been immaculately conceived. When he was five he tried telling the other kids in his Sunday School class that he was Jesus' younger brother. His foster mother then did not take it with a sense of humor. He remembers that slap like it was yesterday.

"What're you up to?" Rose asks, brushing her bangs away from her face. Her smile beams as if she's not going to visit a sister who may or may not ever come back to her.

Finn shrugs. "Seeing if Rey's around, I suppose." Maybe they can get a pizza or something. He checks his phone.

 _I'll be back late!_ Rey's texted. His heart falls.

"You could come with me," Rose suggests. "I know that's a weird suggestion—you didn't know Paige—but she'd like you, you know, if you were ever to meet her. And you'd like her too. She's so much cooler than me."

 _I think you're plenty cool._ But Finn nods. Poe's texted him about a dozen pictures of Beebee-Ate the dog disrupted the creation of Beebee-Ate the robot. Finn shows Rose and she cackles.

Rose hisses under her breath as they drive past the exit with signs advertising a casino. Finn frowns. "What's up with that?"

"That's where the real money in this town comes from," Rose says. "Armitage Hux's father runs it."

"Where people go to have fun?" Finn asks.

Rose slides her eyes towards him. "If only that were it. No, all the shareholders—they work for Hux's First Order Motors. Which he's sold off to run the casino, but still. It comes from things like war."

Finn bites his lip. "That's horrible."

"I know," says Rose. "My sister's accident. It occurred here." She slows as they pass a pothole, filled in with tar darker than the asphalt of the road. "Jess Pava ran up to the casino for help, but no one came. They wouldn't let her in. All they did was call for an ambulance. I'm sure there were doctors there—they probably couldn't have done anything, but still I—I—"

"It's enraging," Finn says, glaring back at the sign as they drive by.

"It's strange to me that people can be so callous, to turn away when people need help," Rose says. "And whoever hit her just drove off. The cops never found them."

Finn glances at her. Her tone's sincere. Her jaw's soft as she takes the next exit, for the hospital. He's not surprised. But his lack of surprise doesn't make it less enraging. He's screamed for help so many times, and he learned to keep quiet, because people are more interested in what's in it for them than they are in helping a lost child.

Rose pulls into the parking lot and turns the car off. Finn follows her up the hill and into the hospital. Neither of them speak. Rose pushes the blue-gray doors open to the ward, leading Finn past a row of IVs and a nurse's desk to a room labeled _Tico, Paige_. She slips inside.

Machines beep and whir. A breathing tube runs out of Paige's mouth. Even pale and lying there in a sickly blue hospital down, thin white blanket over her, he can tell she's beautiful. An IV line runs into her arm, secured with tape. A necklace—Rose's necklace—lies on her chest.

"Hey Paige," Rose says. Her voice cracks. "I'm back."

There's no response, of course. The breathing machine pumps, and Paige's chest rises and falls.

"I brought a friend," Rose adds, hurrying over to her sister. She takes her limp hand, sitting on a black plastic chair. "His name's Finn."

Finn wonders what he should do, whether he should reach out and take Paige's other hand, whether he should say something. "Hey."

"He's an exchange student and we're working on that project together," Rose says. "When you wake up, I think you'll be impressed. I don't want to tell you about it before you wake up though; that'd spoil the surprise."

Finn's chest aches. He moves closer, setting his phone down on an empty tray.

"I miss you," Rose says. Her voice trembles. She wipes at her eyes with her free hand. "Sorry." She's apologizing to him.

Finn shakes his head. There's no need for Rose to apologize for loving someone this much. "Hey, Paige," he says. "I'm Finn. Rose is carrying our project, really. I'm just the support."

Rose snorts. She elbows him. "That's not true. He's the genius. I read his application. He's a big deal."

Finn rolls his eyes. His cheeks warm. "She talks about you all the time, so you have to wake up and tell me embarrassing stories about her."

"Rude," Rose informs him, but her eyes sparkle. "Hey, Paige. Finn's living with Rey, another exchange student who's freaking awesome, you'd love her, and Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, whatever he's calling himself these days. Doesn't that sound wild?"

"So far we're all still alive thanks to Han and Leia," Finn says. "Er, Mr. Solo and Ms. Organa."

"Oh to be a fly on _that_ wall," Rose says. She delves into more discussions of Poe, Connix, Jess, and Snap. Then she rises. "I'll go now, but I'll be back, okay?" She leans over Paige, her necklace dangling down and almost touching Paige's as she kisses her sister's forehead. "Don't be afraid to come back, okay? I'll help you. I don't care what it takes."

Finn hesitates. He stretches out his hand, brushing Rose's shoulder.

"Sorry," Rose says as they leave the ward. "That probably wasn't how you wanted to spend your weekend."

"I don't think you need to be sorry," Finn says. He's almost envious, but of course, that makes him feel like scum. Imagine loving someone that much.

Rose manages a smile as they ride the elevator down. Finn pats his pockets. "Oh shit."

"What?" Rose asks.

"I left my phone upstairs." Finn swallows.

"Let's go back," Rose says. "It's fine."

Finn nods. The other man in the elevator gives them a dirty look when they reach the ground floor and immediately send it back up.

When they reach the eighth floor, one of the nurses gives them a smile. "Back so soon? I'm sorry, but someone else just went in to see Miss Tico. Only two people are allowed at one time, so—"

"Finn just needs to get his phone," says Rose. She frowns. "My parents?"

"No, a young man."

"Poe," Rose says. "It's gotta be." She blinks. "That'd be a first."

"Huh?" Finn frowns at her.

"He's too ashamed," Rose says. "To visit. He really shouldn't be, though. Paige wouldn't blame him. I don't blame him. I adore him. He's like a brother to me."

Finn nods. "Well, do you want to go get my phone?"

Rose shakes her head. "You go. I already said goodbye for today." Her eyes drop to her shoes.

Finn nods. He hurries into the ward, heading for Paige's room. He enters the room and spots a man dressed in black who, though he can only see him from the back, is definitely not Poe standing by Paige's breathing machine. "Hey," he says, grabbing his phone. "How do you know Paige?"

The man's shoulders stiffen. And then Finn sees his fingers leaving the respirator.

 _The fuck were you doing?_ "Hey!" Finn yells. "What are you—"

The man whirls around, sending the tray flying into Finn's abdomen. Finn shouts. He scrambles after the man, but a fist flies out to deck him in the nose. Blood spurts. Finn falls back on his ass. He scrambles to his feet. The man's gone. The machine's still beeping.

Nurses rush in. Finn points wildly towards the machine. "He was—doing something to that, pressing something, I don't know—dammit—" Blood runs down his face, pouring through his fingers, soaking his shirt.

"Call security!" bellows one of the nurses. Another grabs Finn, dragging him out of the room. Blood splatter stains the white tiles. She yanks him to the side.

Rose appears, her face white. "Finn!"

"Someone just tried to kill your sister!" he yells.

And then security's there, alarms and codes are blaring over the intercom, a nurse is assuring them Paige is alive, she's okay, but Finn can hardly believe this, and Rose is screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my friend Sofia for inspiring one of the scenes XD


	7. Raising the Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

"I'm sorry, what?" Rey yelps. Kylo closes the door to the house behind him. His father came to meet them in the entryway, somber.

"Finn's okay," Dad assures. "Leia's with him now."

"Who the fuck would try to assassinate a comatose girl? It was just a car accident," Kylo says, leaning back against the wall. None of it makes any sense. Rey's eyes are wide and full of tears.

"The police are just interviewing him," Chewie says, voice low and thick like usual. "And Rose. Seems the guy got away."

Rey wraps her arms around herself. "This is like something out of a movie." Judging from her tone, Kylo presumes it's a movie she wouldn't like.

When Finn and Mom get home, Rey rushes towards him, grabbing Finn in a tight embrace. Something churns in Kylo's stomach. He shouldn't feel this way. But he does. He turns and stomps up the stairs towards his room. Now Finn probably thinks Kylo wishes he had been killed when that's not true. But who cares. There's no point in explaining himself. No one ever wants to listen.

And of course, Mom tries to drag him downstairs to all watch a movie together like they're one big happy family. They've never been a happy family. Kylo grew up listening to Mom and Dad bickering every twenty minutes.

"Ben, seriously," she says. "We—"

"I need to do work for my project," he says, focused on the screen of his laptop.

Mom flicks the light on. He scowls.

"Get downstairs or I'll take away your car keys."

"Fine." Kylo heaves himself off his bed and clumps down the stairs. Finn waves at him. Rey smiles.

Precious few people smile at him. And he always tells himself he doesn't care.

_I do care._

Kylo drops to the floor next to Rey and Finn for the movie. But his mind catapults ahead, trying to form a coherent plan for his project. He can't fail. He can't fail. He can't fail. His fists tighten. His throat clenches.

The moment the movie's over he scrambles back to his room. He can already hear Snoke lecturing him on not devoting enough time to his work. Especially compared to Hux.

Snoke's the only one who believes in him. Snoke's the one who told him about his uncle.

" _I'm glad to hear you'll be spending your summer doing something productive. Your talent shouldn't go to waste. You have an incredible mind, Ben. But be careful working with him," said Snoke. "I've heard rumors."_

When Kylo found out it was true, it was all true, about his uncle, he panicked. He thought his life and his ambitions were dead. And then Snoke reached out to him. When no one else did. He asked Kylo what happened. He cared. He handed him a tissue when he cried.

And all he asked was that Kylo try to help him figure out what Luke Skywalker was working on, so he could expose his hypocrisy. Snoke was injured working on weapons. That's why he's so scarred.

Snoke doesn't make him feel safe, but it's the closest to safe Kylo can imagine. At the very least, he's not hiding as much with him as he is with his parents.

The next day, Snoke greets Kylo with disgust. "This is all you've come up with?"

 _Please don't yell._  Kylo studies his scuffed Doc Martens. "I had a family situation yesterday." An emergency, really.

"Ah." Snoke leans back. Hux preens, smirking at Kylo from his desk. "I heard about Paige Tico."

"It's crazy," Kylo says. "It makes no sense."

"It is odd," Snoke agrees. "But please explain to me how that affects you."

Kylo blinks. "Huh?"

"Don't 'huh' me," says Snoke, rising behind his desk. "It should be obvious, shouldn't it? You can't let anything distract you. If you're not focused—and I mean completely focused—you'll never get anywhere in life."

Kylo gulps. "But—it was—my mom wanted us to—since Finn is—"

"I don't care," says Snoke. "Look at Hux. His father was interviewed and handed the police security tape access since the assassin was dressed like a casino employee. And yet he still came up with several—"

"I'm not Hux," Kylo says, and the moment he says it, he regrets it. He should have just kept his mouth shut.

Snoke's nonexistent brows clench together. He steps towards Kylo. "What did you just say?"

Kylo looks up at him, gulping. His heart pounds. Snoke is one of the few people he's met who is taller than him. "I—I said that I'm not Hux. My—"

Snoke backhands him across the face. Kylo stumbles back and trips, falling on his ass. Hux laughs and laughs. Kylo can only gape up at his mentor.  _Why_?

"After all I've done for you," seethes Snoke. "You can't even get yourself to—the reason you fail, Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, whatever you want to be called now—is because of yourself. You have no foundation. You're like a house built on sand, and you collapse whenever there's a storm. Go home today. Come back tomorrow after school more prepared. Go smoke another cigarette; I can smell them on you."

Humiliation crawls through Kylo. "But—"

"Obeying me is the least you can do," says Snoke. "After all I've done for you, Kylo, you still take it all for granted. I believe in you. Don't forget that. When it comes to me or your parents, who—"

"You do," Kylo interrupts. "And I'm grateful. I am." Snoke's shown him more care than—

"Then prove it. Don't tell me, show me." Snoke turns around, facing his computer. "See you tomorrow."

Hux muffles a guffaw. Kylo clambers to his feet, flipping Hux off as he storms out. His cheek burns.

 _I'm scum,_  he thinks, leaning against the wall.  _Total scum. I can't do anything right._

Words that always linger in the back of his mind claw their way out of his brain, into his conscious thought.  _Help me. Someone, help me._

"Ben?"

His eyes snap open.

Rey stands there, mouth agape. "Your lip is bleeding."

Kylo reaches up and brushes the blood away. "Chapped."

"Your face is swollen," Rey says. "Don't think I don't know what someone looks like after they knock you around. Was it Hux? I swear I'm gonna go teach him to watch his—"

"No!" Kylo reaches out, grabbing Rey's arm as she marches towards Snoke's classroom. "Don't, Rey, it's not a big deal—it wasn't Hux—"

Rey's eyes narrow.

"How do you know what it looks like?" he blurts out, desperate to keep her from asking more questions. Don't think about it, Rey. He wouldn't put it past her to create an issue where there is none.

Rey scowls. "Unkar Plutt was an ass."

Kylo pries himself off the wall. "Your foster father?"

She nods. "He needed a punching bag. When I was younger, that was me. Then I taught myself how to fight back. Didn't take him long to realize it was more trouble than it was worth, the coward."

Kylo could punch the man himself. "I'm sorry." For all his parents' apathy, they never hit him.

"I used to lock myself in my room when he was in a particularly bad mood," Rey says, staring vacantly down the hallway. "And when his drunk-skunk friends came over. They were creepy."

Kylo nods. "I'm sorry."

She cocks her head, looking up at him. "My parents will come back. If I win this scholarship. They'll see my name—they'll remember me—they'll come back."

Kylo blinks. "They left you?" That, at least, he understands the feeling of.

Rey shrugs. "Yeah."

Kylo doubts that they're coming back. But he keeps his mouth shut for now. "How's your project going?"

Rey winces. "Not so well. Mr. Skywalker isn't happy."

"Mine's not going well either," Kylo admits.

Rey bites her lip. God, she's so pretty. Her hazel eyes sparkle despite it all, despite the horrors she's recounting. "Do you want to compare notes? Maybe I can notice something that will help you, or vice versa? It'd be good to have another pair of eyes—Mr. Skywalker isn't particularly helpful."

"That," Kylo says with a snort. "Is not a surprise to me in the least." He pauses. Snoke probably wouldn't like it. But it's not like Snoke is helping him very much. "Yeah. Why not?"

Rey nods.

"Rey?" he ventures. "Don't—tell anyone. About this." He touches his face.

Rey's jaw drops. "Why not?"

"You of all people should understand," Kylo says, heart thumping. "No one cares. It's the way it is—adults don't care about kids like us. Please, Rey."

"Your parents—"

"You don't know them," Kylo interrupts. "Not like you think you do. Please trust me."

Rey bites her lips. She sighs and nods. "But if he knocks you around again, I'll slash his tires." She frowns. "Hey, can't you fight back? Do you want me to teach you some self-defense moves?"

 _I don't deserve to fight back._  "It's not that bad. It's not necessary," Kylo says. Although… the idea of sparring with Rey… "But sure. If you want to. Why not."

* * *

A bark sounds outside the door. Finn swings it open.

"Yo," says Poe. Rose stands behind him. "My mom told me when I got home today. The fuck were you thinking not telling me? It happened  _yesterday_ , Finn."

Beebee-Ate lunges at Finn, who snorts and pats the animal. "I had other things on my mind."

"Pfft, like almost dying? Why would that be important?" Poe winks at him.

 _I didn't think anyone would really care_. It's strange to Finn, to have people so worried over him. Leia came running to the police station yesterday, and she didn't seem angry like he'd thought. He turns to Rose. "How're your parents doing?"

Rose blows out her breath, stepping inside. Han and Chewie are in the garage, as per normal. Leia's in her office, and Rey reads on the couch in the living room. She lifts her hand, waving at them.

"They've been better. And the thing is, no one can understand why," Rose says. "Poe and Jess and Snap and Connix were all there too, when she was hit. It's not like she saw anything dangerous or—"

"It does seem ridiculous," Rey says, closing her book.

Finn nods. Beebee-Ate scampers over to Rey, panting. She rubs the dog's neck.

"I heard it was someone from the casino. Or at least they were dressed like that," says Kylo's voice.

Finn turns, surprised. Goth Wannabe stands in the corner, arms crossed.

"What?" Rose demands. Her eyes flash.  _Uh-oh._ Finn gulps. Rose had better not be—

"Are you for real?" Poe asks, flopping onto the couch. "How would you know that, Kyle Ron?"

Kylo looks as if he regrets opening his mouth and would prefer to deck Poe across the mouth than answer. But Rey meets his eyes, gaze concerned. Finn frowns. "I heard Snoke saying Hux's father had to hand over security footage. But I have no idea if they found something."

Rose and Poe exchange a look.

"You're idiots," Kylo informs them. "You'll never pass for twenty-one."

"Watch me," Rose retorts.

"Wait, what?" Finn demands. "You're not, Rose. You're not planning to—what do you even stand to gain from this?"

"I have to do something," Rose insists. She looks around the living room, past the flat-screen TV and the books and thick armchairs. "I have to. She's my sister. I can't just sit here and leave it to the police; they never found whoever hit her. Why would they find this guy?" Her chest heaves.

"What are you going to do?' Kylo demands. "Walk up to every employee and ask whether they tried to kill your sister?"

"I didn't ask you," Rose snarls. "I—" She swallows. "I got a glimpse of him, from the back, as he left. I have to try. They've posted a guard outside Paige's room but—"

"Weren't you the one obsessed with not letting people like me do stupid things like sneak out of school?" Finn asks. "I think sneaking into a casino looking for an assassin is, while it sounds like James Bond level cool, really a step or a mile above on the stupidity scale!"

"I don't," says Poe. "I can help. I can get fake IDs. Quickly."

"I don't even want to know," Rose mumbles. "This—Finn, this would have a purpose beyond just sneaking out for fun. This is to save my sister."

"You can't," Finn tells her, his abdomen clenching. He hates himself for the words that pour from his mouth. "You can't save her, Rose. It's not up to you."

Tears glitter in her eyes. "Well, I have to do  _something_. I can't just sit here and wait around for—"

No. Finn can't even imagine how Rose can think of doing this. "Isn't that what you're already doing? Waiting to see if she'll wake up?"

Rose flinches. Finn curses himself. Tears fill her eyes.

"I'd help," Rey says quietly.

 _You want to do this because you love your sister,_  Finn knows. He closes his eyes.

"No way," says Kylo.

"You weren't invited," Poe snips.

Finn glares at Poe.  _You should know better._  But of course, Poe doesn't. Because he probably wants to atone. They're all like puppets dragged around by guilt, dancing on strings. "If you're going," he says, gulping. "I'll go with you." He's not letting Rey or Rose go into that den alone.

"All right," says Poe. "I'll get the clothes. Finn, you and I look like we're around the same size, so it won't be an issue. Rey, Rose, you got something to wear?"

They both nodded.

"If you're not back by midnight," says Kylo. "I'm going to actually be responsible for once and tell on you, okay?"

Rey looks at him, surprise on her face. She nods.

"Punch Hux for me," he adds.

Two hours later, Finn's dressed in a dark shirt and leather jacket, Poe's jacket. "Keep it," Poe tells him, eyes running up and down. "It suits you."

Rey appears, dressed in a nice sweater and jeans, her hair partially down instead of in its normal three-bun style. Kylo appears on the stairway. His eyebrows rise when he sees her. She smiles. "I borrowed some of your mother's lipstick—do you think she'll mind?"

Kylo shakes his head.

Rose appears from the stairs leading to Rey's room, dressed in a gorgeous red dress, her onyx hair glossy. Finn's stomach drops. "Wow." He clears his throat. "You look—pretty. Both of you."

"Not too bad yourself," Rose teases, poking him in the shoulder.

Kylo just watches, silent. "Are you sure you don't want to come?" Rey asks.

He shakes his head. "Text me."

"Okay," Rey promises.

"I can't believe you're being nice to him," says Poe. "It's almost like he's tolerable when he's around you."

"He is nice," Rey says. "There's more to him than you'd think."

"Hey kids," Han says as he and Chewie entire the house. "Going on a double date?"

Poe grimaces. A door slams upstairs.

"Kind of," Rose chirps, grabbing Rey's hand. "Bye!"

Finn hopes Leia and Han won't be angry enough to kick them out if they get caught. Poe leaves Beebee-Ate at his own house with his parents, and then they pile into his car and drive off.

Finn grips his knees. The pants are made of some soft material he's not familiar with. And he's scared the fear raw and bleeding. Home are always conditional. He doesn't want to fuck this up.

But Rose, and Rey both—they want to do this. And Rose might be a hypocrite a bit, or maybe she's just growing, but Paige is her sister. He'd do it for Rey.

"Did you really have fake IDs made so quickly?" Rey asks, leaning forward from the backseat.

Finn slides his eyes towards her.  _So this is something you're not unfamiliar with?_  He wouldn't even know where to start for that kind of thing.

"No," says Poe. "They'll be ready in another week. But I'm getting you in because I have mine. Wait around back."

 _This is such a bad idea._  Finn scrunches down in his seat.

They park, and Rose leads them towards the back exit while Poe heads around front. Rose taps her foot. She's still in flats despite her dress. Rey texts Kylo.

"Who are we even looking for?" Finn whispers. His teeth chatter. Rey shivers. Rose just glares at that door, determined.

"He had dark hair," says Rose.

"That much I remember too," Finn says sarcastically.

"He had a rose pin on his lapel," says Rose.

"I'm sure the police would have found him, then," Finn says. "Unless they're all wearing rose pins, in which case—"

"They aren't," Rose interrupts. "At least, that's not part of their uniform. My dad used to work there for a time. We're not exactly on the Solo-Organa or Dameron level of class." She grits her teeth. "They're part of the uniform specifically for blackjack dealers. I'm sure the cops have figured that out, but—if we can talk to a few people I might remember from when my dad worked there, I—"

"Okay," Rey says, glancing around them.

"Paige has always been my hero. I just want to—be hers for once."

Finn swallows. The door swings open. Rose yelps.

Poe sticks his head out, wiggling his eyebrows. "Ready, losers?"

"How should we do this?" Rey asks.

"You and Poe be on the lookout for security," Rose directs. She grabs Finn's arm. "Finn and I will talk to people—look for him."

The casino is bright and crowded, people chattering, chandeliers sparling, and drinks flowing. The smell of alcohol permeates the air. Finn takes a deep breath, holding onto Rose as if they're a couple. Colorful slots whir around them. They head over to the blackjack tables.

"Never played in my life," Finn whispers.

"Neither have I," Rose admits. "That's okay. We won't need to." Her eyes scour the faces of the dealers.

Rose suddenly freezes, Finn follows her gaze.

A man with dark hair and a grizzled chin, a rose lapel, studies them. He says something to the woman next to him and strides in their direction.


	8. The Most Important Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

Finn stiffens. The man comes closer, closer. His gaze bores into them. Rose takes a step forward. Finn grips her arm. The garish lights blur out the background around them.

"Oh, DJ!" calls out a woman in a short skirt, running up to him. She grabs his elbow, chattering. A diamond necklace glints around her neck.

Rose narrows her eyes.

"Is that him?" Finn whispers.

"I don't know," Rose says. "It might be—it looks like him."

Finn isn't so sure. He could kick himself for not remembering the exact face of that man. So much for being worth anything. And then his eyes land on two someones in the distance, lingering by a slot machine. They're laughing. "We've got a bigger problem," Finn manages. His grip digs into Rose's arm.

"Huh?" She spins around, red dress flowing around her. Poe and Rey gesture frantically from the background.

Hux and Phasma look up, and Finn grabs Rose, ducking behind a waitress. They jostle her tray. She yelps.

"Sorry, sorry!" Finn gasps, raising his hands.

"How can they be in here? They're underage," grouses Rose.

Fin cocks his eyebrow at her.

"They all know who Hux is," Rose points out. "He's their owner's son. Or a lot of them would know." She looks over her shoulder. "Hey, he's gone!"

 _DJ._  Finn frowns, scanning the room, its red carpets and elderly people laughing, the alcohol flowing and the slot machines binging. "There he is!" DJ ducks out a doorway labeled Employees Only.

Rose glances at Finn. He curses, but pulls her in the direction of the doorway. They jostle their way through the crowd. Finn pushes the door open. He spots DJ rounding a corner down a dark corridor. Rose picks up pace. Finn's heart pounds. If they get caught, they are definitely going to be in way over their heads. Leia and Han will find out. His—

A familiar voice sounds behind them. Rose yanks Finn around the corner. DJ is nowhere to be seen, but a small alcove next to a window covered in dark curtains provides the perfect hiding place, if a bit cramped. They wedge themselves inside.

"Funny," says Hux's voice. "I thought that looked like Dameron and that gutter rat." The voices come closer.

 _Fuck_. Finn whips out his phone to text Rey and warn her.

"We should tell security, Armitage," Phasma says, voice blasé as ever. "Watch the goody-two-shoes get in trouble."

"Neither of them are good-two-shoes," says Hux with a laugh. "Though I did always think Dameron was gay. But whatever. Maybe he's bi."

"Well, Dameron has that incident with Paige Tico," allows Phasma. "But that girl—"

"I know all about her," says Hux, voice bored. "I looked her up. Her parents ditched her and she worked for some scuzzy mechanic who's rumored to deal drugs on the side. No wonder Ren likes her so much; she's probably turning tricks."

Finn starts. Rose grabs him, holding him back.  _Bastard_.

"She's nothing special," continues Hux. Both he and Phasma pass by, but don't look to the side of them. "She was even arrested once for stealing. Their whole auto shop was. 'Course since she's a minor that record's supposed to be sealed, but you know."

Phasma laughs.

Finn glares after them. His knuckles pop as he squeezes his fists. They have no idea what it's like. It's also damn rich of them to stroll around Daddy's casino in their designer clothes, breaking the law themselves, and talk as if they're high and mighty over a kid who grew up alone and just wanted to survive. Finn knows how Rey feels. Loneliness is the greatest desperation.

"Dickheads," Rose mutters when they round the bend.

"I'm going to—"

A cry breaks through the hallway. Rose whirls.

"Shouldn't we go after DJ? Or just leave?" Finn asks. He taps out that text to Rey. He has to tell the rest in person, but for now, she and Poe should know security's about to be sicced on them.

"That sounded like a kid, though!" Rose picks up pace. She ducks right, and then left—Finn struggles to keep up—"Rose!"

"You're a useless piece of shit, you know that?"

The voice cuts through Finn's memories. He stiffens, and then he's whirling, and he doesn't know where he is. All the people who told him that, who didn't have to tell him that but made it clear he wasn't even worth the breath to speak to, Hux his foster parents those teachers Nines and Slim, Slim, the one who died, blood red, holding Finn's hand as he tried to stop— _it was an accident_ —meaningless—just like— _I wanted you to live_ —

A child cries.

"Stop!" Rose shouts.

Finn stumbles. He looks up. Rose glares at a middle-aged man with a face like an angry mosquito. A small boy cries heavily next to him, shoulders shaking.

"He's my son," says the man. "Just who do you think you are?"

"Someone who's about to call security on you," Rose retorts. "That's not how you talk to your child. He deserves better."

"He just admitted to stealing—"

"What's he even doing in a casino?" Rose interrupts. Finn can't speak. It's too familiar. It's again. It's now. It's before.

"I work here," snarls the man. "We have a room for employees' children." He jerks the little boy's arm. "Let's go."

The boy looks up at Rose, brown eyes wide and tearful and hopeful. It's a look Finn remembers giving so many people. So many. His teachers. Strangers. His friends and their parents, the parents they were blessed to have. And they always turned away.

"No," Rose says, her voice rising. "You're not leaving. Not with him. You're—"

"He's my—"

"You—"

"Is there a problem?" snarls a security guard.

"Yes," says Rose. "He's abusing his kid. Can't you see the way his cheek's all flushed? He hit him. And he yelled at him and called him useless."

The boy cries.

The security guard's eyes narrow. "And who are you? What are you doing back here?"

* * *

A hand lands on Rey's shoulder. She jumps. A stern-faced security guard with a mustache glowers down at her.

"Shit," says Poe as one grabs his arm. "Okay, okay. We'll leave."

"No," says the security guard. "We're calling your parents."

 _Fuck_. "I don't have them," Rey says quickly.

"Too bad." The man snorts. "Come back with us."

Rey hesitates. She could easily kick them and run for it. Poe catches her eye. He tenses.

"Rey!"

 _Shit_. Rey looks back to see Finn and Rose both with security around them. Hux stands in the background, smirking. Phasma just arches an eyebrow as if this is only mildly amusing. Rey flips them off.

"That's enough, young lady," snarls the guard. His fingers dig into her forearm as he drags her back through a maze of hallways, finally tossing her into a room where a tired bald man demands their names, their parents' names, and phone numbers.

Rey's phone buzzes. Kylo. She bites her lip, tears stinging her eyes and prickling the back of her throat. She doesn't know what to say to him.  _We're caught? Please do damage control with your parents? I don't want to go away?_

"Take them across the hall," orders the head of security. They're marched to a small office across it, with green padded benches and plants lining the cabinets and desk. They're fake, Rey presumes, because there are no windows. Just white walls and lights that glare down on them. Rey sits next to Poe, a lump growing in her throat.

"I'm dead," Poe proclaims. "My dad is going to kill me for wrecking his good night's sleep."

"Mine will just be upset I'm worrying them when they need to focus on Paige," Rose whispers. She doubles over, wrapping her arms around herself.

Rey meets Finn's eyes, her phone cold in her hand. The lights hurt her eyes.

"Just blame it on me," Poe says roughly. "Seriously."

"They know me too well to buy that I didn't want to go find the assassin," Rose says. "I can't believe I'm saying that word like that, like this is my life."

Rey imagines having a parent know you. Her heart aches. When she wins and goes back to Jakku, maybe—

"It was my fault," Poe says. "The reason she's in this coma. The reason you're here now. It's  _me_ , Rose." He curls his fist and thumps his knee. He lifts his head, eyes wet. "I was responsible, Rose, and I—"

"It was an accident," Finn interjects. "Right?" He looks at Rose, who just stares at Poe.

Poe shrugs. His lips tremble. "Accidents—I still set in motion what would happen—" He rakes his hands through his hair Rey wouldn't be surprised if his fingers leave scratch marks on his scalp. "It is my fault—not all of it—but some of it is." He meets Rose's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Rose. Paige was—is—a great friend of mine, and she—"

"I don't blame you," Rose says, voice trembling. She wipes at her face. "I mean—it means a lot to hear you say that, Poe, it does, but I—don't blame you. My sister was always a carefree spirit. She would have wanted to sneak out that day; I know she would have. That's who she is." She covers her mouth. "I still just—don't know why or how she's a target of this."

"She doesn't deserve it," Poe says roughly. "I'll help, Rose. We'll find out who did it, and why. This is just a setback."

"I'll help you, too," Finn says quietly. His hand lands on the back of Rose's gorgeous dress.

Rose looks up at him, cheeks wet. A strange sensation washes over her.

She's so lonely. Rey huddles into herself. She pulls out her cell phone, seeing six messages from Kylo.

_Rey_

_Rey_

_REY_

_WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU WHY ARENT YOU ANSWERING MY MESSAGES_

_IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME IN FIVE IM GOING TO TELL MY PARENTS ME TELL ME PARENTS ME_

_DO YOU KNOW HOW DESPERATE THAT MAKES ME_

_WE'VE BEEN CAUGHT,_  she texts him back in all caps.  _I'm sorry._

And then she turns the phone over, because she doesn't want to deal with the disappointment. At least Leia and Han won't hit her like Unkar would have. Or keep her from eating for a day. Her stomach rumbles.

The door to the office swings open. Rey jumps.

A scruffy-looking man dressed in a blackjack dealer's uniform with a red rose pin on his lapel crosses his arms.

Rose leaps up. "You!"

"Do I know you?" he asks, cocking his head. "'Cause don't think I didn't notice you kids being a) underage, and b) following me. You didn't even drink. That's pretty dumb of you. Might as well have taken advantage of the opulent opportunities of a place like this."

"Why are you here?" Finn demands.

"Did you try to kill my sister?" Rose shouts.

The man blinks. "Are you insane? Is this like escape from the nuthouse?"

"That's ableist," Poe retorts.

"Ehh, fuck that shit," says the man. He leans against the doorjamb, drumming his fingers on the wood. "So. You gonna tell me? Or can I guess that this is about that girl who almost got euthanized?"

"Can you not be a dick?" Rey snarls.

"I'm not a dick; I have a dick." The man winks.

"I didn't need confirmation," she says.

The man lets out a snort. "You're cute." He turns back to Finn and Rose. "But I heard it was an employee too. Sucks right?" He holds his hands up in the air. "But. I promise you this, kids. It wasn't me."

"Funny," says Poe. "That's exactly what an assassin would say."

"Funny," says the man. "I'm not interested in lying to kids from the nuthouse." He spreads his hands. "Look. I'll make a deal with you. I'll look around. I can figure out who it might've been clearer than the cops can. They already came and talked to me. Two days ago."

"And why would you do that?" Rose asks.

"Money," says the man, crossing his arms.

"Are you a gambler?" Finn asks.

"Does it matter?" The man shrugs. "I also used to be private investigator." He tosses Rose a card. "Look it up. Give me a call."

And then he's gone.

* * *

The moment the phone rings, Kylo cringes and buries his face in his pillow. Rey and Finn are in so much shit. Although his parents are more lenient than others. At least this might show his parents that their foster kids aren't perfect replacements for him after all.

Not that he's happy about it. Kylo punches his pillow. He feels for Rey and Finn. And Rose. Dameron can eat rocks. But at least they're safe. He was about to jump in his car and head over there, Snoke's impending fury be damned. But then Rey texted.

"Ben!" bellows Dad.

Dammit. He drags himself up and to the staircase. "Yeah?"

"Get downstairs!"

"Why?"

"Because I said so?"

"Do I care?"

"Don't make this worse!"

Okay, he really shouldn't be making this worse for Rey and Finn. He clomps down the stairs, rolling his eyes. "What's going on?"

"Your mother and I have to go pick up Rey and Finn. Take a guess where they were."

"I have no idea."

Dad points his finger at Kylo's face. "I highly doubt that."

Kylo blinks.  _You actually think I would have tried to help them? Why?_

Mom storms into the living room, keys jangling. She glares at him.

"Don't blame me," Kylo snaps, hands rising. Of course. Of course they're going to blame him and not Rey or Finn or Poe or Rose. It's always him. Always just him.  _Loser_.

"I'm not," Mom replies.

"Don't send them away," Kylo says, surprising himself.

Mom blinks. "We wouldn't think of doing that."

 _Of course not. But the moment I got into a fistfight with Hux at school, you sent me away to Uncle Luke for a summer._  Kylo nods. "Well, good."

They leave, and Kylo waits in the living room. He texts Rey.  _They're on their way._ She doesn't respond. He hopes she's okay.

When they return, Mom's thin-lipped and Dad's shaking his head. Finn's head hangs low, and Rey looks as if she's struggling not to cry.

"Get some rest," Mom says.

Kylo waits a few minutes, and then jogs up the stairs himself, and up to Rey's third floor room. He knocks.

Rey opens it, her eyes red-rimmed.

"What happened?" Kylo asks.

Rey steps back to let him in. Her bed's covered in a soft blue comforter, and a raggedy doll wrapped in what look like a dress made of orange scraps sits on the pillow. Kylo takes a seat on her bed.

Rey shrugs. "They aren't getting rid of us."

"That's good," he says. But there are other ways to get rid of someone, even if you keep them under your roof.

Rey drops down next to him. Her fingers trace the edge of one of her pillows, a light gold color. "We told them that we just wanted to play slots."

Kylo's eyebrows fly up. "Did they buy it?"

Rey nods.

He doubts it. But at least they didn't figure out the assassin scheme. They'd lose their shit if they knew. Kylo can hear his mother now.

"Mr. Skywalker is going to be pissed," says Rey. "I'm sure Hux will spread it around school."

"Fuck him," says Kylo.

She snorts.

He reaches out and grabs the doll. He stands it up on the bed and raises his eyebrows at her.

She smiles, taking the doll. "I made it for myself when I was about eight. Unkar wouldn't buy me anything, so I had to make whatever I wanted."

"Why did your parents leave?" Kylo asks.

Rey stiffens. "I don't know. If I earn the scholarship and then go back to Jakku, maybe—maybe they'll come back."

"You'd go back?" Kylo asks incredulously.

She frowns. "It's not like I have other options."

"I'm pretty sure that despite your fuck-up today, my parents would keep both you and Finn."  _They like you more than me. But that's not your fault. I like you too._

He does. He really likes her. That lost look in her hazel eyes, the freckles spilling over her skin—she's lonely.

Rey shakes her head. "I'd have to go back. I can't risk missing them."

Frustration sizzles. "If they wanted you, they would have come for you already."

Tears fill Rey's eyes. He doesn't mean to hurt her. But it's true, it's definitely true. He needs her to know.  _Please don't hang on._

The door opens. Kylo whirls around.

But it's just Finn. He raises his hand. "Hey."

"Hey," Kylo responds as Finn comes and wedges himself between Kylo and Rey.

Finn scratches his head. "Your parents are really amazing, Kylo."

Kylo grits his teeth. "To you."

"Huh?" Finn reaches out and grabs on of the pillows, holding it over his stomach. "What do you mean?"

"They're always so—wrapped up in their own lives," Kylo says. He wants to force them to accept it, force the facts into their brains, make them see.  _Don't leave me all alone_. "They don't notice me. Dad once even said he had no idea how to be a father. To Chewie. I heard him. And for a liar he can occasionally speak the truth."

"A liar?" Finn demands. "How—"

"He used to be a petty criminal, Finn," Kylo interrupts. "He was a smuggler. Him and Chewie both. He has an extensive record. Except he's been walking the straight and narrow since marrying my mom. Well, more or less."

Finn's mouth falls open. "I never would have guessed."

Rey almost smiles. "I knew I liked him."

 _Huh? You want to be a criminal?_  Kylo doesn't understand. "I never want to be like them. Not my mother, not my father, not my uncle." Maybe his grandfather. He was cool. At least from what Kylo's heard of him from Snoke, a friend of Grandfather's, he was.

"Nor do I," Finn says. "I mean, I'd like to be like your mom or dad or uncle. But I don't want to be like my parents. Whoever they are. My dad might not even know I exist. I don't know if you can even call him a dad in that case." He rests his chin on the pillow.

"I just want mine back," Rey whispers. She swallows. Tears fill her eyes.

Kylo reaches out and puts his hand on her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Hux acts on his threat.


	9. Severance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

"Gambling, huh?" Mr. Skywalker says, cocking an eyebrow.

Rey flushes. But he doesn't bring it up again, gesturing for her to work and telling her, as per usual, just what she's doing wrong. Rey's heart hangs heavy in her chest. She'd rather Mr. Skywalker confront her, as opposed to ignoring it.

She's always ignored. She's a shadow slipping through the hallways of Jakku, a ghost working on auto parts, a thief, a survivor with no one to care if she survives except her parents, and they haven't found her.

Are they even looking? That's her worst fear.

Rey rubs her temples, trying to program. Leia and Han grounded her and Finn for a week, but Leia assured her they don't plan to get rid of her. Rey doesn't understand.

Mr. Skywalker leaves the room. For what purpose, Rey doesn't even know. Nor does she know when or if he'll be back. She sighs.

A knock sounds against the door frame. Rey turns around in her chair.

Kylo stands there. He gives her an awkward wave.

She snorts, tipping her chair back. "What's up?"

"Project's not going well," he responds. "What else is new?"

"Welcome to the club," Rey says. She gestures at her figures. "Hey, you wanna look at it? You might have a better idea than me."

He strolls towards her and hops onto the desk behind her. He squints at the screen. "Um. No. I'd need more time to look at it. Right now it's—a confusing mess. I mean, I'm confused. Not that it's necessarily bad."

Rey laughs, looking up at him. "No, it is bad. Your uncle's annoyed."

"Hence why he's not here, I presume," muses Kylo, tilting his head back and looking around the classroom. Late afternoon sunlight filters through the windows, sopping the desks. Flowers and plants line the windowsills, though one of them wilts, leaves turning brown. Mr. Skywalker's desk is cluttered, papers strewn across it and empty coffee cups lined up in a row.

Rey sighs. "He hates me."

"Not as much as he hated me." Kylo swallows. "Sorry."

Rey hesitates, and then reaches out, placing her hand on his knee. Kylo looks at her, eyes wide. He sucks in his breath. "I'm sorry," she says.

He shakes his head. "Not your doing."

Silence settles over them. Rey doesn't know whether to move her hand or leave it there like a dead fish, or knead his knee. "Why do you go by Kylo?" she asks.

He smirks. "Snoke suggested it when I was complaining about everyone always having expectations of Ben Solo. But he didn't want me to use it before I graduated, but I'm using it now. He's okay with it. I think he's proud." Kylo shrugs.

"Can he be proud?" Rey asks.

"Huh?" Kylo glances down at her.

"He doesn't seem the warm type," Rey says, face red and hot. The clock ticks in the background.

Kylo swallows. "He's not—but I mean. I don't need that."

Rey frowns.

"I didn't mean to criticize you," he interjects. "Some people need it more—that's not wrong, or weak."

 _But you do need it, don't you?_ Rey cranes her neck, looking back up at him. _You're so lonely. So am I. We'd both die for approval._

_You shouldn't have to earn it._

_Neither should I._ Tears prick her eyes.

Something rough, but warm, closes over her hand. Rey glances down. Kylo's taken her hand, caressing it. His face reddens. "Sorry—is this okay?"

Rey nods. His touch is gentle, comforting.

"You looked so pretty with your hair down," he says. "I mean, you look pretty with it up in that hairstyle too."

Rey laughs. "You're a dork." _A dork who—likes me?_

He flinches. And then he laughs, a rumbling sound. Rey likes it. She gets to her feet.

Kylo goes silent, staring up at her. Even with him sitting on the desks and her standing, she's barely taller than he is. She doesn't know what she's doing. Her wrists tingle. He leans in, eyes fixed on her. She can feel his breath. _Are you going to kiss me? Am I going to kiss you?_

His free hand cups the back of her neck. His eyes search hers. She nods, parting her lips.

He leans down, lips pressing into hers. Rey opens her mouth, trying to follow his lead, but it only takes a second to realize he has no idea what he's doing either. Rey giggles. He chuckles and pulls back.

This time Rey leans in, pulling his head up. His arm wraps around her waist. She closes her eyes even as butterflies erupt in her abdomen. _He's kissing me. He likes me._

The door bangs open behind them. Rey jumps. Kylo jerks back.

Mr. Skywalker gapes at them, shaking his head. Rey gulps.

Logically she knows they're not the only kids who've been caught making out before. But it's her first kiss. And she did not want this to happen.

"I can see you're working hard," Mr. Skywalker says coldly.

Rey wants to melt from embarrassment. Kylo scowls. "I'll go now."

Rey opens her mouth to call after him, but he's already racing past his uncle. And then anger flares. Rey glares at him. "Is it true?"

Once the words are out of her mouth, there's no pulling them back. Rey's chest heaves.

"Is what true?" Mr. Skywalker demands.

"That you were building weapons," Rey says. "Is it? Is it true? And you let everyone think Kylo's a liar for no—"

"Is that what he told you?" Mr. Skywalker snorts.

"Yes!" Rey shouts. "That's what he told me, and I—you—I've seen nothing of you to suggest that you think the human race is worth saving at all. Or that you believe in goodness or hope. You're a cynical old man who let his nephew take the fall for something that was _his_ own fault!" She clenches her fists.

Mr. Skywalker's face drains.

"Tell me whether or not it's true!" Rey screeches. Her throat tightens. She doesn't know why this is upsetting her so much. I _thought—I thought—you might be—you gave me hope—you're just an old washed-up cynic._

 _I thought you were so much more._ Sob wrack her throat.

"It's half true," Luke says. "I had already decided not to go through with them and was going to throw them out."

"Oh, that's rich," Rey shoots back. "Why should I believe the man who lied—you don't have to speak to lie, you know.'

_I'll come back for you, I promise!_

That was a spoken lie.

She slams her laptop shut and pushes her way past him.

* * *

Finn hears the sobbing coming from the bathroom when he gets home. Snoke's keeping Kylo late, apparently. He pauses, wavering on the wooden floorboards, uncertain whether to knock or hide.

The door swings open. Finn jumps. Rey stands there, eyes red and nose swollen. She ducks her head when she sees him there. Great, now she probably thinks him creepy. "Uh," he says, gulping. "You okay?"

She shrugs, and then shakes her head, covering her mouth to muffle another sob. Finn wraps his arms around her. She hugs him back.

He leads Rey into his room. "What happened? Is it that shthead?" If Hux told anyone about Rey's arrest, then Finn swears he'll—

"No," says Rey. "Well. Which—which shithead?"

"Hux." Finn's ready to dial Rose and Poe and take them down.

Rey shakes her head. "Mr—Skywalker and I—aren't—I mean, he got in a fight—I don't think he's a good person—"

Finn blinks. "What happened?"

Rey shakes her head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." Finn leans back.

"This is not my week," Rey says, dropping onto Finn's bed and resting her head on her knees.

Finn doesn't know what to say. "Can you talk to him tomorrow?"

Rey shakes her head. "I think he's—he's awful. I mean, he's a liar, and a fraud, and a—he wasn't helping me anyways. I really should just pack my things and go back to Jakku."

"Why would you want to go back there?" Finn asks, incredulous.

Rey lifts her head, playing with the threads on her ripped jeans. The light fades behind her. "My parents might be looking for me there. Unkar Plutt didn't take my call yesterday."

 _Rey_. Finn doesn't know what to say. "I want you to stay."

Rey's neck snaps up. She meets his eyes, hers watering. He offers her a sheepish smile. "You're—the first person I've ever met who hasn't looked at me like just some useless foster kid—you—"

"Thank you," she manages. Rey rubs her temples and groans. "I don't know what to do."

"If I can help—"

She shakes her head, but she smiles. "Thanks." Her brow creases. "But why did you think Hux was the one who did something to me?"

Finn swallows. Oh. He's not sure how Rey will react. But he doesn't want to lie to Rey. "Well—Rose and I—we overheard him saying some things about you and Poe, when we were at the casino, before they sicced security on you. Hux said he looked up your past, and he called the mechanic shop you worked at a criminal—"

Rey leaps to her feet. "That record's sealed! I wasn't—I was a kid, I didn't have a choice, they dropped the charges!"

Finn throws his hands up in the air. "I believe you, Rey! It doesn't matter to me. I don't care at all—he's a piece of—"

"How did he even find out?" Rey cries out.

"No idea." Finn gulps. "I'm sure he's looked up information on me." But there really isn't much to be found.

"I hate him," Rey mumbles. " _Snake_."

"Whatever they say doesn't matter," Finn says. "We all know you're a good person, Rey. _I_ know." He rolls his eyes. "Hell, I know what it's like to be a foster kid too."

Rey swallows. She nods. "Thank you." Her voice is a whisper.

* * *

"You can go home," Snoke finally says.

Kylo shifts in his seat. He knows he's been slacking off all afternoon, and the fact that Snoke's words hit him like a splash of cold water on a broiling hot day. He wants to go home and talk to Rey. And kiss her again.

For once, home doesn't seem like a prison. Stars glitter outside the window. Mom said she was making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Kylo's stomach growls.

Kylo stuffs his laptop and notebook into his black backpack. Hux lets out a sigh and waves. "Goodbye, Mr. Snoke."

"Good night."

Kylo looks up to find Snoke's eyes boring into him. "What?"

"You—"

A gasp from Hux cuts them off. "Good grief!" Hux shouts. "What are you doing here?"

Kylo whirls around to find Rey standing there, chest heaving. For a moment he thinks she came for him, but her eyes spark with fury, and her fists are clenched and shaking. "Rey!"

"You," Rey says, stepping towards Hux. He takes a step back and stumbles into a desk, clutching the chair to right himself. "You absolute ass."

"I don't believe you're supposed to be here," Snoke says, rising behind his desk. Kylo drops his bag and rushes over to her.

"I heard that you and Phasma somehow illegally got access to my records," Rey shouts. "How? I want to know how! I'm trying to—I don't want—"

Hux straightens. His lips curve into a smile. "Which records? The arrest ones? Or the court ones where they note that your parents were alcoholics who abandoned you because they'd rather spend money on alcohol?"

"That's a lie!" Rey yells.

Kylo doubts it's a lie. He's seen the world. It's cruel. But Rey—her eyes are bloodshot and shining, and she takes another threatening step towards Hux.

"Cute mugshot," Hux sneers. He reaches into his bag. "Hey, I have a copy—"

"I'm filing a complaint," Rey informs him. "It's illegal, what you did, and I'm not going to just roll over and take it—"

"What, from me?" Hux asks, blinking. "I don't want you to take anything from me. Bet you take it from Ren though—"

Kylo's jaw drops. He steps towards Hux as Rey's fist flies out first, clocking Hux in the jaw.

"Stop!" orders Snoke. "Both of you, and don't you even think of getting involved, Kylo Ren." He marches over. Hux whimpers. "Go home, Armitage. I'll take care of this."

"You aren't going to report him for hacking?" Rey yelps. "Because that's the only way he could have found out—being that vindictive when he doesn't even know me is—" Tears spill down her cheeks.

Hux scampers out of the room. _Coward_ , Kylo thinks. Did he really look up all that shit on Rey? Just to humiliate her? Why?:

"I might report you for assault, though," Snoke says. "And no, Rey, Hux did not hack into any database. I did."

 _Huh?_ Kylo gapes at his mentor. Rey freezes.

"I knew there was something off about you," Snoke continues, stepping towards them.

 _Speak. Speak, Goddammit._ Kylo's tongue feels like it's glue sitting in his mouth. He can't breathe. His chest feels as if it's filled with sludge.

"So I did a little sleuthing," Snoke continues. "You—"

 _You did this because you don't want her to win the contest. And you think she will._ Kylo's wrists ache from squeezing his fists so tightly. His knuckles pop. _I think she will, too._ The figures she showed him earlier today were so advanced, despite her complaining about being stuck. _And I want her to_.

"I have all the proof on my laptop," Snoke continues. Tears fall down Rey's face as she gapes at him. Another adult betraying her. A teacher who should protect her. Just like his uncle. Just like Luke Skywalker. "Hux won't say a word until I ask him to. And—"

"That's blackmail," Rey ekes out. "I was a kid; I had no choice, it was that or wind up on the streets—"

"It didn't matter to the cops who arrested you, do it's not going to matter here," Snoke says. "If it gets out, no one will vote for your project."

_You're a completely insane bastard._

_Who helped me._

_But you're a bastard._

_Why why why why why why why?_

A sob escapes from Rey's mouth. "You're a—piece of shit." She's still glaring at him. Defiant. Unlike Kylo, who always caved. Always.

_I just wanted you to pat me on the head._

_You never will. If this is your way of getting me to succeed—it's not—you don't have any faith in my abilities. You never did. I'm just a pawn._

Kylo backs up. Rey's eyes catch him. She's pleading.

He turns his back to her and marches towards Snoke's desk.

"Yes," Snoke says. "And you're a thief whose own parents didn't want her."

"Mine don't want me either," Kylo finally chokes out, standing in front of Snoke's desk. He looks over his shoulder to find Snoke glowering at him. The desk is so orderly it puts Threepio's to shame. But there's opulence too, from fifty dollar pens in velvet cases to the latest laptop design, to bright crimson frames around his awards. There are no photographs of any family members or friends. Kylo doubts he has them. _You've been taking advantage of me. If I lose to Hux, I'll just become like she is to you. Expendable._

 _And she isn't expendable to me_. She listens. She reaches out. She understands. She, she, she. Rey.

Snoke snorts. "But I want you."

Rey's lips curl. "You're disgusting."

"Yeah," Kylo chokes out. "You are." He grabs Snoke's expensive laptop. He arches his arm back and throes it against the wall,.

The screen shatters, shards of spraying. He stomps on it, sending keyboard keys scattering everywhere, stomps on the battery part.

Snoke lets out a howl. He rushes at Kylo. "Stop!"

"Good luck trying to get proof on her now," Kylo snarls. "Now it's just a rumor, you ugly old fuck."

"Ben," manages Rey. "Ben, you—"

 _I'm in huge trouble._ Kylo whirls on his heel, snatching his backpack and grabbing Rey's hand. He pulls her out into the hallway. Rey gasps. "Come on!"

They run down the deserted school hallways, past the bright red lockers and through the doors. Kylo throws his bag into his car. Rey leaps inside, and he turns the keys in the ignition, tries squealing as they drive out.

"What the hell?" Rey manages.

Kylo tries to concentrate on the road. The moon, full, glows above. "I—it's over." He swears, and then pulls the car over to the side of the road. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah? I can take care of myself," Rey says. "I wasn't going to let that ginger rat ruin—"

"I don't even care," Kylo says. "I don't care about Snoke. I don't—he's always been using me—I'm sorry, Rey. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad at you."

He moans, leaning his head against the steering wheel. "I'm going to be in so much deep shit." He snickers.

"I—"

"No," Kylo cuts her off. "I'm taking the blame, Rey."

"I mean, I came in to confront him and I doubt he'll keep quiet about that, so—"

"You didn't smash the laptop." Kylo leans back, clutching his skull.

"Thank you," Rey says quietly. "No one's—ever stood up for me before. Besides Finn."

Kylo looks at her. Tears glint in her eyes. Fucking hell. And he yelled at his parents for wanting to take her in— _we're so lost, you and I_. But he found her.

She reaches out and draws his lips towards her again. She gets to her knees, kneeling on the seat, her arms around him as he pants, her mouth on his, his hands out in the cold, then clenched because his fingers feel numb and he doesn't know what to do with them. She tastes like soda. He uncurls his fists, placing his hands on her waist. One hand slides up her back, digging into her hair.

He doesn't feel lost.

A fist slams against the car window. Kylo jumps. Rey gasps.

He spins around to see, of all people, his uncle glaring at them.


	10. The Cave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

Kylo drives after his uncle, following his dumb ratty car's headlights back towards his house. Nausea shudders through him in waves. Rey wraps her arms around herself. Although if he knows his uncle well, and he probably does know him better than even his mother, Luke Skywalker would sooner vanish to a far-off planet than tell his parents he caught them kissing.

They pull up at the house and Kylo and Rey get out of the car, trudging after Uncle Luke towards the house.

"Luke!" Mom says in surprise, sticking her head into the entryway. Her smile vanishes. "What's going on?"

"We need to talk," his uncle states.

Kylo hears his father swear in the living room. The TV switches off. Finn appears and exchanges a terrified look with Rey.

"Rey didn't do anything," Kylo interjects right away. "It was all me, okay?"

Rey looks up at him. Her hazel eyes grow huge. _Yes, I meant it when I said I'd take all the blame._ And it's not like he's even lying. Rey didn't know he was going to destroy Snoke's laptop.

"Tell me," Mom says the moment they're all situated in the living room.

"Sit down," Dad demands, pointing at Kylo and Rey. They both drop onto the couch. Kylo wishes he could take her hand, reassure her. His parents had to know, right? Her past.

"Do you want to tell them what happened?" Uncle Luke prompts, hooking his fingers through his belt.

Anger flares. What right does his uncle have to judge him, to talk down to him? None. Absolutely none. Kylo glares at him. "Rey shouldn't be in here. She didn't do anything wrong."

"I went to confront Hux," says Rey. "I—heard—from someone that he was spreading rumors—well, he found out somehow that I was arrested a couple years ago, and he—"

Mom's eyebrows clench together. She and Dad exchange a look. "He shouldn't have been able to find that."

"I know," says Rey. "So I went to confront Hux, but Snoke told him to leave, and—"

"Snoke was being an asshole to Rey," Kylo interrupts. Snoke surely won't tell anyone he was the one who looked up Rey's history, will he? Because that's illegal. "So I smashed his computer."

Dad groans, leaning over in the armchair, resting his head on his palms. " _Kid_."

Rey frowns at him, but he knows she understands. They can't trust adults. Not one of them.

"Why?" Mom demands, eyes boring into him. Of course she's not letting him off that easily. Of course she isn't.

 _Keep pressing. But why? Why do you press if you don't care?_ He wants to scream. "Because he's a loser who wanted to help Hux more than me." That's true. It's all true, and it's all a lie, and he feels as if he's being torn in two. _Help me. Help me._

"Seriously?" Dad demands. "Ben, what were you—"

"It's Kylo!" he shouts. "Stop calling me that dumbass name!" He glares at a photo of Ben Kenobi, young and smiling with his grandfather and grandmother. "Just stop!"

Rey flinches. Guilt squirms inside him.

"Snoke could press charges," Uncle Luke says, not even looking at him.

_Look at me._

_Just look at me._

_You can't, can you? You haven't been able to since the lab._

_Look at me, goddammit! Look at me! I'm here, see me! Look at me!_

A lump swells in his throat. He wants to scream and cry, throw himself down on the oriental carpet like a toddler because at least they would comfort him then, or so he imagines, or so he hopes, because he can't even remember.

"I'll call him," Dad grumbles. "Offer to pay for it."

"He's obviously no longer going to mentor you," says Uncle Luke.

 _Because I'm no use to him anymore._ Kylo hunches over. "I don't care."

"Why not?" demands Mom.

His neck snaps up.

She glares at him, tears in her eyes. "Why don't you care, Ben? I want you to care. I want you to _care_. _Why_ don't you care? This is your life. This is your future. You're not happy and I can't help you, no matter what I do!"

_You haven't even tried!_

_Try. Try. Try. Try try try try try try please dammit try!_

"Why would I?" he forces out. "No one cares."

"That's a load of horseshit," says Dad. "We _love_ you, Ben! We'd do anything to—"

"Bullshit! You won't even call me by the right name!"

"We named—"

"Fine," Mom cuts in. "Kylo."

The name hits him like a punch to the stomach. Kylo gapes at her. It doesn't feel like a victory. It feels like a defeat.

He swallows. "Well. Fine." He clenches his fists. His fingers ache.

Rey reaches out and puts her hand on his shoulder. Tears fill her eyes. Of course he's hurt her with his outburst. _I'm sorry I'm such a screw up. I'm sorry they aren't perfect parents. You want them to be, don't you? You needed that.  
_

" _I'll listen to you," Snoke told him, long fingers stroking his chin, lifting his head up. "I believe you. Even when no one else does or will."_

And now he's lost him. And he doesn't regret it. _You were using me, you asshole. The entire time._

"You're grounded," Mom says. "Until we say you're not."

He shrugs. "I don't care."

Mom throws her hands up. Dad claps his forehead. And his uncle finally—finally—looks at him, brow furrowed. Kylo glares back.

"I started it," Rey interjects. "I went there to confront Hux—I did hit him—"

"You're already grounded," Dad points out.

Mom sighs. "But, Rey. You don't need to fight. You can come to us. I would have helped you. I would have gotten to the bottom of it. You don't need to do everything on your own."

Kylo wishes they were telling the truth. Because Rey deserves it.

Rey nods, but he can see her lower lip trembling.

Kylo gets to his feet. "Can I go?"

_Say no._

_Say yes._

If they say no, he'll go anyways. But he still wants them to say it.

"Fine, Kylo," says Mom.

* * *

"Is Rey okay?" Rose questions. The sound of mean-spirited human chatter, sneakers squeaking on tiles, and books tumbling out of lockers fills the air.

Finn watches Rey slam her locker shut. He tried to talk to her last night, but she didn't want to talk. She just called Unkar Plutt over and over again, getting the voicemail every single time. "I don't know."

The story's all over school. Everyone side-eyes Kylo and Rey, and of course, now Hux has spread the rumor. Poe looks as if he's about to bash Mitaka and Phasma's heads together.

"If they keep this up, I'll put moldy bologna in their lockers under all their books," Rose vows.

Poe snorts. Finn casts her a strange look.

"It's a great form of revenge," Rose informs him. "Paige did it to someone in middle school."

"Have you contacted that guy yet?" Poe asks as they head to literature class.

"DJ?" Rose nods. "I'm meeting today after school."

"By yourself?" Finn yelps.

"I'm a strong independent woman who don't need no man," Rose retorts, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

"I wasn't saying you needed one," Finn says. "But—I'll go with you. If you don't want to go alone." And he still doesn't trust the guy. He tries to force himself to remember the assassin's, but it's blurred. His face he never saw. Hell, it could ever be a _her_ face.

"I looked him up," Rose says as she slips in her desk. "He really did used to be a private investigator. And he was quite good."

"The why the hell is he working at a casino now?" hisses Finn. He doesn't like this. Not one bit. But he isn't going to let Rose face him alone, and he can't fault her for being desperate for answers.

It's her sister. Like Rey with her parents, Rose is desperate to get her back.

Or is she?

Rose pulls out a pencil and chews on it. Finn watches her, watches the necklace dangling from her neck. _You don't have to be your sister. You don't have to be daring or bold or brave. You're fine just the way you are._

"What?" Rose asks him. She shrugs. "I can't worry about it. There are more important things."

"Rose," Finn whispers. But he can't bring himself to say it, crush that light and hope in her eyes. Poe nods, smiling, and Finn wishes he could share with them, but he can't. They wouldn't understand what he knows.

The world is not kind. The world is not good. The world is not filled with people who are ready and willing to help. The world is filled with selfish people eager to take whatever they can to fill their own pockets and stomachs.

"He's meeting me at the soda place," Rose hisses before Lor San Tekka takes them through _The Brothers Karamazov_.

"I'll be there," Finn promises, turning his attention to Alyosha and his dying mentor and his disgusting father. Fyodor Karamazov seems worse than having no parent.

After school, the three of them troop over to the soda place. Poe buys them all apple soda and pretzels, and they loiter outside, although it's far colder today than the last time Finn and Rose went. Clouds roll overhead. Rose's teeth chatter, and Finn's fingers feel numb even in their gloves.

A fancy car pulls up, parking over the line to take up two spots. Poe's jaw tightens. "So he's one of _those_ people."

Finn rolls his eyes. "Pretty fancy car for a blackjack dealer."

"Borrowed it from a friend," DJ says as he jogs up to them.

Finn slides his gaze to Rose, who peers up at him. "Do you have anything?"

"I have a few clues," answers DJ. "A list, you know. Couple names here, couple names there. But I'm not narrowing it down until I get some form of payment. My services aren't for free." His gaze lingers on her chest.

"What are you suggesting?" Finn demands. If he's sleazy, so help him God, Finn will—

DJ's hand shoots out to grab Rose's pendant. "This gold?"

Rose blinks. She gulps.

"Drop it," Finn demands.

"It's gold," Rose confirms.

"Solid?"

Rose nods. "It's a family heirloom."

"That'd pay for the entire investigation," DJ says. "And I can guarantee you results by the end of the week. Or else, well, you have my information. Feel free to turn me over to the cops if I don't come through. But I never fail."

Finn scowls. "We have other ways to pay you."

"Oh?" DJ fingers with the pendant and arches his eyebrows. "You got money, kid?"

"Some," Finn retorts.

"Some more," Poe adds. "I don't like you creeping on my friend here—"

"Forget it," Rose snaps. She tears off her pendant, pressing it into DJ's hand. "By Friday. Or I will call the cops."

DJ bows, pendant glinting as it dangles from his palm. Finn glares. "As you wish."

"But that's important to her!" Finn shouts. "Give it back!"

He turns on his heel instead.

"Finn, it's okay!" Rose shouts, grabbing his arm. He looks at her, aghast.

"Bastard," Poe spits. "Rose, why are you trusting him?"

"Because his records and reviews online are pretty good," Rose admits as DJ climbs into his car. "And the police weren't even able to catch whoever hit Paige. They're incompetent. Or probably bought off by some rich asshole. Money buys you anything here. A future. Happiness, or at least the appearance of it."

"Why you give that up, though?" Finn demands. "He's scum!"

"I know!" Rose shouts. "But it matters more to me, not that my sister wakes up, but that she doesn't suffer any more injustice. She might never wake up and I'm not going to put my life on hold, but I'm going to protect her as much as I can, because that's what she always did for me."

* * *

Kylo's lying on his bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling when a knock sounds. It has to be Rey. He props himself up on his elbows. "Come in."

Rey cracks the door open. Her hair dangles down to her shoulders, and her hazel eyes are wide and concerned.

"How's your project going?" he asks.

Rey rolls her eyes. "Same as ever. He didn't mention—you know."

"That he caught us kissing?" Kylo arches his eyebrows.

Rey shrugs. "Yeah. But he treats me coldly. But. You know. That's not that much different than normal." She eases herself onto his bed beside him. She smells like vanilla and soap. Kylo stiffens. He drops back down, focusing on the ceiling again.

"Have you talked to your parents?" Rey presses.

Kylo shakes his head. "Not again." A lump forms in his throat. He can't cry. Not in front of Rey. Not over this. He's weak, he's a loser, he's a piece of shit and he's useless and Snoke was right, was right, right right right right—

Rey's face hovers next to his. Her finger traces his cheek. "I'm sorry."

He swallows.

"You're not alone," she says.

He blinks and meets her gaze. "Neither are you."

She tries to smile. It wobbles. "Are you ever going to tell them the truth?"

He frowns, pushing himself into a sitting position. "Who, and what truth?"

Rey sits too, crossing her legs. She reaches out and takes his hand, running over his fingers with hers. His hands are covered in callouses, rough, hers are soft, her nails smooth. His breath hitches. "Your parents. About Luke."

He shakes his head. "They won't believe me."

"They might," Rey presses.

"They won't." Kylo focuses on her lips, soft and full and covered in some sort of iridescent gloss. "My mom called me Kylo."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

He drops his gaze. "I don't know. I don't know—" He lets out a barking laugh. "I don't know who or what I want to be."

"That's okay," Rey says, reaching out. "I'll help you, _Ben_."

He almost smiles. "I like how it sounds when you say it."

Rey beams. She's so beautiful. He leans in, hand cupping the back of her head and taking her bottom lip in his. Her lip gloss tastes like strawberries. Her mouth opens, allowing him in. Her hands run down his sides, slide up to his pecs. It's taking all of his self-control to keep his hands on her sides and in her hair, and God, that hair. It's soft and a rich brown and free. He runs his fingers through it. Her eyes, the color of earth, blink at him. Her eyelashes brush his cheek. He slides his mouth down to the nape of her neck. Rey lets out a gasp.

"Sorry," he pants, pulling back.

Rey shakes her head. She pulls him back, wrapping her arms around his torso, holding him tight, holding him close. He feels wanted. He feels like she doesn't want to let him go, and he—he can't fathom letting go of her. _I'm not alone. You're not alone. Neither of us are alone._

Rey pushes her hands under his shirt, her palms running along the bare skin of his chest. He can't breathe. He's lying on his back, and she's pulling his shirt up, her lips kissing his pecs, his abdomen, and tears sting again.

"Are you crying?" Rey whispers, hovering over him. Her lips are swollen.

And he knows she's not mocking him. He smiles.

"You can—take my shirt off," Rey whispers.

Kylo sits up, pulling his own shirt completely off before he reaches for Rey. She hunches her shoulders, biting her lip. He hesitates.

She takes his hand, pulling it to her breast. "It's okay. I—want you to see me."

"Have you done this before?" Kylo asks, hands on her hips, lifting the fabric.

Rey shakes her head. He pulls it over her head, and she's in a ratty beige bra, stained on the edge and fraying on one strap.

"Neither have I," he says.

Rey reaches her arms behind her, unbuckling her bra. Kylo's stomach clenches the moment it falls away, revealing her. His hands hover before landing. He's not quite certain what to do. "Let me know what feels good, or what doesn't," he requests, leaning in to kiss her there.

"'Kay," Rey rasps.

She's so kind. She's so—she sees the good in everyone, in everything, despite her upbringing. She's not cynical at all. And it isn't stupidity. It's beauty. He can't believe she wants him. His body strains.

He pushes her back down on the bed. She pulls him close, kissing him. He looks into her eyes. "What do you want to do?"

"Let's try," Rey says. "I mean. I'm nervous, but—"

"Me too," he admits with a snort.

She giggles. "You're a dork."

He helps Rey shrug out of her jeans and him out of his pants. She pulls off her underwear, and he removes his. Sweat prickles on the back of his neck.

"You okay?" Rey asks.

He nods. "You?"

"Yeah." She pushes herself up, kissing him. Her arms encircle him. He kisses the freckles on her shoulders, the sharp points of her ribs, her hipbones. He wants to kiss all of her.

Rey lies back down, pulling him on top of her. He rests between her legs, arms around her waist. He doesn't want to hurt her.

Rey cringes when he starts, and he freezes. "Are you—"

"All good," Rey pants. She arches her hips, rocking. He moves with her. Her face—her lips part, her eyes focus on him, sweat dampens her temples, and he doesn't want to move his eyes from hers except for when he kisses her, deeper than before. He can't understand why she chose him, of all people, but she did, and she's with him, and she wants to be here with him, and she wants to be doing this, and she grunts his name— _Ben_ , his name—and he says hers like a prayer. His muscles clench and then he's carried away, flying to a place without all the dregs of his life, her hand clutching his.

He rolls off her, gasping. Rey pants. He sits up, alarmed. "You're bleeding."

Rey looks down. "Pretty normal."

"Oh."

Rey snickers and looks at him, and he looks at her, and hope sparks.


	11. Saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

Finn wakes up before his alarm on Friday and finds texts from Rose and Poe, who both apparently never sleep judging from the fact that they were sent between two and four in the morning.

 _DJ said he'll meet me after school, same time & place,_ Rose reported.

 _I'm bringing BB8 as a guard dog, Poe_ grumbled.

 _Some guard dog,_ Rose quipped. _He'll probably roll around on his feet._

… said Poe.

Finn snorts. He drags himself out of bed and stumbles towards the bathroom for an early shower. The tiny cramped bathroom feels soothing, safe, steam rising around him. The sun's barely cracking through the sky. He and Rose are making good progress on their project, and Rey seemed encouraged lately about hers.

Finn changes and leaves the bathroom. No one else is up, though he can hear stirring in Kylo's room. The door cracks open, and Finn's jaw falls open as Rey leaves. _"Rey?"_

She freezes, the ratty boxer shorts and t-shirt she wears for pajamas rumpled and her hair mussed. She grabs Finn's arm. "Don't tell."

"Tell? Tell what?" Finn rubs the back of his head. "You mean—you were _sleeping_ in there?"

Rey's brow draws together as if she somehow thought that was obvious. Which it wasn't. Which it wasn't at all. Finn shakes his head.

"Finn!" Rey hisses.

"All right, all right!" Finn retorts. "But were you—I mean—okay—are you like, dating?"

Rey nods.

Finn's eyes narrow. "He's trouble, Rey."

Rey shrugs. She bites her lip. "He's also a lot more than that."

 _What the hell_. "Okay…" Finn trusts Rey, but he's suddenly worried about her. She's naïve too. What if he hurts her? He will eventually. Of course he will. Finn wonders if he should threaten Kylo.

But then again, Rey would probably kick his ass because Rey could kick Kylo's ass. She's capable of taking care of herself. Finn believes that.

He lets out a sigh. Rose asks him if he's all right at school, and he just shrugs. He doesn't know what to say. Rey clearly doesn't want it to be common knowledge. Neither, it appears, does Kylo. But Rey's missing at lunch, and Emo Edgelord isn't sitting with Darth Ginger or Buckethead.

"Where's Rey?" Poe asks, biting into his turkey sandwich.

Finn shrugs. "Probably working with Mr. Skywalker." Lies. Lies saved him many times.

Rose casts him a sidelong glance. She knows something's up.

But she doesn't press, not as they head over to the soda shop. This time, DJ's waiting for them, leaning back against his car and tossing his keys from hand to hand.

"Hey," says Rose.

"You got it or not?" Poe demands. He did not in fact bring Beebee-Ate along.

"I don't." DJ spreads his hands.

Finn's jaw drops. "Then give her her necklace back!"

"The police got him," DJ corrects. "They should be arresting a certain cook right now, who stole a blackjack dealer's outfit." He pulls a manila envelope from his jacket and hands it over to Rose. "Go on, open it."

She slides it out and blinks. Finn leans over, looking at the images. Maybe. It does look it could be the guy who almost murdered Paige. "Who—"

"His name's Praetorian," says DJ, shrugging. "Poor guy. Doesn't seem to have much going for him except some major debts. Interesting he's already got a top-notch lawyer and he was just arrested in the past hour. I think your parents would be calling you shortly, little miss."

Rose's eyes flash. She yanks out her phone, breath hitching. "And you just handed this over to the police?"

"I did. Wasn't that what you were going to do? Or were you going to take justice into your own hands?" DJ leans his head back, absorbing the dim sunlight.

Finn swallows. Rose glowers.

"And here," says DJ, digging through his pocket. "Police reward was substantial enough." He tosses the necklace at Rose. She catches it in her palm.

Poe looks as if his eyes are about to pop out of his skull. Finn lets out his breath. Rose's eyes fill with tears. He puts his hand on her shoulder, squeezing. She manages a wobbly smile.

"Oh," says DJ as he pulls open the door to his car. "And in case you were curious, Brendol Hux hired his lawyer for him." He slams the door.

"Huh?" Poe asks.

"Hey!" Finn shouts. "Wait! You can't just—"

But DJ speeds off. Rose gapes after him.

"What," Poe asks, voice grim. "Did he mean by that?"

"Maybe he's just a nice guy who hires expensive lawyers for his employees," Finn says sarcastically. His heart beats wildly in his chest. "Or—"

"Why?" Rose manages. "Why? Why would he—"

"Where was he the day Paige was hit?" asks Poe, dragging his hands through his hair. "I imagine a hit and run would be pretty bad for him and his fucking business."

Rose's nostrils flare.

"Fucking asshole," says Finn. "But there's no proof, and Rose—"

She shakes her head. Her phone rings, and she fumbles to answer. "Mom? Oh—oh, really?" She's not good at feigning surprise. She's too honest. Too good.

"DJ's not going to go against Brendol Hux," says Poe. "No one is. That man's got more money than some small countries. Okay, an exaggeration, but not by much."

"He'll confess," Rose vows, hanging up her phone. She turns to look at them, wiping her cheeks. "He will. Eventually. He's not gonna—want to be in jail."

"You sure about that?" Finn asks. Because he's not. Money does crazy things to people. People who are desperate will do anything to keep their hopes alive. Even if it means breaking every principle they have. Even if it means abandoning their own child.

Or maybe he never really mattered to them.

But Rose matters to him. And Paige, because Paige matters to Rose. And Poe. All of them. A lump grows in Finn's throat. Rose sniffles.

He reaches for her, pulling her into a hug. He doesn't know quite what to do with his hands, so he just holds her as her chest heaves with sobs.

_It'll be okay, Rose._

_I'll make it so._

* * *

Leia's working late, and Han's off with Chewie. Rey and Ben sit on the living room floor, him advising her on her project. He gives way better advice than his uncle. Rey laces her hand with his as she peers at the formulas on her screen.

Finn pounds down the stairs. Rey cranes her neck back. "Hey!"

"Hey," Finn says, smiling weakly. He inches towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Rey asks, hopping to her feet. She wants to spend more time with Finn. But it almost seems as if he doesn't approve of her and Ben. Which makes her sad. Finn was her first friend here. Or, ever.

"Poe and I are going out," Finn replies, adjusting his jacket.

"Congratulations," Rey says, blinking.

"Not like that!" Finn groans.

"You must be relieved they caught that guy," comments Ben, crossing his arms as he leans back against the couch. "Rose especially. I heard my mom talking. Apparently the police got a tip from another employee at the casino—"

"If you know something you can just say it," Finn shoots back. "Stop with that passive aggressive shit, Kylo."

Rey puts her hands on her hips. "What is he talking about?"

"I mean, I saw you and Poe and Rose talking," says Ben, shifting his eyes. "I know you hired that DJ to investigate. Are you going to finish paying him or what?"

"Brendol Hux hired the man a lawyer," says Finn. He gulps. "I—Poe and I want to get to the bottom of it. For Rose."

"What?" Rey doesn't understand. "What does Rose want? Does she believe he was involved?"

Finn shrugs.

Rey's heart starts to pound. "Finn, what are you doing?"

"I'm not letting him get away with it," Finn says. "Who's to say he won't try again? Rose has suffered enough, and her family—they really like each other, care about each other, and I—"

"I understand," Rey says. Her heart burns inside her chest. She does understand. Family… she'd do anything to protect them. She glances at Ben. "I'll come with—what do you plan to do?"

"Sneak back into the casino," Finn answers, rolling his eyes. "My favorite thing. But no, Rey, I think it's better with just the two of us. Smaller that way."

 _You don't want me?_ Rey swallows. "Okay."

"Text us," says Ben.

Finn promises too, and then he leaves. Rey stares after him. "I hope he's okay."

"My parents will not be pleased," says Ben. "But. They're more lenient with you two because you're good people."

Rey cocks her head, studying him. "So are you."

He manages a smile. His fingers brush her face. "I'm not so sure about that." His lips descend.

A knock sounds at the door after about a half hour of making out. Rey scrambles to answer. Finn hasn't even texted yet.

Rose stands there, shivering. 'Rey!" she exclaims.

"Hey!" Rey lets her in, shutting the door behind her. Damn, it's cold out. Her teeth chatter. "Finn's not—"

"Where is he?" Rose interrupts. Ben enters the hallway. He nods at Rose. She smiles back.

"Um," Rey said. "I mean—it—"

"He went to the casino again, didn't he?" Rose interrupts. She swears.

Rey didn't know Rose could swear. She blinks rapidly. "He wants to—don't you want to—"

"Yes, but I want him to be smart about it!" Rose insists. "He's not—if Brendol Hux is involved you don't want to take risks. That man is—we need a plan, not a half-assed—"

"Poe's—"

"That just makes me more concerned." Rose swallows. "I'm going to stop him."

"What?" Rey demands. "How?"

"I talked to the police—it's a lot more serious than—" Rose shakes her head. She grabs her keys. "That's what I was here to tell him about, but—"

"I'll go with you," Rey offers. She glances at Ben. She pulls out her phone to dial Finn.

He sighs. "Me, too."

"Okay," Rose says.

Finn doesn't answer his phone. Fear shoots down Rey's spine. Family—Finn's like a family to her, right? Like what Paige is to Rose. She can't imagine anything happening to him, or—

They get in the car, and Rose drives—carefully, but fast. She slows down when they reach the pothole place. Rey studies the dark jagged shadows of twisted trees, gaps between then revealing a starless sky. Despite being on a major highway, it seems lonely.

Rose parks near the back of the lot, and Rey leaps out of the car. She tries to call Finn again. Rose dials Poe.

"Back entrance," Rey directs when Finn doesn't answer.

"He's there," Ben says quickly. Rey's heart rate slows. He is, waiting. Poe must have gone inside just like last time.

"Finn!" bellows Rose. Her breath forms frosty puffs in the air.

Finn whirls around. His jaw drops.

Rose reaches him first, grabbing him. "You can't go in there!"

"Huh?" Finn blinks. "I mean—with two of us—we might be less likely to—"

"No," Rose interrupts. "I talked to the police. They think Brendol Hux is involved, and that it's more than just a hit-and-run. Paige apparently snuck into the casino a few times."

Finn's jaw drops. "Why?"

Ben inhales. He shakes his head.

"I don't know," Rose says, voice trembling. "But, Finn, you can't risk yourself—this could be bad, the cops actually—"

"I—"

"I don't want to risk losing you too!" Rose shouts. "You're important to me, Finn! Is it that hard to understand that you could matter to someone beyond what you can do? You don't have to earn friendship or your own blasted existence!"

Rey flinches. Those words seep into her brain like cold water. Rey trembles. Ben wraps an arm around her.

"Rose," Finn manages. His voice comes out a croak.

Rose reaches out and grabs Finn's cheeks, pulling his face close. She pecks him on the lips.

Finn's eyes bug out. Rey frowns. _Did he really not understand that she liked him?_

 _You thought you didn't deserve to be liked._ Rey knows that feeling. She squeezes Ben's hand.

The back door jerks open. Poe pops his head out. His jaw drops.

"We're going home," Rose informs him. "I'll explain on the way, Poe, but there's way more at stake here than you think."

* * *

_Rose kissed me._

Finn sits in the living room at the Solo-Organa household, drinking wine coolers from some pink Moscato Poe smuggled them from his house—assuring them his dad wouldn't even notice—and with Beebee-Ate entertaining them by rolling around on his back and barking. Poe's forcing them all to play Jenga. Rey and Kylo are kicking all their asses.

And this is the first time Kylo's really let down his armor. He's laughing, his arm around Rey. Finn keeps stealing little glances at Rose. He wraps a blanket around her when she mentions being cold.

_I like you._

He thinks anyways.

Footsteps crunch outside the door. Poe gestures frantically, and they all chug what's left of their wine. Finn's never had alcohol before. His head spins. Rey coughs. Rose only had a sip, since she needs to drive home later.

"Good evening," Leia says. Her gaze sweeps the room, the leaning Jenga tower oh-so-precariously balanced. Han canb't mask his surprise at seeing Kylo a part of this group. Kylo ducks his head, dark hair masking his face. He curls his fists.

 _Why?_ Finn wonders. _Why are you so against letting them see that you're having fun? What did they do to you? Or is it just you?_

"Hi," Poe says cheekily, waving.

The tower falls, clattering to the floor. Poe and Rose say their goodbyes soon afterwards.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Finn says awkwardly.

Rose nods, lingering in the entryway. She bites her lip. "Finn, I'm sorry if the kiss was too forward—I should have asked—"

"No," Finn interrupts. "It's fine. I—I mean, I was happy. It made me happy. You made me happy." _What's the correct phrasing here?_

Rose chuckles.

"I'd just never been kissed before," Finn says. His face heats up. "Or been on a date before."

"I kissed someone in middle school during spin the bottle," Rose admits, hands in her pockets. "Otherwise, I'm kind of a newbie at all this, too. I just—" She draws in her breath. "I really do like you, Finn. I mean, I've admired you since I read your application—"

"Creepy stalker," Finn teases.

Rose swats his shoulder. "And you're so kind, and generous, and brave. And those are all things I wish I was more of."

Finn blinks, studying her deep chocolate eyes. "You—you are all those things. More so than even me. And—" He swallows. "Look, I don't even know what it means to be liked. In any capacity. Or to like someone like—like this, but you make me smile, Rose, and I look forward to seeing you every day, and I think you're beautiful—"

Rose's eyes fill up. "Sorry," she mutters.

"No," Finn interrupts, reaching out and catching her chin. He tilts her head up. _Oh, what the hell._ He wants to. He lowers his lips to hers. When he kisses Rose, when she opens her mouth and he opens his, he feels vulnerable, and yet there's hope, because she wants him and he, he wants her.

* * *

"Hey," Finn says as he passes Ben in the hallway. Ben nods at him. "Can we talk?"

Oh boy. Rey mentioned that Finn had seen her slipping out of his room, so he clearly knows. He half expects Finn to threaten him. But Ben jerks his head and lets Finn into his room. He actually took the trash out yesterday, and the curtains are open to the lawn below.

Finn raises his eyebrows. He drops onto the window seat.

"Is this about Rey?" Ben asks.

Finn lifts his shoulders. "Kinda."

He leans back on his bed and waits. He's in no rush to make Finn feel at ease.

"How long have you two been together?" Finn ventures.

Ben looks over at him. "Couple weeks."

"Why do you like her?"

Ben's eyebrows sweep together. He pushes himself back up. _Why—_

"I don't mean it like that," Finn says quickly. "I mean—how do you know you like someone? What does it feel like? And how do you know you can turn that—liking—into a relationship?"

Ben blinks. "Is this about Rose?" _Are you—asking_ me _for advice?_ He doesn't understand. He's been nothing but an asshole to Finn. And yet Finn's here to ask him for advice. As if he thinks Ben might be able to help him. As if Ben's worth something.

"Yeah," says Finn, leaning forward. "I am. Rey seems pretty confident that you genuinely like her, so—"

"I love her," Ben interrupts.

Finn's jaw drops. "Love? How—how do you know?"

"Because," he answers, heart pounding, his fingers tracing the edge of the bed. "She's—I understand her, and she understands me, and she has worth but is afraid she doesn't—and I'm that way too—and I trust her, and she trusts me—it's an equal thing. But she's beautiful, and she's kind in ways I'm not, and she's smart and so hopeful and—" He stops himself, face burning. "Anyways. Not sure that's helpful."

"No," Finn says finally, swinging his legs down from the window seat. "It is. Rose is—so much more idealistic than I am. She still sees hope even though she knows the world sucks, and it even took Paige away from her. She doesn't see how special she is—she thinks I'm special, but—"

"To her you probably are," Ben interrupts. God, that's so cheesy.

Finn's face breaks into a smile. "You're not so bad, you know."

Ben snorts. "Thanks?"

Finn crosses his arms and rests his head against the window. The sunlight drenches around him. "So. One more question. How soon did you two start—you know? Spending the night together?"

Ben gulps. An inferno bubbles under his skin. "We just—both wanted to. It felt right."

Finn nods. "I'm not necessarily thinking about it. I just have no idea how any of this works. Don't repeat that."

"I wouldn't," Ben says, fiddling with a hole in his jeans. "I don't really either. Neither does Rey. I doubt Rose does. I think it just—depends on each person. Everyone's different, you know?" _I'm not Ben Kenobi. I'm not Leia Organa. I'm not Han Solo._

Finn smiles. "Thanks, Kylo."

_I'm not Kylo Ren._

"Ben," he says.


	12. Too Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

"The police are investigating Brendol Hux," Rose informs them when they arrive at school. "The state police."

"Thank God," Finn says with a sigh. Ben keeps his arm wrapped around Rey. It's cold, and gray clouds storm over the sky. His uncle passes them and presses his lips together. No doubt he still thinks Ben's a bad influence.

And then Finn leans down and pecks Rose on the lips. Rey beams. Ben smiles. Poe does too, but Ben wonders. He thought it obvious Poe had a crush on Finn. How can he still be happy for someone when you've lost someone you care about in that way? Especially given his mother's death and what happened to Paige.

Ben can't imagine what would happen if he lost Rey. He already feels like he doesn't deserve her. She's the only good thing he can think of happening to him in years.

"I'm glad they're going to find out what that bastard did to Paige," says Poe as they enter the school building. "I bet he hit her."

"Excuse me?" demands a voice.

"Sux," Poe says, turning to Hux. "I'm not surprised you're—"

"Don't talk about my father like that!" Hux shouts.

Poe glances at Finn, at Rey. "Funny," he says, spreading his hands. "I didn't even mention his name, and yet you—"

"My father's done more with his life than your waste-of-space father's done and your dead mother," Hux snarls. "Has your father even gone back to work, or can he even get out of bed after Shara Bey—"

"Shut the fuck up!" shouts Rey as Ben and Finn both lunge to grab Poe, restraining him as he struggles to get at Hux. Hell, never mind. Ben lets go of Poe to grab Rey. Rose grabs Poe.

"Should look at Tico's family," sneers Hux, dark eyes glittering. Ben knows what he wants. He wants them to punch him. He wants them in trouble. He wants his father's approval. He knows that look, because it's rooted in the same feeling that sparks inside him to Snoke or with his uncle in that lab, or with his parents, before he realized he was never going to get it, and ashes settled in hope's place. "They can at least pull it together."

Rose spits at him. Rey lunges again, and Ben wraps his arms around her. She still struggles, cursing.

"You don't have the vaguest clue what my family has suffered," Roe says, her voice shaking. "And if your father really has—" Her voice cracks.

"If your father hit her and then tried to assassinate her, he's like a cartoon villain, and not even a good one," Finn states. "And trust me, I've seen my fair share of animes. He'll go down, Armitage."

Ben wishes he could believe the world is so just. He knows it isn't.

"Do you even know your mother?" taunts Poe.

Hux lunges now, fist flying out. Ben releases Rey. She kicks him in the stomach, sending him flying back into the lockers. "Pick on someone else," Rey snarls. "Not my friends, asshole."

"Is there a problem?" comes a familiar voice. The voice runs fingers down his spine. Ben stiffens. Snoke.

"Not at all," says Finn, voice cold.

"Then why is Mr. Hux on the floor?"

"Tripped," says Rose.

Ben glowers at Hux. "Tripped," Hux says again.

"Because I heard taunting," says Snoke. "And let me tell you, there will be no bullying here at this school. Do I make myself clear?" His gaze hones in on Rey. He smirks at Ben.

 _Are you threatening me through her?_ Ben's blood boils. He clenches his fists.

"Crystal," chirps Rose, tugging Finn down the hall. Ben refuses to break Snoke's gaze, not even to blink. _You monster._

Finn taps both of their shoulders. Ben and Rey finally turn. Poe cusses and sends his fist flying into a locker the moment they're around the corner.

"Poe," says Rey softly.

"He's not useless," Poe says. "My dad. He's trying. He is. He's just—he loved her so much—" His chest shudders.

"We know," Finn insists.

 _Why are you defending him?_ Ben's chest aches. He can't understand. Though he supposes maybe before this, Poe's dad acted like he liked Poe. He has some vague memories that his mother might have liked him. But he's honestly not sure anymore, or if that even matters.

"Dameron?"

Ben turns. Amilyn Holdo stands there, arms crossed.

Poe swears again, and then rolls his eyes, clearly expecting her to lash out and give him a detention.

"We've got ten minutes before the first bell," says Ms. Holdo. "Why don't you come into my classroom, all of you?"

"Are you going to give us all detention?" Poe demands.

"Just you, and only if you keep talking like that." Ms. Holdo turns on her heel. Ben gulps. He supposes they have no choice but to follow.

"Sorry," Poe mumbles to them all. Ben hopes Mom doesn't find out.

Rey shuts the door behind them. Ms. Holdo stands, her arms crossed. "You realize it's okay to be sad, right?"

"Huh?" Poe blinks.

"Over everything," she says. "Over your mom, Poe, who was a wonderful woman, and my friend. Over your dad's struggles. Over things with your friends. Over what happened to Paige Tico. Your mom wouldn't hold any of that against you, Poe, not for being a person."

Ben's jaw drops. That was not what he expected at all from Ms. Holdo.

"I don't blame you for what happened to Paige," Rose adds quietly. "You apologized. I know you feel guilty, and now it looks like it might have been—might not be your fault after all."

Poe shrugs. "I still chose to leave that day."

"You did," says Ms. Holdo. "Don't shoulder the blame alone, though. And your father will come around. You don't have to pretend to be tough or to have it all together."

Poe rolls his eyes. They're watering.

 _So much for her hating you_ , Ben thinks. And he can't help but think of his own parents. He can't even pretend to have it all together.

And they're still not coming for him. He shudders, clenching his fists.

Rey pries his fingers apart, slipping hers in-between his.

He's so lost. It's like Rey's his only anchor, and yet he doesn't know if it's fair for him to keep clinging to her. But he has no one else.

If he were to tell his parents that they were dating, what would they think? Would they want to protect Rey? Would they blame her? Would they blame him? Would they be happy?

It's a strange concept to consider, his parents being happy with something he's done. Ben supposes he hasn't really given them much of an opportunity to be proud lately.

"You're feeling lonely," Rey says to him that night, after his parents have gone to bed and Finn's been chatting with Rose for hours in his own room. Her face, flushed and shining with sweat, hovers over his. Her chest is bare. Her fingers rest on his face, the uneven face Hux used to mock him for.

He swallows. "Not now."

 _And you, you're still lonely too_. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her down, covering her lips with his, kissing her as if she might fade away.

* * *

Rey contemplates telling Leia and Han about her and Ben, but since he doesn't want to, and Luke hasn't spilled the beans, she keeps it quiet. Though as the next few weeks pass, her frustrations mount. She knows he isn't ashamed of her, but she desperately wants him to just tell his parents. He shouldn't have to be so lonely. Leia and Han might be flawed as parents, but they love their son, Rey believes that.

Rose and Finn work hard on their project as the weeks pass, though Rose is increasingly frustrated that the police don't seem to be getting anywhere with Brendol Hux. They keep promising within the next week. Ben helps Rey more than Luke Skywalker does, and she suspects Mr. Skywalker knows it, too, and she doesn't understand what is wrong with the man she read about and looked up to for so many years.

She dreams that dream again. " _Come back!"_ Her feet pound the dirt lawn, devoid of grass.

" _I'll be back soon, I promise!"_

She can't see him. She can't see her. She wants them to turn around. She wants to yank their pants until she sees their faces. _Which one do I look like?_

_Why not me? Why haven't you come back for me?_

Rey jerks awake, the lavender blush of dawn creeping through the window. She rolls over in her bed, the bed that's more comfortable than any she's ever had. Her stomach lurches. Rey grabs the trashcan and vomits into it. She moans, resting her forehead against the side of the can.

A mother should be with her, rubbing her back, smoothing her hair. Tears prick Rey's eyes. _Why did you go?_

She knows. That knot inside her, that dark twisted knot.

 _No_. She refuses to unravel it, let that monster free. Rey trembles. Her stomach heaves. She doubles over, sucking in air through her nostrils, pushing it out her mouth. She waits to vomit again. Bitter bile burns her tongue.

_Come back._

Rey reaches for her doll, clutching it to her chest.

 _Come back. Mommy. Daddy._ She sobs, back of her hand pressed against her mouth.

The nausea settles. Rey pulls herself together, changing into jeans and a sweatshirt. She leaves her hair down.

The smell of Finn's garlic bagel toasting turns Rey's stomach, but she manages to eat a piece of toast with strawberry jam that's more sugar than berry. Ben asks if she's okay, and she can only say _yeah_. She's still not used to people caring where she is or isn't okay.

She makes it through her classes in a fog, with her dream still hovering like a dark cloud over her head. Mr. Snoke gives her a C on her quiz—unfair—and Rey doesn't even feel like fighting.

Phys Ed is last. Rey changes into her shorts and t-shirt with Rose, Connix, and Jess nearby.

"Are you and Finn—you know?" Jess asks in a hushed voice.

Rey pauses. She's curious too.

"No!" Rose laughs. "We've only been going out a few weeks."

"Wasn't it like same day for you and Kylo, Rey?" teases Connix. Rey rolls her eyes, smirking.

"Different people," Rose says with a smile.

"But like, would you?" asks Jess. "Or would you wait?"

"I think I would," Rose says, pulling her onyx hair back. "But only when we're ready, and I don't know when that would be. I think it's fine whenever you both want to."

"I'm so happy for you guys," Connix says, beaming.

"So like ideally," says Jess, elbow resting on Rose's shoulder. "What would it be like? Candles? Roses?"

"Oh my God!" Rose's face flushes.

"What was it like for you, Rey?" questions Connix.

Rey bites her lip. "Emotional. I don't think the setting really matters." All that mattered to her in that moment was that she knew she loved Ben, and she knew he loved her.

"That's awesome," Rose says, eyes shining.

"Sluts," mumbles Phasma as she walks by. Jess takes her balled up socks and throws them at the tall girl. It bounces off her of blond head. She yelps and storms off.

"Like she and Hux aren't a thing," mumbles Jess, giving Connix a high five. "For real. She will just go to every length she can to make people miserable and I don't understand why."

"I do," says Rose quietly. "Her parents work for Brendol Hux. Or her mom does. Her dad shot himself when she was twelve, right before they moved here."

"What?" Jess's mouth falls open. Connix looks horrified.

Rey can't breath. _Your father chose to leave you like that?_

_Why? Why would he do that?_

_Come back._

"My dad knew her mom," Rose says, folding her arms over her chest. "When he still worked there."

"That's so sad," Rey manages. She thinks of her parents again. _Why did you leave me?_

She remembers the smell of alcohol. She shoves that notion away. _No_. She won't believe that.

The conversation shifts, but Rey's mind still feels trapped, lost in Jakku, even though she's not in Jakku anymore, she's here. Unkar Plutt still won't answer her phone calls. If she can get a day off from he project, maybe Ben will drive her there just to check in. The not knowing is killing her.

Jess asks Rose about what she's wearing to her dinner date with Finn tonight. Connix grabs a tampon. "Make sure you use protection," Jess says with a wink.

Their teacher has them mercilessly run laps around the gym. Rey's the fastest, as usual. Afterwards she showers and drags the comb through her hair when the queasiness rollicks inside her. She stumbles into the bathroom stall, closing her eyes, breathing in, breathing out.

The nausea grips her stomach and her wrists. She doubles over. Breathe in. Breathe out.

The bell rings, and Rey can't move. She just stands there, trembling. If she moves she'll vomit. That might be good. But she can't even bring herself to open her mouth. Her jaw aches. The chatter from her classmates fades away.

"Rey?" Rose's voice breaks through. She knocks on the stall door. "You okay?"

"I'm gonna be sick," Rey ekes out. She leans against the stall, nausea slamming into her.

"Can I help?"

Rey fumbles to unlock the door before turning back to the toilet. She gets to her knees. A moan escapes her lips.

Rose's fingers press her shoulder blades, massaging. Her free hand pulls Rey's hair back from her back. "It's okay," Rose murmurs.

Rey leans over, trying to gag. Nothing happens. "You're gonna—be late."

"Don't care," says Rose. "You're sick."

Rey snorts. She heaves again. Still nothing. The nausea starts to abate, slowly. Rey takes several deep breaths.

"Want some water?" Rose asks.

Rey nods. Rose shuffles off and comes back with a cup. Rey gulps it down. "Thank you."

"You should go home," Rose says, helping Rey to her feet. "You've clearly got a bug."

Rey nods. "I—will." She just needs to tell Mr. Skywalker. And go to Dr. Kalonia for a pass.

"Dr. Kalonia will give one to you," Rose assures her. "You look pale, Rey. She's always been helpful anyways, when I have cramps." Rose wrinkles her nose. "I get them pretty bad. Like clockwork each month. That's why I was out for a day two weeks ago."

Rey nods. "I've never gotten regular ones," she admits. In fact, the last time she got hers was…

"I think that's pretty common for girls out age," Rose says, helping Rey out of the locker room. But Rey suddenly doesn't feel nauseated, but she wishes she was.

 _Calm down,_ she tells herself. _It's been one day of nausea. And it's not abnormal for you. Not at all._

But that conversation earlier, with Jess joking about using protection… she and Ben haven't. Hell, Rey wouldn't even have the vaguest idea where to get condoms or birth control. Can she even, at her age? She doesn't know anything.

Rose pauses outside their history classroom. "Do you want me to take you to the office?"

Rey shakes her head. "Thanks, Rose." She pulls out her phone, texting Ben and Finn that she's sick.

 _Are you ok?_ Ben replies almost immediately.

Rey stares at it, not knowing how to answer. She's being paranoid. She knows she's being paranoid.

But there's only one way to find out, and ignoring problems doesn't make them go away. Rey knows that.

Instead she texts Finn. _Meet me by our locker? I need to get my things & ask you something. _

Rey leans back against the cool metal, pressing her arms against it. Her mind whirls. She's insane. This is a joke, and she knows it, and she's wasting Finn's time, she should just talk to Ben, but either way there's no point, since it's not the case and she's just worrying for no reason—Finn can handle that, he can help her, she trusts him.

Tears sting her eyes.

"Yo," Finn says when he arrives. "Damn, Rey. You look like death warmed over."

"I just almost puked," Rey replies, opening her locker and taking out the books she needs.

"Rose told us. Ben's concerned."

Rey grips her notebook so hard the wire spirals indent her skin. She turns to him. "Finn, I'm late." Kind of. She can't even be really sure. They've only been dating three weeks—but isn't pregnancy calculated based on your last period? Rey hasn't had hers in two months.

"Huh?" He blinks. "If you're sick, Rey, they're not gonna mark you late—just get to Dr. Kalonia's office and—"

"Not late like that," Rey hisses. "Late like, what they teach in health class, late."

"I still don't—" Finn's eyes bug out. His hand grips her shoulder. "Like— _that_ late?"

Rey lifts her shoulders. She can't speak. "I'm scared, Finn," she ekes out.

She was never allowed to be scared. Unkar hit her across the head, knocking her out once when she was seven and cried during a thunderstorm. Fear was something she pretended didn't exist. She needed to focus on surviving until her parents returned, and then she would have no reason to be afraid.

But right now, she's scared. She's so scared. She trembles all over. The nausea flutters back again. _Please be a stomach bug. Please be a stomach bug._

"Did you tell Ben?" Finn hisses.

Rey shakes her head. "No—I've only been nauseated today—"

"I don't know; I don't know, but I want to know so that I don't have to be scared!" Rey gulps. "He has enough—if it's not, I don't want to worry him—I'll tell him afterwards no matter what happens."

Finn nods. "Okay." He rubs the back of his head. "So, what are you gonan do? Buy a test or—"

"Leia's probably going to drive me home and make me stay there," Rey says. She winces. "It's not a bad idea."

"Oh." Finn understands now. "You want me to get you a test?"

She nods. "I'll pay you back."

"No." Finn shakes his head. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks, Finn." Rey wraps her arms around him, and he pulls her close, hugging her.

"It's all gonna be okay, Rey," Finn whispers. "I promise, okay?"

Rey nods. She can't speak.

"Now go home," he says, releasing her.

Rey smiles and waves. She slings her bag over her shoulder and heads for the office, passing Phasma on the way. She remembers what Rose said about the other girl and tries to smile, but she can't manage it.


	13. Bloom

Rey tries to force herself to sleep, but she can't. She clutches her doll and buries her face in her pillow. She pokes at her breasts, wondering if they feel sore. Kind of. But maybe they always do. She can't even remember.

She wonders what her mother felt when she got pregnant with Rey. Did she regret it? Did she want a baby? Were they trying, or was Rey an accident? Was she young, as young as Rey is now, or grown-up?

If Rey does turn out to be pregnant, what would her mother think, if she knew? Does she even remember Rey?

_Why did you forget me?_

_No_. She can't think that. They remember her. They're trying to get back to her. She believes that.

Tears leak from Rey's eyes.

Ben gets home first and bursts into her room unannounced. "Rey!"

"Hey," she croaks, rolling over.

"How are you feeling?"

"Blech," she admits. She gagged once again, but now her stomach seems to be settled. Yet she's still not sure it won't come back. If it doesn't, maybe it really is just a stomach bug. Rey's afraid to hope.

"Can I do anything?"

Rey shakes her head.

"Sleep," Ben orders. He shuts her curtains for her and sits on the bed, fingers rubbing circles up and down her spine, stroking her hair, lulling her into a doze.

 _You would still be there for me, wouldn't you?_  She's so used to people leaving.  _Why? Why did you leave?_

 _No_. She can't think that. They're coming back. She knows it.

Rey's palm presses her stomach. If she is pregnant, would she leave her child?  _Why?_

 _Stop asking that!_  The voice sounds like Unkar's in her head. Rey flinches. Ben pulls her closer. She drifts off, and when she wakes up, Ben's gone and Finn's shaking her.

"Hey," she says groggily.

"I told him his mom wanted him," Finn whispers. He slips her a plastic pharmacy bag. "Do you want me with you?"

"Finn, it's a pee test."

"I'll wait outside," he says. "Feeling any better?"

She nods. "My stomach's settled a bit."

"Good." He squeezes her shoulder. "Good luck."

"What about your date with Rose?" Rey blurts out.

Finn smiles. "It's in an hour."

Rey nods and pries herself off the bed. The doll fell onto the floor while she was sleeping, and she reaches down and puts it back on her pillow. Rey heads to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She can hear the TV down below and clanks in the garage. Anxiety tingles in her wrists. Rey takes a deep breath.

_Please._

She doesn't know what she's begging for, or whom.

Rey rests the rest on the counter, washing her hands. She peers into the mirror to distract herself, focusing on her hazel eyes, her freckles, her rumpled dark hair. She wonders whether her eyes are her mother's, her nose her father's, her lips her grandmother's.

 _I just want to see them._ She thinks of the photos lining the Organa-Solo mantle. Luke looks like his father, Anakin. Leia looks like a combination of Anakin and his wife, Padmé, and Ben—he looks so much like both his mother and his father.

Maybe she looks entirely like one of them. A mini-mom, or mini-dad. Rey traces her jawline.

She wonders what kind of features a child between her and Ben would have. His hair? Her eyes?

She peeks down at the test.

Two stripes.

Pink.

Definitely there.

Rey's windpipe closes. She grabs the test, grabs the kit, rereads the instructions. Panic surges.

She stashes the test back inside the box and wraps it in the bag again.

_I'm pregnant._

_I'm_ pregnant.

Rey stumbles out of the bathroom. Finn leans casually against the wall, tapping at his phone. He switches it off, looking up.

Her face must be obvious, because he immediately grabs her arm, dragging her into his room. His jaw hangs open. "Holy shit. Holy shit."

"What am I going to do?" Rey whispers.

Finn shakes his head. "Holy hell."

She wipes at her eyes. The lump in her throat feels as if it's choking her.

Finn grabs her in a hug. "It's gonna be okay, Rey. Whatever you choose. I'm going to be here, all right? I'm going to support you. We all will, okay? For all his faults, Ben isn't gonna ditch you. You're not going to be alone, okay? We're here. We're here."

She cries, her face pressed against his chest.  _Why didn't we use condoms?_

_Was this how my mom felt when she found out she was carrying me? Did she want to escape from me from the very first day? From before, even? Am I like her?_

_What's wrong with that? She's coming back._

_Why do I want to escape my baby? Why am I a terrible person like that?_

* * *

_Come up to my room, Rey texts._

Ben doesn't need to be asked twice. He scrambles up the stairs, hoping she's okay and not still sick. He brought her soup for dinner. Canned, but still, Mom thought to pick it up. He wonders if his parents might catch on with him wanting to help her. Who is he kidding?

"Hey," Ben says, slipping into her room. "My uncle was pissy, but he'll get over it—" He freezes.

Rey's eyes are bloodshot. She flexes her fingers, spreading them on the bedspread. A plastic bag sits next to her.

"Do you need me to get my mom?" Ben ventures. "Are you—"

"I'm pregnant."

"What?" The words don't sink in at first. He doesn't understand—how—Rey—Ben gapes at her.

She presses her lips together. "I don't know what to do. It's positive."

"A—test?" he croaks out. He staggers towards her, dropping onto the bed.

Rey nods, reaching into the plastic bag. She withdraws a test. "Two stripes."

"False positives are possible," Ben manages. "When was your last—menstrual cycle?"

"Two months ago. I skip all the time; it's normal for me."

Of course. She's pretty thin. Ben gulps. It's true, they weren't using protection—how could I have been so stupid? It's his fault. He should have been more careful—he shouldn't have taken the risk—Rey's future is more at risk than his is because of stupid fucking society but that's not fair and it's not right and Ben isn't going to let that happen. "Okay," he says. "Okay. What do you want to do?"

Rey holds her hands out. She shakes her head. Her chest heaves with repressed sobs.

Ben reaches out and holds her. "I'll be here. No matter what, okay, Rey?" He pulls back and brushes her brown strands off her face. "It's my problem as much as it is yours." He curses. "I'm so sorry, Rey. I'm so sorry."  _I'm the worst. I'm a failure. And I'm poisoning her._

"I don't regret it," Rey manages. "Sleeping with you."

"I regret not using protection," Ben says with a snort.

Rey scowls. Okay, apparently that wasn't the right thing to say. But he has no idea what the right thing to say is. Are there internet articles about this?

"If you want an abortion, I'll pay for it and go with you. If you want to have it, I'll marry you. I'll—"

"I want," Rey interrupts, her voice shaking. "I want to—have the baby—but I want to have a future too—why, why am I—why—what if my parents left me for the same reasons? What if I was holding them back? I know they're coming back, but—"

Ben swallows. He takes her hand, studying her still flat stomach. "Anyone who thinks you're holding them back isn't worth it."

"But they're my parents."

Desperation floods him, crushing him, drowning him. "And you know what happened to them, don't you? You've always known."

Rey flinches. "I have no idea."

"Really? I saw your face when you drank the wine cooler. I—"

"What, are you saying I think they're alcoholics who abandoned me to go off and drink together, and they're probably dead?"

Ben swallows. He nods.

Rey shakes her head wildly. "That isn't true!"

"I won't be like that," he promises, grasping her hands. "I won't abandon you—or our kid, if you want to have it—I—"

"Ben, you're a mess," she chokes out. "How are you going to help raise a kid?"

"We can run away, get married—my parents we can't tell—"

"You live in a delusional fantasy," Rey replies.

He flinches. Something cold coils in his stomach. "Rey—"

"You're not ready," Rey croaks out. "And I want you to be—I need you to be—but you're not, you're not taking responsibility—"

"I just said I'd—"

"You can't be a parent until you figure out your shit with your own parents," Rey says. She rolls over, curling up in a fetal position. Her shoulders shake.

He doesn't know what to say, or do, so he just sits there. He can't tell his parents. He just can't. They already hate him. They'll blame him.

_I'm weak. I'm so weak._

He can't face them.

For Rey?

 _Help me, anyone_.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Rose asks as Finn tries to focus on their date. The eggplant parmesan tastes like sour glue and ash in his mouth.

"Sorry," Finn says. He's still not good at this dating thing. He just knows that he likes Rose, and she for some reason likes him, and he wants to be happy with her but he's never once had a license to be happy in his entire life, and it's strange. It's scary.

"You don't have to be sorry," Rose says, cocking her head to the side. She sets her fork down and leans over. "You can just tell me, or say you don't want to. Either way it's fine. You don't have to be perfect for me to like you."

Finn snorts. "Thanks?"

"What's wrong?" Rose asks again, quietly. She pushes her glass back.

Finn swallows. He reaches out, taking her hand. It's warm. It gives him strength. "You can't tell anyone, okay? Not even Poe. Not your parents. No one."

Rose blinks. "Promise."

Finn exhales. "Rey's pregnant."

Rose's jaw drops. Her eyes bug out. She grabs that water glass with her free hand and chugs it. She coughs. "What?"

Finn keeps his voice low. "She's pregnant."

"And—Kylo's the—"

Finn nods.

"Shit." Rose groans, leaning forward. "Well, it's gotta be early, right? They've been together like a month."

"Yeah." Finn shakes his head. "I don't know what they're going to do."

"She was really sick earlier," Rose says sadly. "I can't even imagine."

"What would your parents do?" Finn asks, meeting her eyes. "If you were pregnant. Would they be angry, or—one of my foster siblings—well, we weren't really like siblings, not like Rey and I are—got pregnant when I was seven, and she was kicked out. My foster mother told her to get out the moment she found out. She was crying." If you messed up, you were gone. He learned that early on. And he learned that he wasn't like the others. He couldn't just accept it.

Every time someone hurt, he hurt.

For the longest time he wondered what was wrong with him. But looking now at Rose, and seeing the tears in her eyes—tears for him, tears for Rey, tears for that girl whose name Finn can't even remember and whom she's never met—he wonders for the first time if it wasn't a bad thing, to be different.

"They wouldn't be happy," Rose admits. "But they would still love me. I don't think they'd kick me out—they'd probably help me explore my options, not enable me, but give me what I needed to make the right decision." She lowers her head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Finn says roughly. "There aren't enough good parents in the world."

Rose smiles at him. "I think Rey'd be a good one. If she wants to be."

Finn sighs.

They get dessert—coconut cake—to go, and take it to Rose's house. Her parents are meeting with the police, and then hopefully going out to dinner themselves.

Rose lets him in, and he studies the photos of Rose and Paige on the mantle. In every one Rose clings to Paige, beaming up at her old sister like she's her hero.

 _Wake up, Paige_ , Finn thinks.  _Rose needs you._

Well, maybe not needs. Because Rose is strong.  _But she wants you._

They share the piece of cake, and Rose wonders if she should text Rey and offer to help. Finn agrees.

"You know," Rose says, head lolling back on the couch. "If you wanted to talk about your childhood more, you could."

Finn stiffens. He glances at her.

"You often seem to avoid talking about it," Rose says. "You don't have to. But if you want to, I'll listen. Whatever you want to do. You don't have to be afraid that I'll get disgusted or think you aren't worth anything."

He snorted, leaning closer. He can see the pores in her skin, and he remembers her fighting for that child in the casino, even though that meant they were caught. He remembers her turning him in.  _You just want to protect. And you're scared_.

"We're the same, you know," Rose says, smile wobbling.

"You don't have to be perfect," Finn tells her. But to him, she's perfect—perfect for him. But flawed. Scared. He reaches his hand out, pressing his palm against hers, interlacing their fingers. "You don't have to be afraid."

"Neither do you," Rose promises him.

"I don't even know how to live like that," he admits.

"I think that's a start," says Rose, her hand cupping his face. "Admitting that." She manages a smile. "You don't have to be perfect to be loved—and that's—seeing you helped me learn that. Well, I'm still learning that. After Paige, I—I wanted to be—I wanted to carry her expectations—I can't—"

He presses his forehead against hers. "You're enough, Rose Tico."

Her eyes, glowing umber, meet his. She leans up, and he delves down, lips meeting hers just briefly at first, and then deeper, and then he tastes the garlic and the sugar mingled in her mouth and it doesn't matter, because there's also the taste of her, Rose. Her hands cling to his back.

_We're still trying to pretend we're brave._

_We're not. And we are. When I'm with you. If I can make you brave, I don't know, but I—I want to. You make me believe. You give me faith._

His hands move down from her thick, glossy hair to her neck, to her shoulders. They slide lower. He pulls back.

Rose pants. She looks at him and nods. His fingers land on her breasts. They're soft, even though the fabric of her red shirt. Rose's lips move down his neck. She unbuttons the collar of his shirt, mouth kissing his chest. "Hold on." She pulls back again, and lifts her satin blouse over her head.

 _Holy shit._  Finn gapes. She gulps.

"We're not ending up like Rey and Ben," Finn manages.

Rose blinks. "You want to go all the way?"

"If you do," Finn says. "I—we can stop here, or—"

"There are condoms in the bathroom," Rose says. She swallows, pulling her hair over her shoulder and twisting it. "I've never done that before."

He shakes his head. "Neither have I. So it probably wouldn't be very good."

Rose snorts. "Everyone's gotta learn though, right?"

"True," he admits.

"And if I have to learn, I think you're a safe person to learn with," Rose continues. "I don't think you'd hurt me. I know you wouldn't."

Finn nods. His gaze travels from her face, the shape of the moon, down to her chest bound in a black lace bra, to her soft stomach and the black jeans cinched around her waist. Heat rushes through him. "Do you want to go to your room?"

Rose reaches for his hand and pulls him off the couch. They head upstairs, and Rose checks the time. "My parents won't be home for another hour." She ducks in the bathroom and comes back with a foil wrapper, tossing it at him.

Rose's room is small, with a sloped ceiling and diagrams of trucks covering the walls. Her bed is small too, but it's doable. He thinks.

She looks up at him, and he realizes just how much she trusts him _. You—I love you._  This liquid warmth inside him, spilling over all his organs, the way his past both matters and yet doesn't shackle him, the way she talks to him—is this what love feels like?

They kiss, deeper this time. Rose helps Finn out of his shirt. His heart pounds. He reaches for her jeans. "Do you want to?" he asks again. Because he does. He so does.  _I love you._

Rose nods. "I do."

He unbuttons her jeans and slides them off of her. She unbuckles his pants, and he shrugs them off. She reaches behind her to undo her bra, giggling because he can't undo the clasp.

When he starts, he asks if she's okay, and she nods. "Any pain?"

"A little, but not bad," Rose pants as he waits. "Okay. You can—keep going."

They move in tandem, him copying her movements or maybe she's coping his, he doesn't know, and it doesn't matter. They move together, and his lips kiss all over her, and hers kiss all over him, and he feels wanted and treasured and she, she is his treasure, and she is beautiful, and she is a person just like he is, flawed and hopeful, and she shares that hope, and he—he's so grateful.

When he finishes, he rolls off her, panting.

"I liked that," Rose says beside him.

He turns to face her. "Me too."

"No wonder Rey and Ben did it so much," Rose remarks. He snorts, and she laughs too.

Headlights beam through the room.

"Shit!" Rose leaps to her feet, scrambling back into her clothes. "They're home early!"

Finn cringes, fumbling to grab his pants and his shirt.

"Inside out!" Rose hisses.

Finn switches it. They make it out of the bedroom and down the stairs by the time Rose's parents enter.

"Hello!" says Ms. Tico. "You two have a good date?"

Rose nods. "The restaurant was delicious." She gives his hand a squeeze, and he knows that this, this is real.

It's not a fantasy anymore.


	14. Mirage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

Rey spends most of the weekend sleeping when she isn't trying to work on her project. She's never quite sure how to act with Luke Skywalker, though. _I'm carrying your great-niece or great-nephew._

He'd probably blow up the lab.

She's been working her whole life for this. She needs to work harder. She needs to win. To bring her parents back.

What if they don't want her? If she's knocked up?

She's getting better at functioning with daily nausea. Chugging lots of water helps. But she can't wash away the anxiety clambering for her mind, telling her she's worthless, telling her that she doesn't belong anywhere, that Ben will leave her.

Honestly, she probably should just have a termination.

Rey excuses herself from her project to go and vomit on Sunday, heading down the hallway. She can't make it to the bathroom. Her stomach lurches, bile burning her throat. Hands shaking, she grabs the trash can, doubling over. Tears run down her face, involuntary from the force.

_I don't want this._

_Why? Why is this my life? Why has this—this uncertainty—always been my life? What did I do to make people not want me? What's wrong with me? Why? Why? Why?_

"Rey?"

She whirls around, gulping water from the ever-present blue Nalgene she carries with her. Poe stands there. "You still sick?"

"I'm fine," she manages.

Poe frowns. He scratches the back of his neck. "Don't seem it."

"What does it matter?" Rey manages.

Poe's eyes pop. "And now I know you're definitely not okay, because you're never not optimistic."

 _I'm all alone_. Rey's strangely touched as she realizes Finn must really have not told Poe. He and Rose were being adorable yesterday evening, and all she could think as she watched them watch a movie together, Finn putting a blanket over Rose when she drifted off to sleep, was that she wished she could be that unencumbered, and yet she knows that that's not even really the case. It's a mirage.

"What if I told you I was pregnant?" Rey asks, voice low.

Poe's jaw drop. "Are—are you shitting me right now?'

Rey shakes her head. Her lips tremble.

"Ben?" Poe asks. "That bastard—I'll—"

"I can make my own decisions!" Rey snarls. "To hell with that idea—he didn't seduce me, if anything it was the other way around. It's not just his fault, and it's not—I'm—"

"What are you going to do?" Poe whispers, rubbing his face. " _Rey_."

"If I win the scholarship, and my parents find out, maybe they'll help?" Rey croaks.

Poe's face dissolves into disbelief. "Rey."

_They're not coming back._

It's what Ben says. And she told him to leave her alone, and now—

"Leia and Han would help you," Poe assures her, squeezing her shoulder. "I know it, Rey. They're good people."

"Who failed their own son so badly he can't trust them," Rey says bitterly. She needs them to prove they can be there for Ben before she buys that they'll help her and their grandchild. And honestly, why should they have to? Charity isn't Rey's thing. They're already being kind in letting her live in their place as an exchange student. That kind of generosity is something unfamiliar to Rey, icy and terrifying.

"They didn't fail him," Poe insists. "Ben's just—I mean, he's been better lately, but he's immature and—"

"Does that mean that they didn't fail him?" Rey asks. Her voice breaks. "Look at your own father, Poe."

Poe recoils.

All of us just want our parents to see us. Acknowledge us. We're here, and we matter.

 _Why?_ Finn's left him. Poe's father can barely get out of bed. Leia and Han are too focused on their own work. Rose's have Paige. And hers… _do you remember me? Are you even alive?_

_If you could return, why haven't you?_

What kind of parent would she be? What kind of father would Ben be?

"Sorry," Rey mumbles, pushing past him. She stumbles into Mr. Skywalker's classroom, wiping at her eyes.

"Something wrong?" he asks, barely glancing at her.

"Yeah," Rey says, before she has the chance to reconsider. "There is. You're not helping me enough with my project."

Mr. Skywalker turns to face her, letting go of the cloth he's using the wash the whiteboard. "You're smart enough to figure it out on your—"

"But do I have to? Do I have to do everything on my own?" Rey demands. Her hands shake. She clutches the edge of her desk. "Do you even care? Or are you just reluctantly mentoring me because your dog liked me and because your sister told you to? Did it ever occur to you that I—that I'd want someone who actually cared?"

"That's not my fault," he says coldly.

"Yes, it fucking is!" Rey shouts at him. "Why? Why don't you care—about me, about Ben—I'm not Ben, but you think I am, right? And he's not—not a bad—you failed him."

"I know that," Mr. Skywalker responds.

"Then do something about it!" Rey shouts, grabbing her laptop. "Don't just stand there and wait for something to happen! It doesn't count if you know something but don't act on it, you idiot!"

 _Oops_. Her face flushes. She shouldn't have insulted her mentor. But— _you're no hero._ "You're a coward." _You should have told Han and Leia the truth. It's not entirely on Ben. It's also on you. You need to make things right, but you've had ample opportunity, and oyu haven't._

She thinks of her parents. _You've had so many years._

"Youy had the chance to prove Ben wrong. Show him you weren't just about money and looking good, and you blew it. Because you were afraid. But it doesn't matter why you did it. All that matters is that you blew it." Rey's voice shakes. "You're despicable."

"Rey," he manages. "Rey, that's not—I—you're right, and I—"

"I don't want to hear it," Rey croaks out. And something she never thought she'd say floats to her mind, and she's not sure if she's saying it to Luke or to the voices in her memories. "It's too late."

Rey turns and storms out.

* * *

Ben doesn't know what to do. He can't sleep at night. He tosses and turns. Rey comes to join him around three in the morning, but she doesn't want to talk. She presses her face into his shoulder, and they finally drift off.

_She's pregnant with my child._

It feels surreal. _What do I know about being a father?_

Well, he knows what _not_ to do. Ben snorts.

He doesn't want to hurt Rey.

Their alarm goes off, and Rey slips out before anyone else gets up. Ben listens to the sound of her turning on the shower to mask her puking. _I should be suffering with her._ It's not fair that Rey's the one whose future is on the line far more than his is. She doesn't have parents at all, and she's still in this contest he wants her to win. For her sake.

If she wants a termination, he wouldn't fault her. He'd support her. And if she wants to have it, he'll be with her. But he's afraid.

_I don't want to fail._

_I don't want to be my parents._

He's afraid. He doesn't know how to escape that, and he wants to. But all he can see is a sheer wall miles high, something he hasn't a prayer of climbing because he's without anything but himself.

_That's how you feel too, isn't it? All alone. Just you._

_But you're enough_ , he wants to tell her. _I believe in you._

What would she say back? That she believes in him? He snorts. She might. But she shouldn't.

_I'm a mess._

Finn offers him a small smile as they get bagels for breakfast. Rey declines, so Ben packs her one to go just in case. Finn gives him a thumbs up.

"Let's talk after school," he tells Rey.

She nods. "Okay."

"I love you," he says.

She blinks, her eyes widening. "What?"

"I love you," he repeats, the sky blue and cold above. Supposedly a snowstorm will blow in later tonight. _I do. You give me hope._

Tears fill her eyes. Finn rushes away, over to Rose, who waves. But Rey just focuses on him. "Really?"

He nods.

She steps towards him, wrapping her arms around him. She presses her face against his chest and heaves, a shuddering sob.

_Have you ever heard that before?_

_I'll say it every day, then. Every hour._

The bell rings as Ben slams his locker shut. He spots Hux and scowls. If the cops don't make a move soon—

"Saw you hugging your girlfriend," Hux taunts.

"What?" Ben asks, blinking. "I would've thought Phasma's able to hug you—"

"Your _knocked-up_ girlfriend."

Ben freezes. The air leaves his lungs. He glowers at Hux. _You can't know. How?_ Finn and Rose and Poe—none of them would tell Sux, and no one else—

"Phasma happened to overhear her asking Finn for a test last week," Hux informs him. "Given her throwing up every morning, I—"

"You're insane," Ben snaps.

"Insanely right," Hux gloats. "Man, Ben. I knew you were a fuck up, but I didn't know you'd fuck up that abdly. Although, she's the one who's going to pay the price, isn't she? Of course you didn't think of that. You only think about yourself. And luck for me, Phasma thought to record it. I think the powers that be won't be terribly happy to award a scholarship to a teen mom—"

"You're a liar."

Hux snickers. "Just you wait, Kylo Ren—or Ben Solo?"

"Wait!" Ben grabs Hux's shoulder, wrenching him around. His heart pounds. "You can't—you better not—she—"

"What?" Hux taunts. "After all you've done to my dad—did you know the attorney general's preparing charges? Of course you didn't. You only care about yourself. Well, it's your fault for sticking your dick in some Jakku—"

Ben's fist flies through the air, slamming into Hux's jaw. He stumbles back, falling against the lockers.

"Ben!" Finn rushes up behind him. Hux scrambles to his feet and swings at him. Ben kicks his legs out from under him.

"Stop!" bellows Rose's voice. And then Ben sees Rey lunging at Hux. Poe shoves Hux away.

"What the hell is going on here?" comes a sinister voice. Ben lurches towards Hux, fury surging. _Why—why are you like this? Why are you so miserable that you want to hurt her?_

Finn and Rose grab him, holding him back. Ben struggles for a moment, and then he sees their eyes, Finn's chocolate ones and Rose's rich coffee ones, and he remembers that these two, they're friends. They care. He wilts.

Rey gapes at him. She turns her face, twisted in rage, towards Hux.

"Come with me," Sno0ke orders, reaching down and grabbing Ben by his arm, wrenching him down the hallway. "You too, Armitage."

"Wait!" Rey calls.

"Were you involved here?" Snoke snarls, spinning on his heel.

"No," Ben cuts in. "She wasn't." He glares at Hux. _I swear to God, if you—_

"Then stay back," Snoke snaps. "It's not your business."

Rey flinches. She narrows her eyes at Ben. He avoids her gaze. She'd probably be pissed he got himself in trouble fighting for her.

"Oh dear me," sighs Threepio as Ben's dragged into the office.

* * *

"So you refuse to say what you were fighting over?"

"It's irrelevant," Ben replies, crossing his arms. It's not. His shoulders hunch. He clenches his fists.

Mom's eyebrows rise in skepticism. "Okay, Kylo."

That name. Snoke's name. He flinches.

"You're lucky Brendol Hux doesn't press charges," she informs him, leaning forward, elbows on her desk. He spots a framed photograph of himself as a child. He wonders if she wishes she could return to those days, or if she wishes he'd never been born.

"What is going on with you?" Mom demands. "Look at me."

He meets her eyes, angry. _Can 't you see? Can't you press?_ _You wouldn't believe me even if I told you._

"First you turn on Snoke, and now—"

"You never liked Snoke anyways," Ben cuts in.

Mom heaves a sigh. "No, Kylo, I don't. But I don't care about Snoke. I care about you."

He snorts.

"Come on, Kylo."

 _You can't even notice I've gone back to Ben_. "Can I go back to class now?"

"No. You're suspended for the week."

 _Shit_. It burns. "Can I go home then?"

Mom throws her hands up. "Can you think of something beyond yourself? I'm trying to have a conversation with you and—"

"No you aren't!" he explodes. "You're only having a conversation with yourself, trying to—to justify yourself, make yourself feel better, when in reality you couldn't give a fuck what happens to me! You've never listened to me! Why would you listen to me now?"

"I am listening!" she fires back. "What do you think I'm doing right here, right now, Kylo?"

He glares at her, shaking his head. "You're not."

_You can't be. You can't have been._

_You're going to be a grandma, and I can't tell you._

_Why didn't I matter?_

"I love you!" she shouts. "I want you back!"

"Back from where?" he snarls.

"From—from—" Tears fill her eyes.

Kylo. But Rey's pregnant. And Hux knows. And no one will ever know what Luke did, and no one will believe him, and he's been trying for too long. Did he think that if he worked hard enough, he could make them proud? Did he think that if he won, he wouldn't need to make them proud? Did he think that Snoke could replace them? Did he think at all, or was he just scrabbling for something ot hang onto, and finding only ghosts?

"It's too late," he retorts, turning on his heel. He slams the door open.

"Get back here!"

He pushes out the door.

"Ben Solo!" cries Threepio.

He pushes through the office, scattering papers in a white whirlwind. He bursts outside, where clouds bruise the sky. He runs. He's cold. He forgot his jacket. He hears voices yelling after him, he knows Rey will be disappointed, knows it's not what she needs right now, but he has no idea how to be what she needs right now.

_I love you._

Does it matter if he can't be what she needs?

 _I want to be_. His chest heaves as he slows. Spindly trees rise around the road.

A car slows down behind him. "Hey kid. Get in."

Ben looks over his shoulder to see his father. "No."

"Yes," he insists. "Come on, Ben."

"Why?" he lashes out. "Mom called you, so you come here to play the hero for her?" _What about me? What about me? And why not years ago?_

 _I don't count_. His hands shake. He clenches them again. His knuckles pop.

"Ben," says Chewie.

"You don't get to show up now and pretend you care!" Ben screams. "It's too late!"

The words rip from his mouth and lash his father's face. He pales, older than Ben's ever seen him look. He wilts.

"Ben, please," says Chewie. "Get in the car."

He shook his head.

"You're a terrible parent," says Ben. "You've never cared about me. You care about yourself. You care about your job. You care about fun. You—"

"That's a lie!" Dad points his finger at him. He hesitates and then shoves the door open, dashing out of the car. Ben turns to run, but Dad grabs his arm,

"Let me go!"

"No!" Dad squeezes, glaring into his eyes. "I love you, Ben Solo. I'd do anything for you—I miss you—"

They never asked. About what happened. They just assumed. And Uncle Luke never corrected. And he didn't want to try to explain. He'd heard what his father said about him. _That kid's headed for trouble._

"I can't believe that anymore," Ben chokes out. _I'm never, ever letting my kid feel this way. Never._

Dad's face dissolves. Ben gets in the car, but no one speaks. Ben storms up to his room when he gets home, slamming the door and burying his face in his pillow. _Come up here. Come after me._

They won't.

He's no different than Rey, is he? Always waiting. Always hoping. Throwing hissy fits to get them to see him, to get them to acknowledge that he was in pain even if the only way they acknowledged it was punishing him for acting out.

They won't.

They won't help him with Rey, or with Hux. And he's not going to wreck her life. He loves her. If she wants to have the baby—if she wants to have an abortion—either way, it's Rey's story to tell. She's the one who has to live with it.

_I have to take care of this._

A knock on his door. Ben doesn't answer.

It cracks open, and the face he sees is the face he did not expect to see. Ben leaps to his feet. "You!"

"Hello, Ben," says Luke Skywalker, arms crossed.

"Gonna burn everything down?" Ben sneers. His heart pounds. This is the last man he wants to see today. This man treats Rey like she's worthless, doesn't care about his mom, used him as a scapegoat—"Blame me for another arson?"

"Ben," says Luke. "I—"

"You ruined my whole life!" Ben screams. "You—"

"You never gave me the chance to explain, Ben! Yes, I'd drawn up those weapons. I was never going to act on it—it was a moment of weakness, of fear—your parents were facing financial hardships then; that's why they sent you to me."

"Bullshit!" All he remembers was them arguing more during that time.

"And I betrayed their trust," Luke says. "I wasn't fired, Ben. I resigned. Because I couldn't live with myself. I thought I could help them, but I'd already decided to burn them before you found them."

"So it's my fault?" Ben yells. "It's always my goddamn fault! Get the fuck out of my room!"

"No," says Luke. "I refuse to give up on you, Ben. You don't have to forgive me."

"If you were sorry," Ben says. "You would have told them the truth. It's not my responsibility to clean up your mess. That fire was—an accident."

"I'm going to do that."

"So what?" Ben asks, holding his hands out. "It's too late. You'll never give me all those years back—"

"You can take what you have now—"

"You're still talking down to me!" Ben shouts. "You're the delinquent piece of shit!"

Luke flinches. "Snoke told you what to look for, didn't he?"

Ben freezes. "So?" he asks. "It was there."

"So, Ben, there are still things at work you don't understand yet—"

"Then tell me!"

"Ben, I—"

"Go away," Ben says. "Go away, go away, just go away!"

And his uncle does. Probably to confess to his parents. Like Ben cares. He watches as a snowflake falls.

_It's up to me to fix this. Me. No one else._


	15. Stopgap

"He won't text me back," Rey says, staring at her phone after the last bell. Her eyes are reddened, and Rose said she vomited after gym class again. Phasma keeps giggling whenever she sees Rey, and Finn's blood boils. She clearly suspects.

"Fuck the project, then," says Poe.

"Huh?" Rey spins around. Poe leans against the lockers with Kaydel Ko Connix beside him.

"Go home," Poe says.

"Home," Rey repeats, her face unreadable. Her gaze drops to her scuffed sneakers. Finn notices fraying holes on the sides of them. Rose's hand slips into his.

 _Home_. Is Leia and Han's place home? With Rey and Ben? Finn swallows. Rose leans her head on his shoulder. He feels safe there. He doesn't wake up every day feeling like an inconvenience. There are bagels stocked in the fridge, and there's encouragement, and there's the way Han and Leia smile at each other.

Home.

"Ben might need you," Poe says, rolling his eyes. "Luke Skywalker should understand."

A small smile wavers on Rey's lips. "He won't, though."

"Rey," says Connix. "You should know. "I heard Phasma telling someone that you're pregnant. I don't believe it, obviously, but—"

Finn stiffens. Rose's nails dig into his hand.

Poe cusses. "Finn, want to help me deck that bitch? I don't care that she's a girl. She could kick me ass anyways, but I'mma kick hers first."

"No," says Rey. "I'll—go. Home." She swallows. "Thanks, Connix. I don't care what Phasma says, or what Luke says. I'll text him, but I don't care anymore. I just don't care." Her eyes glisten. Finn puts his hand on her shoulder.

_Is he all you think you have? Or is there more to this?_

Rey kicks her locker shut.

"I'll drive you all home," says Poe. "Since I presume Ben's car's like, impounded at his house. I saw Mr. Skywalker driving it home over lunch period. Plus Connix and I have got to work on our project."

"Okay," Finn agrees. He watches as Rey leans her head against the window in the backseat of the car, curling in on herself as if to protect herself and her baby from everything around them.

His mind whirls. If Phasma knows about Rey's pregnancy, did she tell Hux? Was that why Ben punched him today? Truthfully it could be any number of reasons. That whole family is scum.

"My parents called me after gym," Rose says quietly. "Brendol Hux has been arrested."

"You're kidding," says Poe.

"I'm not. They think he hit Paige and hired that assassin." Rose's voice breaks. "Who the fuck hires an assassin to kill a teenager you hit by accident?"

"I hope he suffers a long prison term," Finn declares.

"Me too," says Rose, hunching in on herself. Finn frowns.

The first few snowflakes fall to the ground like they're inside of one of those snow globes. Finn broke his foster mother's once when he was about seven. He pulled it off the mantle to get a better look, but it fell and shattered against the bricks and slate of the fireplace. He remembers one shard of glass piercing his skin, blood droplets on the clear glass, and her hand before she slapped him.

He had a story he would imagine, of himself trapped in a slow globe, pressing his palms against the glass and gawping at the outside world, desperate for someone to shatter the glass and set him free.

These people. Here. Rose. And Rey, and Poe. Han and Leia, Ben.

The snow falls, gentle and soft, covering the sidewalks in a soft lacy pattern. Poe pulls up in his driveway. Finn gets out of the car and heads over to his place with Rey and Rose. Rose's ruby parka fits her perfectly.

"Want hot chocolate?" Finn asks when they enter the house. It's quiet. Han and Chewie must be out, and Ben's probably moping in his room.

"No thanks," Rey says. She pounds up the stairs towards Ben's room.

"Sure," says Rose, following him to the kitchen. She leans back against the yellow counters, sighing.

"You okay?" he ventures.

She lifts her shoulders. "I thought it would feel different. Better."

"Huh?" He sets the kettle to boil and takes out two packets of hot chocolate mix.

"Having Brendol Hux arrested," Rose says, shrugging her shoulders. She tucks her bangs behind her ears. "I mean—I guess I thought—it would fix something—but it doesn't really." She swallows. "I still just—really miss her."

Finn nods. "I can tell."

"I just want her back." Rose sniffles.

"I don't think anyone's really gone," Finn says. "At least, that's something I heard Luke saying once. Even if they're—dead, they're still with you."

Rose nods. She manages a smile. "I like that."

He puts his arms around her. She leans into his chest, breathing deeply. "I love you, Finn."

 _I know._  Finn shakes his head. He doesn't understand why, or how. But every single action Rose takes—the way she kisses him, the way she smiles, how she talks to him, the happiness seeping from her tone, the concern—everything she's done shows him just how much she loves him. And he can't understand it. But she's here, spreading her sweet fragrance, and plugging up the holes he didn't know he had. He presses his lips on the top of her head, her hair soft and glossy. "I love you too."

He doesn't know how he knows that. He just knows it.

Rose lifts her head towards him and smiles.

Footsteps thump down the stairs. "Finn!" Rey yells.  _"Finn!"_

"What's wrong?" Rose demands.

"Are you okay?" Finn calls.

Rey bursts into the kitchen, eyes wild. She shakes her head. "Ben's gone!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Rose demands.

"He's not in his room, and he's not answering his phone, and his car's here—"

"Did you check  _your_  room?" Finn asks.

Rey glares at him. "Yes, Finn."

Okay, he shouldn't have joked about that. Finn lowers his chin.

"I'm scared," Rey says. Outside, the snow continues to dance, drifting towards the ground like it doesn't care about piling up. Although according to the weather predictions, that's going to change in a few hours.

"Maybe Han took him somewhere," Rose suggests. "For some—father-son bonding."

"I don't think so," says Finn. "Because Han's at the school with Leia and Luke."

"How do you know that?" asks Rose.

Finn points to the note left by Leia on the fridge. "It says they'll be late."

"That's not typical," Rey says, snatching the note and reading it.

"Maybe Ben's with them?" Rose wonders.

"Doubt it," says Rey. "It's addressed to Finn, me, and Ben." She swallows, putting the note down. "I'm worried."

Finn pulls out his phone and texts Ben.  _You're worrying your pregnant girlfriend so stop being emo and call her._

Rey wraps her arms around herself. Her shoulders shudder.

Finn texts Poe.  _Heard from Ben? We can't find him, his car's still here, and Rey's worried._

 _Really worried_ , he adds.

"Did he say anything?" Rose asks.

Rey shakes her head. "He hasn't been in the best frame of mind since—well, a long time. But with the pregnancy and his—I've—he's got issues he needs to sort out with his family and I've been kind of pressuring him to do so, but he's been dragging his feet, and it's snowing and cold and I'm worried."

"It's not supposed to get bad until like eight or nine," Rose says, rubbing Rey's shoulders. "We'll find him." Her voice is soothing, like honey.

The kettle whistles. Finn turns the stove off and pours three cups of hot chocolate. He forces it in to Rey's hand.

"I'll just puke it up," Rey mumbles.

"Oh."

"It's okay." She sips it anyways.

Someone pounds on the door. Rey leaps up. Finn hurries, yanking it open.  _Please be Ben please be Ben please be Ben—_

No. It's Poe, with Kaydel Ko Connix behind him, both shivering.

"I can't get in touch with him," Poe reports.

Rey curses, leaning back against the wall. "He talked about running away."

 _What?_  Finn gapes at her. " _With you_ , right?" Because if Ben ran away and left Rey pregnant, Finn is going to—

"Of course," Rey says. "But—"

"He wouldn't abandon you, Rey," says Rose. "I really don't think he would. Especially not now."

Connix frowns. "Now?"

"Then where is he?" Rey demands. She turns on Connix, flexing her figners. "Yes. I'm pregnant. It's not a lie."

Connix's jaw drops.

"I have an idea," Rose says in a low voice. "We could—"

Finn has a feeling he knows what he idea is, because it's been poking at him too. "We won't be able to do it fast enough," he says.

Rose frowns. "But—"

"We know someone who could," says Finn.

"Huh?" asks Poe. "Explain. Please. Someone."

"I'll calling DJ," Rose says. "And asking him to track Ben's phone. Let me tell you, it better not be that expensive, and Ben better pay for this himself with his emo money."

* * *

 _Ben, where are you?_  Rey huddles on the couch, arms wrapped around her midsection. She thinks about the fact that there's a fetus inside her, and that if she brings a child into the world neither of them know what the hell they're doing. Ben would rather run away. Rey would rather dig her heels in.

And isn't he digging his heels in too? Refusing to budge? Rey wipes at her eyes. They are the same.

But she loves him.  _You're better than this._  Not even for her own sake, or their child's sake. For his own sake, she wants him to grow.

 _I can't have this baby, can I? Neither of us are mature enough._  Rey sniffles. Finn puts an arm around her as Rose babbles into the phone. Poe drums his fingers on the slate fireplace. Connix texts on her phone.

"Do you know what you're going to do, Rey?" Poe asks.

 _Of course_. Rey stiffens. She shakes her head. "I have to get rid of it, right?"

"Have to?" Finn frowns.

"I mean," Rey says, voice trembling. "Neither of us are mature enough." That's the mature decision, isn't it?

"Well, what do you want to do?" Rose asks, covering the phone.

"I want…" Rey gulps.

 _A family._  She looks at the photos on the mantle. Leia's grandmother. Leia's father, and mother. Luke. Han. Ben.  _I want this._

She doesn't care if they live in Jakku, as long as she has people who love her. It would have been bearable then. The only thing that got her through was hoping her parents would come back, was hoping she was loved even if she couldn't see it.

She doubles over, tears running down her face. She presses her palm flat against her stomach, thinking of this mass of cells forming inside of her, gestating into a person, something created from her and Ben.

And she doesn't feel alone. But it's not because of her child. It's because of Ben, wherever he is, and Finn, and Rose, and Poe, and Connix, and Leia and Han and Chewie, and they're all here, all of them.

"I don't want an abortion," Rey manages. "I want to keep it." Ben wants that too. She knows this.  _But you have to get your shit together._

"Then we'll help you," Finn tells her.

Rose nods, turning back to the phone.

"Damn right," says Poe. "If you need a place to stay you're welcome to my place; my dad's so out of it he probably won't even notice."

"You're a friend, Rey," says Connix. "We don't abandon friends."

 _My parents abandoned their child_. Sobs wrack her chest.  _I won't do that. I won't do that no matter what. No matter what I'm getting into, I'll be there for you._

"Got him!" Rose shouts, thrusting the phone in the air. "DJ to the rescue again!"

Finn shook his head. "Always thought that dude was sketchy."

"Well, he says Ben is at the casino," Rose says, blinking. "Why would he be—"

"Trying to win to pay for a nursery?" jokes Connix.

"No," Rey says, meeting Finn's gaze. "Hux."

Rose groans. "Didn't he learn his lesson from earlier today?"

"No way," says Finn. "This is Ben Solo we're talking about. No offense, Rey."

"None taken." Rey knows he's like this. But she loves him anyways.

"'Kay," Poe says, jangling his keys. "Let's go, bitches."

They all pile into his car. "Time to get out my fake ID," Poe proclaims. "Again."

"Can he track where Ben is specifically?" asks Rey as Poe drives. A bit too fast. Her stomach churns. "Inside—the casino?"

"I asked," Rose says. "He said no."

"Okay." Rey sighs.

"If he's gunning for Hux," Finn muses. "Probably the back corridors again."

"Will he even be there now that his dad's been arrested?" wonders Rose.

They pass the site of the accident, and everyone falls silent. Rey sees ghosts in the whiteness of Poe's knuckles as he grips the steering wheel, in Connix's eyes. Rose bows her head, chin scraping her chest. Snow whirls outside as if it's a fairyland when it's anything but.

"I'll let you in," Poe instructs. "Connix, you got your ID with you?"

She nods, jogging with Poe. Rey, Rose, and Finn wait outside the door, teeth chattering. Rey texts Ben again.  _We know you're at the casino and we're coming for you._

How the hell would he even get inside without a fake ID?

Poe shoves the door open first, and Rey ducks inside. The casino reeks of smoke, and she looks out of place this time in her gray t-shirt and yoga pants, Rose in her purple sweatshirt and jeans. Rey glares at an older woman giving them a skeptical eye.

"I figured you would come," drawls a voice.

Rey jumps. Amid the blinding lights and the laughs and shouts of dismay, DJ appears, crossing his arms and smirking at them.

"We need to find our friend," Rose says. "He's probably—in one of the back corridors."

"Probably." DJ rubs his chin. "Can't say I've seen him though." He jerked his head. "Well, let's go."

He lets them into the Employees Only hallway. "See ya." The door closes behind them.

"Geez, it's like a maze back here," Rey whispers.

"What are we gonna do?" Poe asks. "Run up and down the hallways shouting  _Ben, Ben, where are you Ben?"_

"We should have asked DJ for a map or security camera access," Finn mumbles.

"He might want to protect his job," Rose points out. "To an extent at least."

"Where did you see Hux last time?" Rey asks, desperate.

"Ben wouldn't know where that was since he wasn't with us," Finn reminds her.

"We'll split up," Poe says. "Keep your phones on. Connix and I will head left and down below. Rose, Finn, Rey, head right."

"Relax, Rey," Rose whispers as they head down the hallway. "We'll find him."

"I just want to find him before he does something else he regrets," Rey returns.

Finn snorts. "Fair enough."

Two security guards pass. Finn yanks them behind a curtain. Cold seeps in through the window. The snow's starting to fall faster, whirling in the wind. Rey gulps.

They slip out from behind a curtain. Rose grabs Rey's shoulder, pointing frantically.

Up ahead, a figure dressed in black picks the lock to an office. Rey opens her mouth just as the figure ducks inside.  _What is he doing?_

Rey scrambles towards the office, desperate. The door handle won't budge. He locked it behind him?

"Open up, Ben Solo!" she shouts. "It's—someone who loves you."

The door swings open. Ben's astonished face greets her. Rey throws her arms around him. "You absolutely _idiot!"_ His clothes are damp and cold. He must have walked here.

"Hi, idiot," Finn says. "We came to try and stop your white horse routine."

He gapes at all of them. "You're—"

"It's okay," Rey says. "You don't have to argue with Hux. I—Ben, I want to have our baby. I want to. I can't pressure you to make those strides with your family, but I want you to be with me, but if you won't be, I'm still having it, and I—"

His lips break apart. His eyes fill. He wipes at them.

"Why are you even here?" Rose asks. "Just looking for revenge? You have Rey and—"

"No," Ben cuts in. "Hux—said he has a recording. Of you telling Finn that you needed a pregnancy test. That's why I decked him—and I—I don't want you to suffer like that—"

"I can handle people talking shit," Rey cuts in.

"But you shouldn't have to."

Rey swallowed. "And parents shouldn't leave their children, but mine did. I can do it. But I want you to help."

His arms encircle her. "I want to help you," he promises.

"Aw," says Finn. "But did you seriously come in here looking for a recording? It'd be on his phone most likely, and that'd be with him."

"I went to his house first," Ben admits.

"Creep," taunts Rose.

"I don't want heroics," Rey says. "I just want you with me."

"Calling Poe," Finn informs them. "Yo. Poe. We found Ben, and he and Rey are having a sappy reunion—"

"Finn," Poe interrupts. "You need to get to where we are,  _now_."


	16. Just Business

Rey freezes. Everyone turns towards the phone in Finn's hand.

"I'm serious," Poe says. "We found all these receipts that look like they've been hidden, but they're, like, for bank transfers, and it's for that Praetorian guy."

"You mean someone left receipts for a fucking assassination just hanging around?" demands Finn.

"Well, it's on an open laptop, but—"

"So some idiot left their laptop open?" Finn doesn't understand. Who the hell would be that dumb? That's like a whole new level of idiocy. And if Brendol Hux is in jail right now, awaiting arraignment—

"Fuck," whispers Ben. Rose's face is white as a ghost. Finn grabs her shoulder, supporting her.

Poe suddenly lets out a shout. Connix whimpers. "There's another receipt—for another guy— _hey!"_

"What?" Rose screams. "What are you talking about?" She grabs her own phone. "Paige—"

"Call—" Finn starts, before the garble from Poe's end breaks.

"Let me go!" yells Connix.

"You kids have snuck in here for the last time! This time I'm calling the cops!"

"Go!" shouts Poe. "Finn—"

Rose looks to Finn. He darts for the door, swinging it open to find DJ standing there. "That's them."

"Huh?" Finn blinks. Rey steps in front of Ben.

Three security guards stand behind him, all nodding.

"Wait, what?" Rose yelps as they grab her. "What are you—no! Let me  _go_!" She kicks out.

"We just uncovered an assassination—" Rey tries.

A security guard wrenches Finn out of the office. He gapes at DJ. "You bastard!"

DJ leans back against the pale wall, a light flickering above him. "You kids are the ones breaking the law."

"No, but he hired another assassin!" shouts Finn. "To kill that girl—but he's in jail—" His mind churns.  _It wasn't Brendol Hux._

"Keep talking, kid," grunts the security guard.

"It's just business," says DJ. "Wasn't worth losing my job for, kid."

"Stop calling me kid!" Finn bellows. "A girl's life is in danger! Or do you not understand that? Call the police!"

"We are. On you," returns the security guard who's grabbed Ben. Rose struggles, her eyes wet with tears. Security pats Finn down, ripping his phone away.

"You can't!" Rey objects. "This is serious! You know that—"

"They're all loyal to him, Rey," says Ben, voice low. "It's not going to get you anywhere."

"Oh hello," says another voice, a slithery one. "Fancy meeting you here  _again_. Can't get enough of this place, can you, Kylo Ren? Or are you just trying to ensure that you have enough money to support your baby mama? How does child support work anyways when you don't have a job and your parents hate you?"

Ben freezes. Finn turns to see Hux striding towards them, a smirk playing with his lips. He stops in front of Ben, arching an eyebrow, curling his lips as if to express the utmost disgust. "I hope you have fun with a criminal record too. Both of you. You should have an abortion, by the way, Rey. You're a waste enough of space."

That does it. Finn lunges, but security's too strong. Rose spits at him. Ben kicks free for only a moment before two security guards catch him, one holding onto each arm. Hux sends his fist flying across Ben's face. Blood spurts from his nose. Ben squeezes his eyes shut.

"You're despicable," Finn seethes. He's seen this so often. So many people hurting and himself unable to help, because the helpers got hurt too. In all of his foster homes before Han and Leia's. In the bully-swarming hallways of his old school. He meets DJ's eyes. "You too. You should be ashamed of yourself."

DJ gives a mock bow. "It's practicality. We all need money to survive."

Finn shakes his head.  _Survive, sure._

_What about living?_

Rose sobs. "My sister—call the hospital—call the police, warn them—"

"Based on rumors?" Hux scoffs. "No chance.

"Poe said—"

"No," Hux states again, eyes glittering.

Horror settles like an ice-covered rock in Finn's stomach. He can barely breathe. " _You_."

Hux turns to him, brow furrowed.

_You._

_You did it._

_Why? Did you hit Paige? Or no—are you trying to cover for your father?_

_You did it. You hired the assassin._

"Come with me," orders the security guard, tugging at Finn's arm. Up ahead, he spots Poe and Connix, both dejected.

Blood still streams down Ben's face, mottling his skin and staining his shirt. Finn catches his eye. Ben nods.

Finn thrusts his skull back, bone clacking against the guard's chin. The guard howls. Spit and blood fall onto Finn's scalp. He twists out of his grasp and grabs the guard holding Rose. She's already kicked him in the balls. Ben elbows one guard in the nose and punches the other one with his freed arm. Rey goes limp, and then kicks out her guards' knees.

"Go!" Poe and Connix struggle, but can't break free. Poe tosses something at Finn. He catches it.

The keys.

"Go!" Poe yells again.

Finn grabs Rose's arm, pulling her down the hallway. Ben makes it to the emergency exit door before Hux kicks him from behind.

"Murderer!" accuses Rose. "You—"

She shrieks. A guard grabs her from behind, by the waist. Finn lunges.

"Go!" Rose bellows at him. "Don't—let—Paige—"

Rey grabs Finn's arm. He gapes at her.

 _"Go!"_  Rose yells again.

He swallows and lets Rey pull him outside into the whirling snow, keys jangling from his hands. "I don't know how to drive!"

"I do!"

Finn tosses the keys to her. She catches the, unlocking the car and leaping inside, unlocking his door. He's barely in before she takes off, leaving the security guards in the snow-filled parking lot.

"I don't have my phone to call the cops," Finn whispers.

"We'll tell someone at the hospital," Rey promises.

_Rose, I won't let you down._

* * *

Ben's nose throbs. He squeezes his fists together. His fingers dig into the skin of his palms. He hopes Rey and Finn succeed. Paige can't die. Not for that disgusting piece of shit.

The ride to the police station is silent. Poe, Connix, especially Rose—they're all worried. They're all wondering.

Ben's brought into the police station, snow blowing against his swollen nose actually feeling like a relief, and then he sees them. His parents. Already waiting.

 _Fuck_.

His parents march over to him.

"Ms., Organa, Mr. Solo, they're trying to kill Paige again," babbles Rose. "They're—" Her chest heaves. "Hux—"

"Someone's been sent to the hospital to protect her," says Mom. "And to catch those two other kids of ours."

Ben's chin scrapes his chest. He doesn't want to look at them. Rose still cries, terrified.  _Comfort her._

"It's okay," Poe tells her. "It's all going to be okay."

"You don't know that," Rose returns.

"Ben," says Dad, turning to him.

Within minutes he's in a small interrogation room, his parents sitting across from him. "Really? Fighting a security guard?" Dad begins.

Of course. Negativity. Ben hunches over.

"Is that what happened to your face?" Mom asks.

He lifts his face, glaring. "Like you care."

"Don't talk to me like that, Ben Solo—"

"Why?" he demands. "Why should I believe you?" He remembers Rey, holding out hope against all evidence that her parents didn't care about her, believing that they did because she needed to survive. And he, he needed that belief to survive too, and he didn't have it anymore, not after what happened with his uncle. "You've never believed me. Or in me." His voice catches.

_Why? Why? What did I do wrong?_

_"Someone who loves you," Rey said earlier._

_I've done wrong by you, Rey, but I'll do right from here on out. I promise. I love you._

"That's not—"

Dad rolls his eyes. "Okay, Ben. It's always our—"

"Why didn't you ask me what happened?" Ben demands. The lights are too bright. They're blinding.

"We are—"

"No! Not about this. About Uncle Luke. About what happened then." He gulps. His lungs quiver. "You never asked." His chest heaves. "The fire was an accident—he had plans for weapons—he's a liar!"

"Excuse me?" Dad asks. "That's a—"

Mom stiffens. Her lips press together. "Ben?"

"What does it matter?" he manages. "You won't believe me. No matter what I say. No matter what I do." He lowers his head towards the solid table and smacks his forehead against it, again and again.

"Stop!" Dad wrenches his head back.

"You won't believe me!" he screams again. "Why not? Why not? What did I ever do to you? Why can't I be good enough? Why can't I—why did you have to send me away? Why did you have to  _go_  away?"

_I just wanted you to notice me, so I lashed out, because it worked._

_I just wanted you to be proud of me, so I bit my tongue._

_I just wanted you to break down my door, so I played my music loudly, didn't clean, refused to come out._

_Stop me. Why didn't you help me? Why was everything else so much more important to you?_

Dad's fingers grip his hair, preventing him from slamming his head again, preventing him from hiding his face, his eyes. Ben gapes at him. Fuck, now he's crying. Tears and snot dribble down his face. "Why?" he rasps again. His chest heaves.

_It's too late. Isn't it? It's too late._

_Why did you wait so long?_

_Mommy! Daddy!_

He remembers being a child, seven years old, awake with nightmares, the taunts of his classmates after he failed a quiz drumming in his head, but they were gone for the evening and he couldn't cry out to them. A babysitter was no replacement.

_I'm such a fuck up._

But he doesn't get the luxury of being a fuck up anymore. Rey's carrying his child. If she wants to have it, he has to step up. He swallows, looking into his father's horrified eyes, as if he's seen a monster.

His mother grabs him in an embrace. Ben stiffens.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm sorry, Ben. I'm sorry."

"I'm not—lying," he manages. "I didn't tell you because—I thought—you'd never—believe me."

"It can't be true," whispers Dad. "Luke—how? Why?"

"Snoke was there for me," Ben chokes out. "You weren't. He believed me. He was the only one…"

Was he? Or would they have believed him? Ben shakes his head. He doesn't even know what his own thoughts are anymore. His mind is a mess and he doesn't know how to begin cleaning it out.

_I love her._

She lights his way, but she can't do it alone. That's not fair to her.

"I never meant to burn anything."  _And you didn't bother to get to know me well enough to know that_.

Dad gets to his feet, walking away from him. Of course. Of course. And then Dad sents his fist flying into the wall.

"Han!" barks Mom.

He turns to look back at them, face twisted in—in agony. His own eyes water. "Ben."

_Don't run. Don't run. Don't run._

"I'm sorry," his father chokes out. "I'm sorry, Ben. I—God fucking dammit, there isn't enough I can say—you're—"

"Why don't you like me?" Ben croaks. "Why did you always look at me like—like—"

Dad drops back into his chair, knuckles reddened and swollen. He grips his skull. "I didn't want you to turn out like me, kid. Like a smuggler—like a—you were too smart and too good for that." He meets Ben's eyes, his own wet. "You—nothing matters to me compared to you. I've been shitty at showing it, but I want to try, Ben, I want to try—but dammit, I don't know if you can believe me." His voice cracks.

"Han," says Mom.

Ben glances at her.  _What?_

"Can I hug you, kid?" Dad asks, voice rough.

Ben flinches, and instantly he sees his dad's face cave in sick realization. "I guess."

"Snoke," Mom begins. "Ben, did he—how did—"

"He's the one who told me about Luke. But I didn't believe him." Ben hunches over, still too ashamed to look them in the eyes.  _Do you regret your guilt or your actions_? "He said he could help me. When Luke couldn't anymore. When no one else did after everyone though I burned the lab down."

"Did he ever touch you?" Mom's voice sounds sharp. Her breaths come too quick.

 _You think—what?_  Ben shakes his head rapidly. "Not like that."

"Like how, then?" Dad asks, tone tight.

"He hit me. Sometimes. When I wasn't good enough." Ben meets his mother's gaze. "I wasn't falling. All those times I said I was—when I had bruising."

Dad swears, covering his face with his hand. Ben lowers his head.  _I'm pathetic. And now you know._

Dad reaches out, lifting Ben's face with his calloused hands. Ben gapes at him. "Not your fault, kid. None of—none of this is your fault."

"I'm sorry," Mom manages. "For making it seem—as if you couldn't trust us."

"I couldn't trust you," he snaps.

"I know." Mom swallows. "But Ben—all of my achievements—it's all nothing if not for you. You're the thing I'm most proud of in this life."

Ben blinks. "What do you have to be proud of?"

"You've brave," Mom says, tears falling down her face. "And you shouldn't have to be so brave if we hadn't—" She grits her teeth, unable to continue.

Dad finally reaches out and grabs Ben, holding him. And Ben breaks down again, because this is all he's ever wanted.

 _You don't see me as a mistake_. He thinks of Rey, of the baby forming in her stomach. Even if it isn't ideal. Even if it's a result of him being irresponsible—no, it's a result of love too. He loves Rey. She loves him, by some miracle.  _I really treated her terribly at first._

His child is not a mistake. He won't ever view them that way. "If—" he begins. He squeezes his fists together, popping a knuckle. "If I tell you something—you might get angry with me."

"What is it?" Mom asks, her hand warm against his shoulder.

Ben covers his face.  _To say it or not to say it?_  "Rey's pregnant." It comes out muffled. It punches his stomach to say.

"What?" Mom sounds confused.

He lowers his hands and looks her in the eye. She did hear him. He can see it. Her face pales. "Is that—are you—"

He nods. "I love her." She's everything good. Flawed, but good. She inspires him. She gives him life. She makes him want to live.

"Shit," says Dad.

"Please don't kick her out," Ben pleads. "I want to—I can't let her go through this alone; I'm just as responsible for this as she is. She's scared."

Mom groans.

"We wouldn't kick her out, kid," Dad informs him. He lets out his breath. "Geez."

"Sorry," he whispers again.  _I always let you down._

"I'm too young to be a grandpa," Dad mumbles.

Ben blinks.  _Are you—joking?_

Dad's smiling at him. His brow's creased; he's worried, but he's smiling.

"We're going to help you," Mom promises. "Ben. Why didn't you use—"

"We have already asked that ourselves many times," Ben replies. "I kind of don't need to hear that right now."

"Okay." She actually listens to him.

_Rey, please be okay._

* * *

Rey parks the car and curses. The snow's made the roads icy, and she had to drive slower than she wanted to. Finn's shaking.

"Do you think they're all right?" he asks her.

She nods. They have to be. She presses her hand over her abdomen. Isn't stress supposed to be bad for pregnant women?

They have to save Paige. They have to. Rose doesn't deserve to lose her. Being alone is like a crushing hand on your throat every single moment of the day. Rey knows this all too well.

She and Finn race into the hospital. Finn jabs the elevators, pushing the buttons to close the door.

"I'm sure the security guard is there," Rey whispers. "They won't let some random stranger into the building."

Finn nods. "Yeah."

He's still worried. Of course he is. He loves Rose. Like she loves Ben.

The elevator dings, and Rey and Finn race off of it, towards the nurses' station.

"IDs?" asks the nurse. "You need them to get into the ward."

"Paige Tico's in danger," Finn blurts out. "There's been another assassin hired—he—"

The nurse blinks. "One of her friends just went back."

"Shit!" Rey charges past the nurse, Finn on her heels.  _A friend? Who? Why?_ Her sneakers squeak on the tiled floor. Machines beep around them, and in the rooms lie people asleep, waiting to wake up.

The security guard frowns at them as they approach. Rey gestures. "They're trying to kill her!"

The security guard whirls around. Rey whips into the room.

Phasma stands next to Paige Tico's bed. And next to the ventilator.

"Don't you dare, you bitch," Finn snaps.

"I'm not doing anything!" Phasma insists, hands in the air. "I just wanted to visit—"

"She's not your friend," Rey says. "You—"

"Why don't you come with me, ma'am?" asks the security guard. "We can pretty easily set this matter to rest—"

Phasma's icy gaze darts around the room, panicked. She shoves a cart at Finn, ramming it into his chest. The security guard leaps at her. Phasma twists, kicking him in the balls.

 _Oh, no you don't!_  Rey throws herself at Phasma.

Phasma sends her boot directly into Rey's stomach. Rey cries out, crashing back against the glass wall. Her elbow clips the ground. The wind flies out of her. She can't breathe.

_My baby!_


	17. Unveiled

"Rey!" Finn screams. He flies towards his friend. Rey gasps. She writhes on the floor, and the terror etched into her features— _"You bitch!"_

"Scum," Phasma taunts.

"Scum with friends," Finn grinds out, grabbing Rey.

Arms wrap around Phasma from behind. She shrieks, flailing. "Let me go!"

"Not a chance in hell!" snarls another voice. A familiar voice. Finn helps Rey sit up. Tears stream down Rey's face. She clings to Finn's shoulder, to his arm, as if he might be able to keep her child alive.

She loves that baby, and it's barely a lump inside her. Finn's eyes sting.  _You're a good mother already, Rey._

"You're under arrest," intones the security guard, staggering to his feet. "Good to see you, Luke."

Finn looks up then, at the person holding Phasma. Luke Skywalker. The security guard latches handcuffs around Phasma's wrists. She sobs, the girl who pretended to be fearless, and for the first time Finn feels like he's seeing her true face.

"Thanks, Lando," Luke returns. He looks down at Rey and Finn.

"What are you doing here?" Finn demands. He helps Rey sit up.

"Leia called me," Luke said. "I had to make sure you two were all right."

"Funny time to start caring," Rey ekes out.

Luke closes his eyes. "I know."

Phasma screams again, kicking out. Lando clutches her. "Stop fighting, or I'll charge you with assault too!"

"Let me  _go!"_  Phasma wails. "I—"

"Why did you do this?" demands Luke. "Why, Phasma?"

"If you talk, it'll help your case in court," Lando grunts. "Do we have to worry about anyone else coming?"

"Hux," Phasma chokes out. "Hux! He told—he—he hired people, lots of people, two people, but he—they refused after they ruined it tonight, and he—I thought it would make him proud—I thought it would make him notice me—"

 _You thought it would make him love you_. Why? Finn doesn't understand. Why would being loved by Hux be anything anyone would remotely desire? The dude only ever thinks of himself.

"How in the hell is a teenager hiring assassins?" demands Finn. "That's—"

"Weapons," Luke says, face solemn. "My guess is Brendol has contacts."

"Why though?" Rey wheezes. "Why, Phasma?"

"Because his dad hit her, and if she wakes up she could end him—he thought—he wanted to—" Phasma's shoulders slump. She glares at Finn, tears running down her face, furious that he could see her crying, maybe.

Finn gazes back at her. It was all a façade, right? That toughness. He='s seen it before. Many times. So many of the kids he grew up with adopted it, lashed out, pretended they were brave because if they wore enough armor maybe life's barbs wouldn't hurt so badly. He just couldn't.

 _I'm sorry,_  he thinks.  _Your life is no picnic._

"That isn't what I meant!" Rey cries. "Why?" She clutches her stomach.

 _You knew._  Finn remembers. He glowers at her anew.  _You knew she was pregnant, and you still kicked her in the stomach._

 _Because you wanted to ruin any kind of happy ending for her_.  _You're angry. You're jealous, aren't you? Of Rey and Ben._

Nurses rush over. "Are you all right? Do you need medical attention?"

"She just got kicked in the stomach," Finn says. "And she's pregnant."

"What?" Luke gapes.

The nurse's eyebrows fly up. "Let me help you up. We'll take you to the ER. How far along are you?'

"I don't know," Rey whispers.

"I'm sorry, what?' Luke asks again.

"You don't get to gripe about it," says Rey. She looks up at him, her eyes streaming. "You don't get to talk about it. Not after what you did."

They were lonely, so they turned to each other. Finn helps Rey into a wheelchair. The nurse smiles at him. "Are you the boyfriend?"

Finn shakes his head. "No. I'm the friend. Brother, really. Rose Tico's my girlfriend."

"I'm Jyn," says the nurse. "We'll take good care of you, okay?"

Rey nods, still shaking. Lando escorts Phasma away. Luke rubs his forehead, leaning against the nurse's station. He takes deep breaths.

Finn turns towards the hospital room.  _We did it._  "Someone needs to call Rose and her parents."

"We will," says Jyn, wheeling Rey away. "Are you in any pain? Any cramping?"

Rey shakes her head.

Finn looks at Luke. "You failed them."

"I know," Luke whispers.

And yet Rey and Ben still made their own choices. Finn looks back at Paige again.

His heart skips a beat.  _Huh?_  Finn inches closer.

"Finn?" Luke calls, but Finn ignores him. The stinging scent of antiseptic, the bleeping machines, the whirs of the respirator—they all die away. On that small bed, Paige lies, her eyes closed.

And then they flutter. Finn freezes. He knows this is normal for people in comas—but—

Paige's eyes open. They're deep brown, just like Rose's, the eyes Finn knows so well. He frowns. "Paige Tico?"

Her eyes slide across the room, focusing on him. Luke sucks in his breath. Finn holds up his finger, moving it around.

Her eyes follow. And then they close again.

"Holy shit," Finn breathes.

"Nurse!" Luke bellows. _"Now!"_

* * *

"Are you sure?"

Ben sits with his parents, Rose, Poe, and Connix in the waiting room at the police station. The officer who booked them, Cassian Andor, hangs up his phone. "That was my wife."

"Your wife?" asks Ben, confused.

"She works at the hospital," Cassian answers. "Paige is okay. Someone tried to attack her, but she was arrested. And she's already ratted on the person behind it all."

"Armitage Hux," Ben supplies.

Cassian nods. "And he just so happened to be right here to file a complaint against you four. Which still stands for now, by the way, though I'm sure a judge will toss it. Finn and Rey are okay, but they're taking Rey to get medical attention just to make sure she's all right."

Fear slices through Ben. The baby. He sits up straighter. "I can't—can we go?"

"Soon enough," Cassian answers. "Promise, kid."

The door opens, and Arimtage Hux is escorted in, hands behind his back. "This isn't fair!" he rants. "This isn't—" He stops when he sees Ben. His face contorts in rage, swelling red. "You—"

"You tried to have my sister killed!" Rose screams, jumping up. Leia jumps up too, grabbing Rose and restraining her. "Why? Why? Tell me why, Armitage! Why? You've known Paige since we were in grade school!" Her chest heaves. " _Why?"_

"His father is the one who hit Paige, from the looks of it," says another cop, a man with long dark hair. "According to Phasma."

Ben glances back at Hux.

"Shut up!" Hux screams. "Tell her to shut up! All of you, shut up!"

"You're not making any sense," Ben taunts. Dad's hand grips his shoulder.

"Oh really?" Hux glares at him. "Sitting there with your parents like everything's just peachy-keen, aren't you? You're not the only one in this world who has to earn their parents' affection! Why—why do  _you_  get to succeed? Why don't I?" He gulps in air, voice shattering. "Why not me? Why not me?" His pitch rises. "I can't— _no!"_

 _Snoke isn't coming,_  Ben thinks.  _And neither is your dad, probably not even once he's released on the attempted murder for hire charges._

_You're all alone._

_Weren't you always all alone?_

"I don't want to go to jail!" Hux screams. "Dad—Dad—please—I just wanted to make—you proud—" His legs flail, kicking out. He wilts, screaming and screaming. "Where is he? I want to see him! _I want my dad!"_

"You'll be allowed to see him soon enough," the long-haired cop says.

"Will he?" Mom asks, brow creased in concern. Rose's jaw hangs open. Tears are in Poe's eyes.

"You need to come with me, now," says Cassian.

"I don't want to!" Hux spits at him. Cassian scowls, wiping the glop off his forehead.

"Come on." Cassian grabs his arm, tugging him down the hallway. Hux screams again.

"We'll need a psychological evaluation," says the long-haired cop.

Ben realizes his father's gaping at him. He squirms. As much as he hates Hux, that show—that was pitiful. Nausea grips his stomach.

"Bodhi," Mom says. "Do you still have that lawyer friend?"

"Chirrut? Yeah." Bodhi sighs. "Assuming his dad doesn't hook him up with a good one, I'll give him a call. I'm sure he'd take the case pro bono."

Mom nods. "Good."

"I'll just get the paperwork processed," Bodhi says. "And then you can be on your way. I'm sure you're gonna want to be near Rey and Finn too."

"Go," Ben tells his mom.

She looks at him, mouth open.

"Dad can stay with me," Ben says. "Rey needs—someone."  _And I need to know if the baby is okay._

My  _baby_.

It sounds fake. But it's real.

Mom wraps her arms around him. She inhales, smoothing his hair. And when she leaves, she has tears in her eyes.

"Damn," Poe says after the door closes. "I thought—Hux, man. Damn."

"It's awful," says Connix. "Never thought I'd feel sorry for him."

He's lonely. That screaming, that thrashing— _notice me, Dad, notice me_. Ben doubles over. If it weren't for Rey, if his life circumstances had been slightly different…

"And now his life's ruined," Poe whispers.

"No," says Rose. "I don't think that. I think—I think he altered it, and it'll be harder, but it's not ruined, not if he doesn't want it to be." Tears dribble down her cheeks. "I don't know if I ever can forgive him."

Ben swallows. He looks at his father.  _You have a criminal record_. He's overheard him talking about it with Mom and Luke before, and Chewie.

He thinks of his own life. This is not the trajectory anyone would have wanted, having a baby in high school. It's not a good choice.

But Rey doesn't want an abortion, and neither does he. They'll take the missteps, the mistakes, and try to make what they can of it. But he knows that he and Rey can't do it alone.

 _Help me_ , he thinks when he meets his father's gaze.  _Please, help me._

"I relate," Poe says roughly.

"Hm?" Rose turns to him.

"To Hux, man," says Poe. He blows out his breath. "My dad—he doesn't notice me anymore. He just thinks about Mom, but she's dead and rotting and I'm here and alive and he still can't see me. I don't know if it's because I remind him of her or what, but I—but she—" He gulps. And then he doubles over, wrapping his arms around himself. A stifled sob breaks into the air.

Connix puts her hand on his shoulder.

"There's so much I want to tell him," Poe manages. "But I—he won't care."

Dad sucks in his breath. "Ah, shit."

Ben turns.

Mr. Dameron stands in the doorway, his face gray.

 _Don't you run away,_  Ben thinks. _Don't you dare run away, you failure._ Judging from the snap in Rose's eyes, she'll verbally lash him just like Ben will if he leaves.

"Poe," whispers Mr. Dameron.

Poe hiccups. He looks up, eyes brown and wide and terrified. "I—" He shakes his head.

"Never thought you'd end up here," Mr. Dameron says. "Guess that shows how out of touch I really am."

Ben glowers.

"I'm sorry," chokes out Mr. Dameron. "Poe, goddammit. I'm sorry. You—I—" He drops down into the chair next to Poe, the one Connix vacates. His arms wrap around his son, and they both sob.

 _I relate,_  Ben thinks, doubling over.  _Me, too. Me, too._

_I just wanted to make you proud, but I gave up on that so early._

A hand lands on his shoulder, squeezing. Dad looks as if he's trying not to cry. Ben blinks.

The door flies open again. The Ticos rush in, both throwing their arms around Rose. No scolding. Just love. Ben smiles.

"Rose," says her mother. "The doctors called us. Paige is waking up."

* * *

"How do you know you're pregnant?" asks the nurse. Jyn is staying with her for right now.

"I had unprotected sex and took a test and it was positive. But I skip periods all the time," Rey says. The washed-out aqua curtains of the emergency department block the outside world from her. Her heart thumps. She wonders how Ben is.

She just wants her baby to be okay. Tears sting her eyes. _I want it. Even if it isn't logical, even if it isn't smart, I want it._

"We'll do a test," the nurse decides. "In the meantime, if you have any spotting or cramps—"

"Wouldn't it be best to simply give her an ultrasound?" Jyn interrupts.

"I'll speak to the attending physician," says the nurse, ducking out from behind the curtain. Rey curls up on the cot. She hates this uncertainty. If her naiveté costs her her child's life—

"It's going to be okay," Jyn encourages her.

"I don't know about that," Rey says, wrapping her arms around a pillow and holding it to her midsection. "I'm a foster kid, you know. Here on exchange. When it ends…"

"I was a runaway when I was your age," Jyn tells her. "I found a home eventually. With my husband, Cassian, and his friends. You can find a home."

_Without my parents?_

_My parents._

_Where are you?_

She thinks of Ben. "He understands me," she says. "The guy. My boyfriend. We're the same in so many ways."

"I understand, too," Jyn says.

"Thank you," Rey says quietly. "For not lecturing me about being an irresponsible teenager."

"In my experience," says Jyn, leaning forward on her elbows. "Lecturing a headstrong teenager isn't going to get through to them."

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Rey asks. "I want to—keep it." Her voice trembled. "I want to have it."

"I don't think you're crazy for doing what you want to do," Jyn says. "This is a highly personal decision, and only you can make it."

The curtain parts. Rey looks up to see Leia.

 _Fuck._  She gulps. Her cheeks burn.

"Rey." Leia rushes over to her, grasping her in an embrace. "You're okay. We were so worried when we heard—"

"Ben," Rey interrupts. "He was at the—"

"He was at the police station," Leia interrupts. "With Han, Rose, Poe, and Connix." She bites her lip. "Where's Finn?"

"With your brother," Rey returns. "He wasn't hurt."

Leia lets out a sigh. "Rey…" She glances at Jyn, who nods at her and rises. "Ben told us."

Rey grips the pillow. "I—I'm—sorry." Her voice broke.  _Please don't think I'm some slut who seduced your son. Please—_

"It's okay," Leia says softly. Rey cracks her eyes open. Jyn leaves as Leia eases herself onto Rey's cot. "You aren't in trouble, Rey. Not for that."

Rey squints at her. "You aren't mad?"

Leia shakes her head. "Disappointed," she admits, brushing a strand of Rey's hair off her cheek. "Not angry. You both have—so much potential."

 _I was so lonely_. And what does she want with her potential?

She thinks of her parents. She thought that if she was the best she could be, earned straight As, earned a scholarship, got her name out there, they'd come back. They'd find her worthy. And yet, Leia's here. Leia isn't condemning her.

"I love your son," Rey chokes out.

"I'm glad to hear it." Leia clears her throat. "Rey, we're not going to kick you out."

"You're not?"

"No." Leia smiles. "I remember being pregnant, and scared. Ben wasn't planned, though he was wanted. Of course we were out of college, but we'd just gotten married."

Rey nods.

"It's going to be hard, Rey," Leia says. "If you want to keep it. Motherhood is the hardest thing I've done in my life—and I know I haven't done the most wonderful job with it." Her voice broke. "But I—it's not weak to ask for help, or to—"

Rey hugs her. Leia sucks in her breath.

 _You are my family,_  Rey thinks.

The doctor pushes open the curtains. "Rey, we're taking you for an ultrasound."

Leia accompanies her to the small cozy room, walls painted a dark yellow. Rey lies down on the table, pulling her shirt up to expose her stomach.

A knock sounds. The doctor wheels his chair back.

"Excuse me, sir," says Jyn's voice. "But her brother and her boyfriend—the baby's father—are here."

Rey blinks. "It's okay if they come in."

The doctor nods. Han, Finn, and—Ben enter. He rushes for her the moment he sees her, grasping her hand.

"Phasma kicked me in abdomen," Rey whispers. Her voice breaks. I'm scared. If they tell her that the baby's dead, she'll—she doesn't know what she'd do. She'd have her future back, she supposes. But she wants this baby in her future, even if it means a derailed life trajectory.

Ben smoothes her hair away from her forehead. "It's not your fault." His voice trembles. "I'm sorry, Rey."

Rey blinks. "It's not your fault either."

The doctor spreads some gel over her stomach. It's cold. Rey shivers. Ben grips her hand. The doctor presses a wand into her belly, moving it around. He frowns. Rey's heart skips a beat.

"Yep," says the doctor. "You're pregnant, about five or six weeks along. And the baby's still moving."

"Moving?" Rey asks.

The doctor spins the monitor around, and she sees a small white creature on the black screen, wriggling. Ben's mouth falls open.

 _That's my child_. Rey feels tears clawing their way out from her eyes and dribbling down her face.

And around her, she sees Han, Leia, and Finn, their gazes all glued on the screen as well, and she knows that she has her family.


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for the slow update. Real life has been a bitch lately, and I'm traveling starting tonight, and so I wanted to get this out of the way before I left. This is really more of an epilogue and I know it's a tad rushed (I apologize, you deserve the best story but alas this is the best I can do right now), but I hope you enjoy (yes this is the last chapter).

"Finn, Rose, please see Ms. Organa in her office," Mr. Skywalker tells them, his face solemn.

Finn glances at Rose.  _What did we do?_

She shrugs. For a moment Finn fears it's something to do with her sister, but no, they wouldn't have called him if that were the case. Rey gives him a small smile, a barely discernable bulge under her shirt.

They make it to the office, where Leia tells them to take a seat. Finn brushes his fingers against the soft skin of Rose's hands.

"Congratulations," Leia tells them, a smile fighting through her lips. "Your project won."

Finn's jaw drops. He turns to gape at Rose. She shakes her head wildly.

"The—" Leia doesn't get the chance to finish before Finn hugs her. She lets out a gasp.

"Thank you," he manages.  _I have a future._

Of course, he thinks as he pulls away. Maybe he did anyways. The way Leia and Han treat him and Rey—he doesn't feel like a burden. And he's still adjusting to what that feels like, because it's new, it's fresh, it's light.

And Rose. Tears fill her eyes, stream down her cheeks. "Why're you crying?" he asks.

Rose snorts. "Because I'm happy. My parents will be so—relieved—they don't have to pay for—"

Finn hugs her. She wraps her arms around him, holding tight.

She helped him earn this scholarship. But she also showed him love.  _I love you, Rose. I love you._

Finn lets out his breath. They leave the office to find Poe, Rey, Ben, Connix, Jess, and Snap all waiting in the hallway. "You won, didn't you?" Poe asks.

Finn swallows. "Sorry—"

"Nah man," says Poe, grabbing him in a hug. "I'm happy for you. So proud of you both. You—I can't think of two people who deserve it more, you heroes. Smart heroes."

"We should tell Paige," Rose says.

"Well," says Poe. "Ben and I will drive."

Finn, Rose, and Connix head with Poe. Ben and Rey take Jess and Snap. Paige has been moved to a rehabilitation center. She still spoke in a stilted voice and tired easily, and was only just now learning how to walk again. But she was alive, and Finn could see how Rose's eyes lit up every time she entered Paige's room.

Finn and Poe went to meet Paige the first time since she woke up together, with Rose. Poe was more scared than Paige, but she smiled at him, lopsided, but a smile, and she was beautiful.

_"This is my boyfriend," Rose had introduced Finn._

_"Gotta get better," Paige rasped. "To… fight him."_

They'd all laughed, and Paige seemed to be warming up to Finn. She gave Rose a thumbs up last time they went to visit her over the weekend, at least.

"Paige!" Rose sings, escorting them all into her room. "We're all here to see you!"

Paige manages a smile, sitting up in her bed. "Hey."

"Hey," Poe says, still lowing his head as if ashamed.

"Hey," Paige says. "Any news on—Hux?"

"Brendol's taken a plea deal," Connix reports, plopping down on the bed next to Paige and smoothing Paige's hair. "A year and a fine and probation. Armitage is still struggling."

"I heard he isn't even getting his father's lawyer and he's stuck with a court appointed one," said Snap, leaning back against the window. Jess hoists herself up on the sill.

"No," Ben says quietly. "Chirrut is a friend of my parents. He's a good lawyer."

"Honestly, Brendol Hux makes my dad look like a great dad," Poe declared.

Finn swallowed. He wondered. He knew how it felt—to be so abandoned by the people who were supposed to love you no matter what, love you forever. And to have them turn on you—for him, to never want him, for Poe, to want him but be so trapped by an illness you couldn't reach your child and still hurt him, for Hux—to be condemned by your selfish father even though you sank to such depths and damned yourself in an effort to save him—he can't imagine the pain.

"I'll write him," Paige says.

"Huh?" Rose blinks.

She manages a small smile. "Don't hate him."

Rey shakes her head.

"How's baby?" Paige asks Rey.

Rey flushes. "Good. The morning sickness is finally—stopping."

Paige gives another thumbs up.

"But what would you say?" Poe wonders.

Paige tilts her head to look up at him. "That I don't hate him. He's not my friend, but I don't hate him." She reaches for her cup of ginger ale. "You're my friend, Poe."

Poe closed his eyes. "Even though I did this to you?"

"If you want to be," Paige says. "Yes."

Poe's eyes mist over. Finn gives his friend a smile.  _Don't hate yourself. You are forgiven. Deserve doesn't matter._

"Paige, guess what," Rose says. She clutches Finn's hand.

"Oh God," moans Paige. "If you're—I swear Rose—if I'm going to be an aunt I gotta be out of this place so—"

"What?" Rose yelps. "No! No Paige! I am not pregnant!"

"Safe sex kids," Paige mumbles. Ben and Rey turn red. Finn's face feels as if embarrassment scalds it.

"Great advice," Finn says sarcastically.

"No problem. Anytime." Paige slurps through her straw.

"We won, Paige," Rose blurts out. "The scholarship. Finn and my project won."

Paige's jaw falls open. And Finn thinks for a moment about her. She should be graduating this spring. Instead she'll graduate with them, as she hopes to start school again next year. But she was moving forward. "I'm so proud of you, Rosie."

"Rosie?" asks Poe, eyes gleaming.

"Cup, Paige," Rose commands.

Paige hands it over. She crumples it and tosses it off Poe's forehead. He yelps.

…

Ben woke up at three in the morning to a pounding on his door. He scrambled out of bed to find Rey standing there. "What's wrong?" he hisses. "What's happening? Is the baby—"

"Shh," Rey says, slipping into his room and shutting the door. She takes his hands and put them over her abdomen. "Feel that?"

Ben frowns. Her stomach is slightly rounded now, and it's still so new for both of them—they're having a child. And now, he feels flutters in her stomach, just a tad, like fragile butterfly wings. "Wow."

Rey giggles. She leans her head against his shoulder, and he wraps his arms around her, holding her.  _I won't let you go._

It still seems incredible to him, that she's here, that she chose him. He knows he doesn't deserve her, and yet she's still here, holding him, and she wants him. It's all he's ever wanted: someone to want him.

His parents have been pretty supportive, helping Ben and Rey find jobs for the summer. Ben's will continue after school restarts in the fall, and his parents offered to help them find childcare so Rey and Ben can finish school.

His uncle will be paying for it. He claims it's the least he can do. But that sits ill at ease with Ben in some ways. Because he feels like his uncle feels it's his fault.

Ben doesn't want to consider this child a mistake. Having sex without using protection—that was a mistake. Their baby is not a mistake. His chest throbs. He wants their child to know how much he loves them. Already. They want him or her, even though they didn't plan for them.

"Unkar Plutt hasn't called," Rey says, settling down in Ben's bed beside him. He wraps his arm around her.

"Did you expect him to?"

Rey shakes her head. "The state seems fine with me staying here, and I doubt he'd protest."

Ben sighs. "I'm sorry."

"I'm still afraid I'll be like them," Rey says. "Or rather, like your parents. Abandon—without even meaning to."

"You won't," Ben says. "I won't let you."

"I won't let you either," Rey says, a smirk on her face.

"My mom told me Luke isn't coming back to teach at the school next year," Ben says. "He's moving away."

Rey sighs. Ben closes his eyes, her shoulder warm against him. His hand rubbed her stomach.

_"What happened with the fire," Luke told him. "It was not your fault, Ben."_

A good apology. And yet a part of him felt like it came almost too late. And he felt awful for that, but Rey told him she understood, and he thought of her parents and knew she probably did.

…

Rey still feels strange every time Leia accompanied her to a doctor's appointment. But Leia never treats her like she was a burden.

"You doing okay, Rey?" Leia asks one morning over the summer, when the baby was starting to poke out even more and Rey couldn't sleep in.

She nods, pouring herself a glass of orange juice. "Just tired."

"I remember," Leia says. "When I was pregnant with Ben—especially later on in my pregnancy—he kicked me constantly."

Rey laughs. Leia's hand lands on her shoulder. "We want you here, Rey. You know that, right?"

Rey manages a broken smile. "It's good to hear that."

"Ben wasn't planned either," Leia says. "Han and I had just gotten married, straight out of college. Neither Luke nor I were planned either. Han—well, he lost his parents so young he doesn't know."

 _Does he know how I feel?_  To grow up without parents? Rey sips her orange juice. It's tangy, sweet too. To be so alone.

"But we always wanted Ben," says Leia, a catch in her voice. "Han was—terrified. It's okay to be terrified, Rey."

Rey swallows. "It is pretty scary." She's about to be responsible for another human being in four more months, and she hardly feels responsible for herself. "You don't—" She stops herself.

"What?" Leia cocks her head.

"Don't…" Rey sighs. "Don't view me as someone who ruined your son's life?"

Leia's eyes widen. "Oh, Rey. No. You and Ben both made this choice. It's not your responsibility alone."

_I've always been on my own._

But not anymore.

Rey clears her throat. "Do you want to come to my appointment today?" It's her sonogram to find out the baby's gender.

Leia's eyes mist. "I'd love to."

Ben holds her hand when the nurse, who shook her head at Rey's age when she first met Rey, slides gel over her stomach. The wand presses in, and Rey smiles when she sees the baby pop up on the screen. They look a little more human every single time.

_It's a miracle._

"Congratulations," the woman says. "You're having a baby girl."

A daughter. Rey's jaw drops. Ben starts to laugh—in happiness. And Leia, she cries and says the word that cements it to Rey: she really does care. She wants this baby, even if she understands how hard it will be for Ben and Rey even better than they do.

_Granddaughter._

…

"Ready, Finn?" Rose calls the weekend before their senior year starts.

"Ready, Rose." Finn texts Poe. Paige smiles from her spot on the huge armchair in Poe's house, having been released from the hospital a few weeks ago. She still uses a cane to get around some days, but she says she's just relieved to be home.

Balloons shaped like animals sit all around, and plates of Vietnamese food that Rose and her mother spent hours cooking sit on a nearby table, setting Finn's stomach grumbling with their rich, spicy scent. Connix, Jess, Snap, Leia, Han, Mr. Dameron, Holdo even—they're all here. A pile of wrapped gifts sits in a corner.

"Surprise!" they all shout when Poe leads Ben and Rey in.

Rey's jaw falls open. "What's this?"

"Your baby shower," Ben tells her.

Rey's gaze sweeps the room, taking in the food, the gifts. Her eyes fill with tears.

"Aw, don't cry," jokes Rose. "We're happy to do this for you, Rey."

She grabs Rose and Finn in an embrace.

…

Starting school again very visibly pregnant was hard for Rey. Phasma and Hux were in juvenile detention centers and Chirrut assured Ben's parents that they were receiving mental health care.

"If anyone makes fun of you, Rey," vows Rose. "I'll deck them."

"Get in line," Finn teases. Ben manages a smile. He's glad. He's glad Rey has so many. And he, he too has friends, and it's so strange.

"How are you doing, kid?" Dad asks after school ends and Rey goes upstairs to take a nap.

Ben shrugs, grabbing an apple for a snack. "School was fine."

Dad rolls his eyes. Chewie smiles. "Not that. How are you feeling?"

Ben arches his eyebrows. "You want to talk about feelings?"

Dad snorts. "Miracles happen."

Ben bites into the apple. It's sour. "I'm okay."  _I'm scared._

"You know," Dad said carefully. "When we found out we were having you, I was so—worried. That I wouldn't be the father you deserved. And I haven't been." His voice broke. "But I want you to know, Ben, I do love you. You matter more than anything or anyone to me, and I'd give anything for you—I know I've been shit at showing it, but I'm—even though you and Rey are having a kid so young, I'm proud of you for sticking with her."

"I love her," Ben interrupts.

"Good," Dad says. "She's a good kid. Ben, you'll be a good father. I know you will be."

Ben swallows. He puts the apple down on the counter, half-eaten. "Will you help me?"

Dad's face caves. He nods. And grabs Ben in an embrace.

…

It's a freezing cold day in November when Rey starts feeling cramps. She ignores them at first, making it through her morning classes. But by the time literature rolls around, Rey has to stumble out of the classroom to catch her breath.  _Am I in labor?_

She makes it to the bathroom and doesn't see any blood or excess fluid like water.

"Rey?"

She emerges from the stall. Rose's face pales. "You don't look well."

Rey remembers vomiting for the first time with Rose around her. The baby shifts inside of her. "I'm okay."

"I think that's a lie," Rose says. "I'm going to text Ben. And Finn."

Rey cringes, slumping down. "I—"

"No protests," Rose snaps. "You're not alone. You don't have to do this alone."

Three minutes later Ben barges into the girl's bathroom, Finn and Poe on his heels. "Rey!"

"Hi," she rasps. "I think I'm in labor."

"Holy shit," Finn says, clutching his skull. Poe laughs.

"It's not funny, Poe!" bellows Ben.

"She's not but you are," Poe returns.

Ben glares at him as he helps Rey to her feet.

"We'll tell Leia," Rose promises. Ben drives her to the hospital, and Rey's in too much pain to speak during the ride. Ben speeds. Rey curses internally. "I'm sorry," Ben keeps saying. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop—apologizing," Rey gasps out as they reach the hospital. He drags her into the emergency room. "I want—an—epidural."

"I thought you said you wanted natural—"

"Fuck what I said before!" The pain squeezes her from the inside out, digging claws into her abdomen, crushing her spine., Rey writhes, arching her neck back. It reminds her of the suffocating feeling of living in Jakku, of waiting and waiting and waiting for parents who were never, never coming back for her. Because they didn't want to. Because she didn't matter.

Ben grips her hand. He tells her to breathe, his voice shaking. He's terrified, and yet he's with her, and they baby—Rey wants her.  _I want to meet you_. She's not waiting or going through this agony for nothing.

Leia, Finn, Rose, Poe, and Han all arrive later, after the epidural which Ben claims has the longest needle he's ever seen is safely inserted in her spine (" _your spine?" shrieks Finn_ ) and take turns sitting with her, watching movies, talking, laughing. The day fades into nighttime, and then dawn starts to break through the clouds before the doctor tells her she's almost fully dilated and they're taking her to delivery.

Ben holds her hand. He's the only one with her, the only one she wants with her right now. Her friends wait just outside, Han and Leia with them, her family really. But Ben stands beside her, helping her bear down, wiping her forehead, telling her she's doing great. He kisses her forehead, and Rey thinks how she doesn't have to perform to earn his affection.

"You're almost there," the doctor encourages. "One more push."

Rey grist her teeth. A scream rips through the air, hers, and then fades into another scream, a squalling infant. And then Rey can't breathe, because she's crying, and she feels Ben's lips on hers, sees tears running down his face and mingling with hers.

The doctor lays the baby girl on her chest. She has tufts of Ben's dark hair, huge eyes, a tiny button nose.

_We made something good._

_We aren't wastes._

She thinks of all the people gathered outside.  _You, you won't be alone._ Ben's hand strokes his daughter's head.  _And neither will I._


End file.
